Have you ever been to an arcade with the funny mirrors? I have two favorites... either the one that makes me look tall and thinner (OK, so I"m vain!) or the one that makes my legs look about 5 inches long (it makes me laugh!). While these reflections can be entertaining, they aren't accurate.
I've noticed that can happen in the eyes of the people around me. Well intentioned, albeit unsolicited, counsel or advice can send me on a rabbit trail of thought or action that the Lord never meant for me to pursue. It's in these moments that I need to thank them for caring and immediately take what they said to the Ultimate Counselor. Often, I find their words are like the reflection of the crazy mirror...short on real truth.
That's one of the main reasons I love the Word of God. It's sharp, it's accurate and it's clear to those who know Him and seek His wisdom. God doesn't waste words, nor does He hold back in shining light into the dark places of my life. Additionally, He so often uses His Word to encourage my heart, to give me the 'atta-girl' I need to hear to carry out the purposes He has for my life.
Lord, let me fall in love with your Word today.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
UGH!
Proverbs 16:18 Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
Pride. Something I have constantly had to deal with to one degree or another. Not so much the arrogant, "I'm all that and a bag of chips" kind of pride, but rather the pride of being independent. The pride of self sufficiency. The pride of being able to take care of myself. Yet again, I find myself in the middle of a deceptive thought pattern of believing I am strong enough on my own. I can handle this situation. It's done nothing but destroy the slight victory the Lord had going and caused major confusion in my life. It's wreaked havoc in my intimate time with Jesus and caused my prayer life to be a one sided conversation with no heart behind the words.
I very much can commiserate with Paul when he said he did the things he didn't want to do. Yep, that's me. In this moment, the raw shame of being a fool burns deep. The embarrassment of knowing others see my foolishness is physically painful... and that is right where the enemy would have me dwell. Thankfully, Jesus is greater than my shame. His strength, mercy and forgiveness are a balm to my anguished soul. Thank you for breaking me, Lord.
Pride. Something I have constantly had to deal with to one degree or another. Not so much the arrogant, "I'm all that and a bag of chips" kind of pride, but rather the pride of being independent. The pride of self sufficiency. The pride of being able to take care of myself. Yet again, I find myself in the middle of a deceptive thought pattern of believing I am strong enough on my own. I can handle this situation. It's done nothing but destroy the slight victory the Lord had going and caused major confusion in my life. It's wreaked havoc in my intimate time with Jesus and caused my prayer life to be a one sided conversation with no heart behind the words.
I very much can commiserate with Paul when he said he did the things he didn't want to do. Yep, that's me. In this moment, the raw shame of being a fool burns deep. The embarrassment of knowing others see my foolishness is physically painful... and that is right where the enemy would have me dwell. Thankfully, Jesus is greater than my shame. His strength, mercy and forgiveness are a balm to my anguished soul. Thank you for breaking me, Lord.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Going Home
Today has been bittersweet. I admitted my first resident into our newly renovated hospice room. We've worked hard to create an atmosphere of comfort and quiet for those whose last days on this earth are imminent. However, it's still difficult to watch a family go through that process no matter how beautiful the surroundings might be.
The sweet part of my day has been the fact that this resident and the family knows Jesus. They know their eternal security rests in the work He did on the cross over 2000 years ago. They know that, while they will miss each other immensely, this isn't the end. There will be a day coming that He returns for those who know Him and we will all spend eternity in Heaven, together with Him. In an effort to encourage the family, I found myself encouraged and my faith strengthened by the outlook they have. Amidst tears of grief and sorrow, there was an underlying joy because of the hope of Christ. Oh what a huge blessing it is to be a part of another believer going home!
Ephesians 2: 4-6
4] But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
[5] Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
[6] And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
The sweet part of my day has been the fact that this resident and the family knows Jesus. They know their eternal security rests in the work He did on the cross over 2000 years ago. They know that, while they will miss each other immensely, this isn't the end. There will be a day coming that He returns for those who know Him and we will all spend eternity in Heaven, together with Him. In an effort to encourage the family, I found myself encouraged and my faith strengthened by the outlook they have. Amidst tears of grief and sorrow, there was an underlying joy because of the hope of Christ. Oh what a huge blessing it is to be a part of another believer going home!
Ephesians 2: 4-6
4] But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
[5] Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
[6] And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
Monday, January 26, 2009
A wrestling match begins...
Genesis 32:24-26 ~ And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day. And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him. And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.
