Proverbs 21:2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts.
It's been awhile since I've blogged because it seems I haven't had much to say that would be of spiritual worth. It's been because I have been internally struggling with so much that I don't understand about God and His ways. Certainly, some of it is pride, some is living in my flesh and choosing not to do what He wants when I don't understand, and some is just flat out I don't get why God would allow _________________ (feel free to fill in the blank with your own question).
I've been dealing with some anger issues that I'm not too proud of and I know anger is derived from hurt. I've been really hurt that God didn't answer my prayers as I'd hoped. I've been hurt by the disappointment of people not choosing the best that they could for their lives and the lives of those around them. I've been hurt by the blatant selfishness I see around me. I have been wondering if I am making any impact with those around me. I have believers asking me for counsel and when I try to share the Word, they appear to walk the other way. I repeat the same lessons over and over and over to those I lead... to what appears to be no avail. Well... you get the picture. Then, as my Best Friend always does, Jesus has been working me through that hurt and anger. Last night it came to fruition and God used two of my 'inner circle' to help me over the hump.
My wise friend, Sherri, points out to me that I can't see what's going on inside of those around me. She's right. God proved it 3 times in the past week as the Word had soaked into the hearts of those I counseled and the brokenness came to the surface of two for whom I've been praying for several years. God, yet again, proved to me that He works in ways I don't understand, in HIS perfect time, in HIS perfect way. My wise friend, Michelle, pointed out to me today that sometimes I have to take a hands off approach... I am only responsible for doing what God calls me to do and the decisions of others is between them and the Lord. I knew that, but her wonderful way of explaining it from a parenting approach, which to me would be the ULTIMATE place to want to control, was much needed. I can't control the outcome. Then, during prayer, the Lord reminded me that just because people don't do/act/speak/serve/love as I do, doesn't mean that they are wrong or any less spiritual than I. It means he created me to do/act/speak/serve/love as He created Carla to do. Period. He also reminded me of the countless times I have had to learn the same lesson and that He has shown me grace through every mistake and He is asking the same of me towards others. With His blood being the price paid for me, how can I do anything less?
I am not God, therefore I cannot judge the hearts of others. I am not the Holy Spirit, therefore it is not my job to convict. I am not Jesus, therefore I cannot save. I am just Carla, therefore I want to love and serve.
