Sometimes, I really dislike the person I can be. Today had one of those moments of pure disappointment in myself. Ironic thing is that I should have seen it coming. Beautiful thing is the Spirit caught me before I made a complete idiot of myself. Let me back up and start at the beginning...
This past week my quiet time has really hammered the issue of pride. Yep, I am cruising through the book of Proverbs. I kept reading over and over about the Lord's hatred of pride and his pleasure in the humble. Even the book I was reading for pleasure touched base on it as well. Now, I know that when Jesus says something repeatedly to me, I need to step it up a notch and pay special attention. Weird thing is, I really couldn't find issues of pride that were glaring and I confessed any little issue I could see, making me think I might be creating some confession just to make sure I covered my bases! Seriously, I have been pretty beat up by life over the past week and wasn't feeling particularly good about anything. Then it happened almost like a vapor coming in the room. I was dealing with an issue of unrepentance in another believer and getting rather frustrated at the continued lying when that little crack opened up and I started to get self righteous. I started hearing my self talk say things like, "So and so knows better than that. They know God's word." or "Why don't they just clue in here and get right?" Oh boy. As I puttered around my office, the Holy Spirit does what He does best...smacked me upside the head with the log that was in my own eye. Immediately, all of those "God hates pride" messages flooded my soul. Busted. Big time! What made me even sadder was the fact that I didn't have a shred of grace for the situation... just how does one who loves Jesus with all she has, clings to Him because He is her only hope, and wants to be an encourager of souls have such an evil streak??? Even worse...how do I not have mercy and grace when I have done far worse?
No, I am not beating myself up...just being real. I love that my relationship with my Father is such that conviction comes quickly and deeply in this instance. I love that He got in my face about an ugly heart attitude. I am so happy that He forgave me and replaced those feelings of smug self righteousness with ones of 'been there, done worse, God showed me grace and mercy and I want to do the same.' Being a daughter of the King is nothing short of wonderful!
1 Timothy 1: 15-16
15 It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. 16 Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those [a]who would believe in Him for eternal life.
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