I read this passage over a week ago and it's still in the forefront of my mind. My walk with Jesus has been less than even adequate over the past few weeks. I have missed the sweet intimacy I have experienced in times past with my Savior. I hate the feeling of my soul being parched, of being dull and lifeless. Yeah, I'm doing all the standard 'stuff'...reading, praying, ministering to others. Nothing. Flat.
Could it be that my Savior, the Alpha and Omega, the Creator of all, is wanting me to want the blessing a little more than I do? I'll admit that I am one who gravitates to that which is easy for me. Spiritual depth and complete surrender isn't. It takes work. It takes more than an obligatory 30 minutes of "me and God" time each morning...not to say that quiet time isn't important...I just can't imagine He wants me there out of duty. No, I know He doesn't. He wants me as excited to be with Him as I am with the others that I love in my life. He wants to show me so much more than I can possibly imagine. The problem falls squarely on my shoulders. I'm not doing my part and I know it. My Heavenly Father is the consummate gentleman. He gently draws me to Himself, but will not force the issue.
My pastor gave a wonderful message yesterday that I would have sworn was given just for me (don't you love when God does that??!!). (my, from memory, paraphrase of Pastor M's message follows...) He talked about God knocking on the door and our choice to open it. He also talked about God not giving us more if we aren't stepping up to the responsibilities He's already entrusted us with...one of those being in intimate fellowship with Him. This resonated with me. I have wanted the sweetness of a good relationship but haven't been willing to work hard to have it. My friendship with the Lord is like any other...it takes time together, listening to His heart, sharing my heart, adjusting to the changes I need to make to make the connection stronger, to be vulnerable. I haven't been willing to wrestle with my attitude and poor effort. I haven't been willing to seek and search a little deeper and longer. Lord, I am sorry. You deserve so much better. I want You more than my way of being in this relationship. Let me be like Jacob and not let go until You bless me with knowing You better with each passing moment.
I read this passage over a week ago and it's still in the forefront of my mind. My walk with Jesus has been less than even adequate over the past few weeks. I have missed the sweet intimacy I have experienced in times past with my Savior. I hate the feeling of my soul being parched, of being dull and lifeless. Yeah, I'm doing all the standard 'stuff'...reading, praying, ministering to others. Nothing. Flat.
Could it be that my Savior, the Alpha and Omega, the Creator of all, is wanting me to want the blessing a little more than I do? I'll admit that I am one who gravitates to that which is easy for me. Spiritual depth and complete surrender isn't. It takes work. It takes more than an obligatory 30 minutes of "me and God" time each morning...not to say that quiet time isn't important...I just can't imagine He wants me there out of duty. No, I know He doesn't. He wants me as excited to be with Him as I am with the others that I love in my life. He wants to show me so much more than I can possibly imagine. The problem falls squarely on my shoulders. I'm not doing my part and I know it. My Heavenly Father is the consummate gentleman. He gently draws me to Himself, but will not force the issue.
My pastor gave a wonderful message yesterday that I would have sworn was given just for me (don't you love when God does that??!!). (my, from memory, paraphrase of Pastor M's message follows...) He talked about God knocking on the door and our choice to open it. He also talked about God not giving us more if we aren't stepping up to the responsibilities He's already entrusted us with...one of those being in intimate fellowship with Him. This resonated with me. I have wanted the sweetness of a good relationship but haven't been willing to work hard to have it. My friendship with the Lord is like any other...it takes time together, listening to His heart, sharing my heart, adjusting to the changes I need to make to make the connection stronger, to be vulnerable. I haven't been willing to wrestle with my attitude and poor effort. I haven't been willing to seek and search a little deeper and longer. Lord, I am sorry. You deserve so much better. I want You more than my way of being in this relationship. Let me be like Jacob and not let go until You bless me with knowing You better with each passing moment.
Monday, January 19, 2009
The Taste of Bitterness
This weekend I spent some time in Chicago with various friends trying new things. One of those things was going to a sushi bar. Now mind you, I'm not a fish fan by any stretch, so it was truly odd that I'd be willing to try it raw. But I've been itching to travel down uncharted territory, so I thought why not. One of the entrees I tried was called 'Dragon' which was really BBQ eel. You ever have one of those things you try to eat and it just keeps growing in your mouth? Well, by the time I swallowed it, I would have bet it weighed a couple of pounds! Unfortunately, the taste of that minute piece of seafood remained in my mouth for a couple of days...
