I am an odd duck. I just needed to get that out of the way, to which some of you are telling me to tell you something you don't already know. As I have shared before, I strive to have a unique relationship with the Lord and sometimes I go to him with the oddest of requests. Yesterday was one of those days.
The women at my church have just come off our yearly retreat weekend. It was amazing. It was hard. It was emotionally draining. It was beautiful! I have been full out exhausted from it. Between the emotional and physical exhaustion, I have been a experiencing a wide array of emotions. One moment I am critical, the next I am crying. Later I will be angry in one second, and repentant in the next. I don't like it. I want to be sober minded. I want to have those feelings under control at all times. Well, lack of sleep coupled with deep soul bearing moments are the perfect storm for my other personality to rear it's irrational head. This personality was in control when I was driving to work yesterday as I poured out my hurts to the Lord. I was asking Him to once again show me that he loves me, that I matter to him...that I just needed something to build my faith. If you've read my blog in the past, you may know that God and I have a bird thing. I have often asked him to let me see a bird on my way to work or home. It's our thing. So, I retreated to my normal patterns and asked to see a bird. The bird that came to mind was a peacock. Yes, a peacock. When it came to mind, I laughed. It's winter and I don't know who would have peacocks out this time of year. I also didn't think they were a 'wild' bird common to Illinois. Crazy. But I couldn't quit thinking of the peacock. So, I laid it out there. Lord, I want to see a peacock. I laughed and then started to debate the lunacy of that request. After all, God's got better things to do than produce a peacock for me to see. Plus, the question that often lurks when I request from Him bubbled up... I know you can do it Lord, but I doubt that you will do it for me. Ugh. He has proven over and over that He loves me so much, that He has protected me from so much, that He cares about the smallest details in my life. And here I come asking for one more time for Him to prove it to me...again.
So the debate began and I was determined to trust Him to show me a peacock on my way to work. I am intently looking to the left and right as I drove to the office. I kept telling Him that I believe that He will answer this ludicrous request. I did see a magnificent eagle and promptly thanked Him for that! As I pull into the drive, I smiled thanking Him for listening to my crazy. It was silly to ask such a thing, I tell Him. It's just my emotions talking, I say. This was one of those requests that He opted not to answer. I was making my way to my office and I cut through one of my co-workers office. A colorful object on her desk caught my eye. Yep. The bell in the above picture. A peacock. I stopped dead in my hurried tracks. A peacock. Seriously...a peacock!
I had never seen that bell on her desk, so I went to ask her if it has always been there and I'd just not noticed. She said no, that she'd just put it there. I couldn't help but laugh...kind of like Sarah when she was told in her old age that she would have a child.
My take away from this? That I have a God that loves my quirky self! Coincidence? NOT ON YOUR LIFE! He chose to answer my prayer in the affirmative, but in a way that taught me so much... that He loves me, that He listens, and most importantly, He answers prayers in His own timing and way. My job is to be diligent and watch...but not to expect that it will be delivered in the way I think it should be. He is God and He calls the shots in my life. I love it and I love Him!!
Colossians 4:2: Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving
