The Unsettling ~ Part II

What a whirlwind the past 3 days have been.  Much has happened and here are a few highlights that I want to remember....

1.  There are some amazingly generous people in this world.
               I've listened to story upon story of people giving to the effort to see that these people get back on their feet....and getting introduced to Jesus.  People have donated money to local churches in Joplin that are feeding hundreds of volunteers every day, people have donated to various service organizations, people have went there to help others remove debris and sift through their belongings to help put their lives back together.  People have prayed and shared Jesus's amazing grace and salvation with those needing something to hold tight to because they discovered the truth...there is NO security in this world.  Locally, I have seen people go and help, organize supply drives to get stuff to the front line, and pray, pray, pray for those suffering the after effects.  Personally, I have to thank the following for giving because they bolstered my faith and we got to share in the blessing: Sherri Ault, Sue Hiscocks, Diane Nelson, Molly Joseph, Bonnie Cozadd, Kelli Ewing, Bill and Caroline Ault, Kim Anderson, Tammy and Frank Parrish...through your generosity, this small band of people sent over $500 worth of much needed supplies.  You people rock!

2.  I don't always understand God's plans, but I trust His leading.
            This has been a difficult one for me this past week.  I really, really wanted to go there.  But He said no.  I don't know why, but He did so I stayed in Monmouth.  I am starting to wonder about a few reasons, but have decided that I don't need to know.  He said no, and that settles the matter for me.

3.  My heart can still break for the hurting.
            Yup, I was becoming a bit too course and hard hearted towards the suffering of others.  I hated it, but I was more than a bit jaded.  It seems I've been witnessing a lot of drama, hurt, and pain that just seemed unnecessary and pointless because it was caused largely by poor choices.  I was becoming so utterly ticked off (that's putting it mildly!!!) at what seemed like an epidemic.  As stated in my previous blog, my heart was wonderfully broken for those hurting so deeply through this tragedy.  I still find my self weeping when sharing one of those stories.  I still pray for those working in that hospital that was completely demolished.  I know all too well how much those nurses, social workers, CNAs, administration, housekeeping, maintenance, dietary, doctors, etc. that worked there care about the people they took care of and can only begin to imagine how horrifying that whole situation must have been.  Yet, they didn't have a moment to process it all because they then had to get those ill folks to another place to get them the immediate care many needed.  Some died because of power outages.  I pray for those courageous care givers.

4.  What a wonderful feeling to help someone who will never know me.
                  A dear friend said I inspired him through this.  While I appreciate such a sweet comment, I really did nothing extraordinary.  My sister, Kelli, said a most profoundly true statement as we were organizing the goods.  She said, "Ya know, it's cool to know that my hands are putting together stuff that will touch hands of people who really, really need it."  So true.  I still believe there is so much more that can be done, and I will continue to pray as to how He wants me to proceed.  I want this to be about the help THEY need and that the truth that only Christ brings the security needed.

5.  There is just no going back to life as usual....

The Unsettling

I've been in a funk of sorts for the past four weeks.  No drastic event or situation has seemingly caused it...just a 'whatever' attitude.  It's during these times that I tend to become more introspective as I try to figure out why I 'feel' the way I do. While I work diligently to not allow any feeling to run rampant in my life, I do wholeheartedly believe that the Lord gave them to me as an indicator of needed change.  Much like pain of the physical body allows me to know something isn't quite right, an unsettling feeling is an equal indicator that something isn't well with my soul.  The answer to my introspective pondering came in two phases...the first was the still quiet voice of my Best Friend speaking to my heart and the second was the shrieks of devastation.

The Still Quiet Voice revealed something that I've suspected for awhile but tried to push from my mind.  I am becoming spiritually overweight.  I have had the amazing privilege of sitting under wonderful teachers through the years, listening to amazing sermons from world famous bible teachers, reading astounding written works by biblical scholars, and learning to study the Bible on my own.  All wonderful, wonderful things...but what am I truly doing with it to make a difference in eternity?  The lamenting of Solomon comes to mind when he says in Ecclesiastes that it's all vanity.  That is how I feel.  All of this 'learning' is not changing eternity if men are not being reached with it.  Then I read Eccl. 12:13 - ^"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man."  If this learning doesn't make me understand fearing God at a deeper level or help me to keep His commands (let's try just one...loving others is a great start!), then I must seriously question my motives in doing so. Yes, I have been 'doing ministry', but not really reaching those who need it most - the hurting and lost  As I've been mulling this one over, the second phase hit me from seemingly no where...the devastation in Joplin this past week.