It reminded me of the taste of bitterness in my life. It has a way of growing after taking the tiniest bite and leaving a lasting effect on my life for some time to come. I've been experiencing such a time of late. Very subtly I have taken my eyes off of Christ and placed them on me ~ my wants, my desires, my 'rights'. That slow fade starts and quickly turns into a spiral downward into bitterness. I hate it. Yet, I am praising God that He has been training me to spot it sooner in my life. I praise Him that He has gifted me with strong, no nonsense believers who hold me accountable for my walk. Yes, I am still struggling with the whys and the negative attitude, but I am hopeful that by this time tomorrow, the residual taste of bitterness will be a thing of the past.
Eph. 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.
It reminded me of the taste of bitterness in my life. It has a way of growing after taking the tiniest bite and leaving a lasting effect on my life for some time to come. I've been experiencing such a time of late. Very subtly I have taken my eyes off of Christ and placed them on me ~ my wants, my desires, my 'rights'. That slow fade starts and quickly turns into a spiral downward into bitterness. I hate it. Yet, I am praising God that He has been training me to spot it sooner in my life. I praise Him that He has gifted me with strong, no nonsense believers who hold me accountable for my walk. Yes, I am still struggling with the whys and the negative attitude, but I am hopeful that by this time tomorrow, the residual taste of bitterness will be a thing of the past.
Eph. 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Cynicism
I hate being cynical. I really would love to have a Pollyanna view of life. To believe the best of a situation or person. But life tells me otherwise. Experience and reality have dealt some blows that have left me doubting that there is good in all. Additionally, the more I study scripture, the more I know evil exists, is rampant in our world and that by nature, we humans are a depraved lot.
This cynicism has been fueled of late by what I see going on in our state. Frankly, I am embarrassed to say I am from Illinois. I have always hated the fact that 3/4 of our state is not represented in Springfield or Washington. I have always hated Chicago politics. But even this is a new low. For those of us who deal with the state on any level, we have long known that our Governor is not a man of character and integrity. Politics has always had a layer of narcissism, but this is beyond that...it's psychotic. But that aside, I think I am more dismayed by the man currently seeking the open Senate seat. Honestly, I have never heard much said about him that has been a mark of poor character or lack of integrity. He, like anyone in position of power, has had his share of enemies I would guess. But nothing that would allude to poor character. So it baffles me as to why this man would chose to put himself, and more importantly, his family, in a position to have that questioned. Even if he proves to be the best senator, acting in the interest of the people, he will always have his legacy tied to an impeached, low life, no character or integrity Governor. That, to me, is selfishness at it worst.
My prayer is that we become a country with people who believe in doing the right thing, even when it's the hardest to do. That we place a premium on morals, ethics, character and integrity. That I lead by example.
This cynicism has been fueled of late by what I see going on in our state. Frankly, I am embarrassed to say I am from Illinois. I have always hated the fact that 3/4 of our state is not represented in Springfield or Washington. I have always hated Chicago politics. But even this is a new low. For those of us who deal with the state on any level, we have long known that our Governor is not a man of character and integrity. Politics has always had a layer of narcissism, but this is beyond that...it's psychotic. But that aside, I think I am more dismayed by the man currently seeking the open Senate seat. Honestly, I have never heard much said about him that has been a mark of poor character or lack of integrity. He, like anyone in position of power, has had his share of enemies I would guess. But nothing that would allude to poor character. So it baffles me as to why this man would chose to put himself, and more importantly, his family, in a position to have that questioned. Even if he proves to be the best senator, acting in the interest of the people, he will always have his legacy tied to an impeached, low life, no character or integrity Governor. That, to me, is selfishness at it worst.
My prayer is that we become a country with people who believe in doing the right thing, even when it's the hardest to do. That we place a premium on morals, ethics, character and integrity. That I lead by example.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
A Father who knows my heart
Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.
This has been a stress filled week as I have been undergoing our annual state survey in my nursing home. Yep, one would think that after doing this for 15+ years that I wouldn't stress, but unless you've done this job, you have no idea what it's like to have everything you do scrutinized and questioned by people who probably haven't worked in a nursing home. This year I have maintained a mantra of it being what it is, yet the threat of allegations of being less than perfect sent me into a tailspin.
Then the prayer happened. I asked my roomie to pray with me before heading to work. I was completely astounded at the words that poured out of her mouth to our Heavenly Father. The exact words I had been echoing in my heart and mind all morning... opportunities for leadership, to help walk us through the issue, for Him to be glorified. There is no plausible explanation for the like mindedness of our prayers except that our God is a God who is intimately entwined in our lives. He is the God who knew both of us before we came into being. And because we have both submitted to His plan for our lives, He is shaping us into the godly women he longs for us to be. So, I sought Him, He heard me, and my fears are gone. What a Magnificent, Holy, Loving, and Gracious Father I have!
