Jehovah Shalom

That moment of undiluted conviction.  That burn in the depths of my heart because I know I've sinned against the Lord.

Heartbreaking.
Brokenness.
Comprehending the depths of my depravity.

Ugh.

That's when He nudged me and stirred up these words in my heart..

Hey sweet girl.  Do you see my grace?

Yes, you've failed, but you are not a failure. The all loving gift of My blood on the cross makes that so.

Yes, you are hurting from the pain your choice has caused, but I see the beauty that will rise from this mess.

Yes, you are feeling the conviction of sin, yet My Word reminds you of promises of peace that come with repentance.

My girl, it's hard and I know it.  I wanted to protect you from these consequences, yet, I will use them to mold you.

Do you see my grace?  It's right there in the prayers, hugs, and healing words of the inner circle that walks this path with you.  It's in the counsel of the godly leader I've placed in your life to shepherd you.  It's in My Word which gives example upon example of those who have gone down similar paths that I have worked life changing miracles through for my glory.

Hey daughter...look again...yeah, that's my grace telling you that I am not finished with you yet...in fact, this is a new start.

I am your Jehovah Shalom - your God of Peace.

Psalm 51:8 - Make me to hear joy and gladness...

8452

8452... the approximate number of days that I have left on this earth if I live to be the average age of 75.  Yep, I've counted them out.  A little over a month ago I heard a message by James MacDonald on the following verse:

Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

It resonated with me in a deep place in my soul. When I turned 50,  I'd made a pledge to myself to do something greater with the second part of my life than I had the first part.  I don't want to waste time with the futile activities of previous years...worry, stagnation, resignation, hanging on to empty relationships, just to name a few.  I am truly stubborn enough to believe that my best days are yet to be lived.

So, I've numbered them.  I know that if I don't, I will be caught up in the distraction of the urgent instead of the intention of the important.  Last night I was reminded of the necessity of being brutal with distractions.  I've been hosting a women's night on Thursdays to discuss the book The Best Yes  by Lysa TerKeurst. The past three Thursday evenings have been the biggest blessing I've had in a while.   I knew He was calling me to open my home and heart to women who needed to be a part of this gathering.  I knew I had to be obedient because that obedience was connected to that pledge of purpose.  I knew I needed it far more than anyone who would walk through my door.  Oh.so.glad.I.obeyed.  To have women who want to connect with each other in a purpose filled way...well, it makes my heart smile. To have the women I've encountered the past few weeks want to do some serious damage for the Kingdom by seeking Him, His word, and His fellowship with other like minded ladies...excites me beyond measure.  

Last night's discussion perhaps gave me the best clue about how to apply my heart unto wisdom:

Be present.

I can number my days, but the reality is the only thing I have is this moment.  I may get more or less of the 8450 I've counted up.  All He is asking of me is to be acutely aware of the gift of time yet to be present in the here and now.  Not to worry about the future or bemoan the past.  Today.  Spend time with Him to get my direction and daily dose of love.  Be present with Him.  Spend time in intentional relationship with those He's placed in my sphere of influence.  Be present with them.  Listen with intention.  Encourage with grace, truth and love.

My prayer is that you are encouraged today to be present where He has you.

Lessons from Jehovah-jireh

This past weekend found me trying to get several small things done so that I could take most of the weekend.  One of those things was picking what cherries might be salvaged after rain and bug damage...

I was fighting bugs, poison ivy, humidity and honestly an attitude that was as sour as the ruby orbs I was picking.  I'd had a good time with the Lord earlier and didn't want this task to ruin what was the good start to the day.  So I asked Him to commune with me and let me know He was there...which He answered in the form of lessons.  As I continued to search for edible fruits, it dawned on me (thank you Holy Spirit!) that cherry picking is a lot like studying God's word.  Often, there will be low hanging fruits that are consumable, but it's usually the fruits hiding under the leaves and branches that offer blemish free fruit.  So it is with my studying.  I can simply read a small portion of scripture or a nice little devotional and will get something that makes me feel good or may be a little bit convicting and call it a day.  However, when I begin to study the words, compare Scripture with Scripture and really unpack a passage, I get the really good stuff.  The life changing lessons.

As I was picking cherries, again the Holy Spirit reminded me that He really is Jehovah-jireh - "the Lord will provide".  These cherry trees weren't planted by me.  One or two were planted by the former owners and then propagated by the many birds that make my land their home.  I did nothing to bring these cherries to my home. Yet, I and some family/friends reap the benefit.  Another find...

Gooseberries!  Never have seen them before on my land.  Jehovah-jireh.  I have never eaten them before but you can bet I will try them this year!

And the best lesson about Jehovah-jireh?  His provision of my family, and in particular my parents.  As I was harvesting the fruit and giggling about my gooseberry find, I couldn't help but think of how very fortunate I am to have learned what I have from my folks.  There were years of gardening when we were growing up: planting, harvesting, canning/processing.  We were all a part of the process (can I say that I HATED picking strawberries (I swear that bed was 1/2 an acre!!) and corn...oh, and those nasty ginormous spiders in the tomatoes?!!) and it wasn't fun a majority of the time.  The only exception was blackberry picking with my Dad...it was usually filled with stories from his past and I love those times!  Mom would work tirelessly to can or freeze everything...and we'd have an abundance of fruits and vegetables to last throughout all of fall, winter and into spring!  As they say, more was caught then actually taught.  We learned by watching and helping them.  I now know how to process that produce because I watched Mom and was a part of it all.  Those lessons are invaluable as I am now loving pulling out what little I can, freeze, and dehydrate in the winter and enjoying it with others.  I am so thankful to be a Ewing and to have been given my parents to teach me over the years!

What started out as a bad attitude became a time of gratitude...as only Jehovah-jireh can do!

Moments

The longer I walk this earth, the more attune I am to the fact that the best of life happens in moments. Today, I was reminded of that certainty.  As a woman who is not a parent, those occasions that most of you with kids experience are a bit fewer and farther between for me. The latest involved the Nephew.  He is at that age where I find myself irritated more than enamored.  He knows what buttons to push (it must be genetic from his father!) to get a reaction out of me and it works every time.  This morning I was charged with getting him to lifting for football.  As we were leaving the house, I was stunned by the rays of sun breaking through the clouds and decided to snap a photo.  Of course, that lead to comments from the peanut gallery...until he turned around and looked at what I was photographing.  He stopped and said, "That looks like Jesus looking down".  I simply smiled and said, "Yes, it does".  We drove to the school with the usual "teen annoying aunt" banter resuming.  As he got out and I told him have a great workout, time seemed to stop.  I watch this young man, who will be a freshman, walk into the school and my heart melted.  Pretty soon he will be a senior graduating and going to college.  He will probably marry and have children.  It all happens so fast.  He isn't that little boy who giggled at blowing bubbles, or who dressed up as EVERY superhero known to man, or who performed in the school musicals.  He's becoming a man.  As I drove away from the school, I thanked God for him and asked Him to mold this young man into one who follows after Him with all he has.  I prayed that he would see Jesus in the everyday of life.  I thanked Him for this moment.