I am not exactly understanding why this particular horrific event has broken me like it has, other than the Lord is using whatever He wills to mold me, change me, and get me out of complacency and into action.  A friend, Pastor Jim Bennett, took the leading of the Holy Spirit and headed to Joplin to help after an F5 tornado devastated that community this past weekend.  I have been following His entries on Facebook, as well as having discussion with his wife, Missy, about all the needs there.  As a small bubbling up began in my soul, I found myself volunteering to drive to Missouri this weekend with any items we could fit into my car to take to those who are hurting and in need.  It didn't take much time for that bubbling to rush into full geyser mode as I, after months of complacent, dutiful service, felt a passion arise to be Jesus with skin on to hurting people.  I just want to help...somehow.  Then, this morning, I listened to Jim's interview on WDLM.  I just 'happened' to catch it (yeah, and God didn't have ANYTHING to do with that?!!!  Whatever!).  As his voice cracked when recounting an encounter with a woman who has lost her 3 year old daughter, my heart with all of it's religious crustiness, shattered into a million pieces.  Through a torrent of tears, I begged God to send me.  I HAVE to go.  I don't have a clue what I am to do...maybe it's to deliver much needed supplies in person, maybe it's to gather supplies and take them to a drop off site to be taken down there, maybe it's to go help people search for their belongings in the rubble, maybe it's to deliver a hug to someone who needs it, it is certainly to continue to pray for them.  I don't know the answers, but He does.  So I pray and wait for word this afternoon as to my next step...    

All I do know is that I am tired of my apathy.  I am tired of doing this walk the same old way, getting the same old tired results. I am tired of waiting on some 'supernatural' call to do something when He is simply asking me to care about those in my midst, here today.  I  am tired of wasting time.

James 1:22
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Thoughts on singleness, marriage and The Royal Wedding...

"I am not married yet because I haven't met a man who is ready to be as happy as I can make him!"


The above little jewel makes me smile every time I read it.  It was "given" to me by my friend Matthew one evening when he, his wife Rachel and I were talking about ministry, marriage and singleness.  I laughed when he told me I need to start using it when people ask why I am not married yet. Being a life long single, I have been asked that question more times than I could possibly recount.  So, in an effort to entertain some and school others, let me address a few myths about being single....


1. MYTH: There is an answer to the question "Why aren't you married yet?" 
                   Just got to love the 'yet' that is attached to it...like I am in a race to cross some imaginary marriage finish line. I can remember when I graduated from college, this became THE question.  I am serious when I tell you that there was a man in my church at the time that would turn around EVERY week and ask me if I'd met anyone since last Sunday or was I planning to get married soon.  Now, I am sure he meant well, but really, every week? Or the pastor who would inquire on a monthly basis as to the progress I was making in finding a husband. My answer to this question has changed over the years, sometimes with a snarky retort, sometimes with a thought filled response, sometimes with a shrug of the shoulders.


FACT: The truth.... I don't know why I am not married....and you know what? It's okay if I don't know.


2.   MYTH:  One is more lonely being single than being married.
                 We seem to have drunk the Kool-aid that being married solves the loneliness issue.  Uh, that is so not true...trust me, I see and hear the disbelief from women (and some men) that their marriage isn't the solution to loneliness on a regular basis.  Loneliness can happen in the best of marriages, biggest of families, or in a single person's life. I've witnessed some people more lonely in a marriage than I have ever been as a single woman, and I think to myself that this would be an awful way to live and take that very moment and thank Jesus for my singleness!


FACT:  Marriage isn't necessarily the cure for loneliness.... a tight relationship with Jesus and good relationships with those He has placed in our lives is the cure.


3.  MYTH:  You must have the 'gift' of singleness.
                  Uh, nope.  Would I like to get married? Sometimes no, sometimes yes. I do not  believe for me that God has gifted me to be single, but that being said, I do want to be content in what ever season of life I find myself.  I have gotten caught up in the 'grass is greener' nonsense thinking (thankfully, it only stayed in the thinking phase!) of believing that marrying just any guy who is a Christian would work, but have learned to water my own lawn, and that mindset has given me a spectacular life!


FACT:  A wise single knows that the season of singleness is a period of time that God calls us to serve Him in a unique way that many marrieds cannot. It is also a great time to prepare the fields for the time when marriage may be a step in my life and to practice contentedness.  Let's face it...the grass often looks greener to marrieds as well.....just sayin'.   




4.  MYTH:  You are too picky...think I will let the following answer that nonsense...




As I was getting ready for class last Friday, I was up early enough to catch some of the "Royal" wedding that morning.  What a beautiful ceremony full of pomp and circumstance! I can only imagine the hours spent planning every detail.  In the midst of this ceremony, the Bishop of London gave a short message and two sentences he spoke caught my attention immediately: "As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden."


Boy, did he get it right!



I've had many an opportunity in my life to either be part of a relationship or watch others be involved in their relationships to know that he is completely correct in his assessment of the way we have placed an expectation upon another person that only the Lord can fulfill.  So many times, we expect that strong man or beautiful woman to be the complete answer to all of our needs. What an unfair burden to place on another human being.






On an end note, marriage is God's plan for many and it is a most beautiful thing. He tells us that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Prov. 18:22).  However, it is never the complete answer to everything - only Jesus can be!