This has been a stress filled week as I have been undergoing our annual state survey in my nursing home. Yep, one would think that after doing this for 15+ years that I wouldn't stress, but unless you've done this job, you have no idea what it's like to have everything you do scrutinized and questioned by people who probably haven't worked in a nursing home. This year I have maintained a mantra of it being what it is, yet the threat of allegations of being less than perfect sent me into a tailspin.
Then the prayer happened. I asked my roomie to pray with me before heading to work. I was completely astounded at the words that poured out of her mouth to our Heavenly Father. The exact words I had been echoing in my heart and mind all morning... opportunities for leadership, to help walk us through the issue, for Him to be glorified. There is no plausible explanation for the like mindedness of our prayers except that our God is a God who is intimately entwined in our lives. He is the God who knew both of us before we came into being. And because we have both submitted to His plan for our lives, He is shaping us into the godly women he longs for us to be. So, I sought Him, He heard me, and my fears are gone. What a Magnificent, Holy, Loving, and Gracious Father I have!
Monday, January 5, 2009
The problem of discipline
Discipline: a branch of learning or knowledge, formal training, self control, acceptance of authority.
It seems that with the onset of a new year, this word plays around in my mind more than usual. Yesterday during worship, we sang a song with lyrics "I give you my heart, my mind, my strength, my soul." I struggled singing those words with true conviction. Yes, Jesus has my heart, He alone is my true strength, and I do trust His death, burial and resurrection for the salvation of my soul. Ah, but my mind. Honestly, I battle that front constantly. I find myself "allowing" my mind to travel to places that are not the healthiest for my spiritual well being. I heard a speaker talking about the issue of discipline this morning. He stated that it is a fruit of a walk with the Lord. Ouch. I have made excuse upon excuse for my lack of delaying immediate gratification for a future reward that will far surpass the here and now. Whether it's exercise, food, shopping, studying scripture, memorizing scripture, etc. I lack discipline and I'm finding it starts with my mind. I've got loads of knowledge and formal training in many of the areas in which I struggle... I do lack the self control of application and daily pursuit as well as the acceptance of the authority and power of the Holy Spirit to change me. I know this will be a life long process, but I am pledging today to start with one small step... acknowledgement of the problem and commitment to daily make an effort to change.
It seems that with the onset of a new year, this word plays around in my mind more than usual. Yesterday during worship, we sang a song with lyrics "I give you my heart, my mind, my strength, my soul." I struggled singing those words with true conviction. Yes, Jesus has my heart, He alone is my true strength, and I do trust His death, burial and resurrection for the salvation of my soul. Ah, but my mind. Honestly, I battle that front constantly. I find myself "allowing" my mind to travel to places that are not the healthiest for my spiritual well being. I heard a speaker talking about the issue of discipline this morning. He stated that it is a fruit of a walk with the Lord. Ouch. I have made excuse upon excuse for my lack of delaying immediate gratification for a future reward that will far surpass the here and now. Whether it's exercise, food, shopping, studying scripture, memorizing scripture, etc. I lack discipline and I'm finding it starts with my mind. I've got loads of knowledge and formal training in many of the areas in which I struggle... I do lack the self control of application and daily pursuit as well as the acceptance of the authority and power of the Holy Spirit to change me. I know this will be a life long process, but I am pledging today to start with one small step... acknowledgement of the problem and commitment to daily make an effort to change.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Purging
I'm feeling the need for a good purge. To rid my life of that which is just taking up space needlessly. Problem is I'm not sure where to start or what to do with all that needs to be purged. The physical 'things' that I have in my house, office, etc. are easier to relinquish. It's the 'things' you can't see, feel, or touch that has me perplexed. I have some dreams that I'm beginning to think need to be shelved or discarded for the greater purposes God has for me. Problem is, what do I do with the empty space that dream once filled? I have a few relationships that I don't have the energy to continue to maintain and am wondering if it isn't time just to let go and move on. Yet, I feel guilty for quitting and think that if maybe I tried just a little harder, their lack of initiative in maintaining the relationship could be overcome by my actions. But I know relationships don't work that way... it takes two to make it work. I want to be more intentional in my pursuits this year. To spend time in high quality relationships, ministries, activities. Not to just "fill spaces" with cheap imitations of the real thing. No time like today to start!
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