"I am not married yet because I haven't met a man who is ready to be as happy as I can make him!"
The above little jewel makes me smile every time I read it. It was "given" to me by my friend Matthew one evening when he, his wife Rachel and I were talking about ministry, marriage and singleness. I laughed when he told me I need to start using it when people ask why I am not married yet. Being a life long single, I have been asked that question more times than I could possibly recount. So, in an effort to entertain some and school others, let me address a few myths about being single....
1. MYTH: There is an answer to the question "Why aren't you married yet?"
Just got to love the 'yet' that is attached to it...like I am in a race to cross some imaginary marriage finish line. I can remember when I graduated from college, this became THE question. I am serious when I tell you that there was a man in my church at the time that would turn around EVERY week and ask me if I'd met anyone since last Sunday or was I planning to get married soon. Now, I am sure he meant well, but really, every week? Or the pastor who would inquire on a monthly basis as to the progress I was making in finding a husband. My answer to this question has changed over the years, sometimes with a snarky retort, sometimes with a thought filled response, sometimes with a shrug of the shoulders.
FACT: The truth.... I don't know why I am not married....and you know what? It's okay if I don't know.
2. MYTH: One is more lonely being single than being married.
We seem to have drunk the Kool-aid that being married solves the loneliness issue. Uh, that is so not true...trust me, I see and hear the disbelief from women (and some men) that their marriage isn't the solution to loneliness on a regular basis. Loneliness can happen in the best of marriages, biggest of families, or in a single person's life. I've witnessed some people more lonely in a marriage than I have ever been as a single woman, and I think to myself that this would be an awful way to live and take that very moment and thank Jesus for my singleness!
FACT: Marriage isn't necessarily the cure for loneliness.... a tight relationship with Jesus and good relationships with those He has placed in our lives is the cure.
3. MYTH: You must have the 'gift' of singleness.
Uh, nope. Would I like to get married? Sometimes no, sometimes yes. I do not believe for me that God has gifted me to be single, but that being said, I do want to be content in what ever season of life I find myself. I have gotten caught up in the 'grass is greener' nonsense thinking (thankfully, it only stayed in the thinking phase!) of believing that marrying just any guy who is a Christian would work, but have learned to water my own lawn, and that mindset has given me a spectacular life!
FACT: A wise single knows that the season of singleness is a period of time that God calls us to serve Him in a unique way that many marrieds cannot. It is also a great time to prepare the fields for the time when marriage may be a step in my life and to practice contentedness. Let's face it...the grass often looks greener to marrieds as well.....just sayin'.
4. MYTH: You are too picky...think I will let the following answer that nonsense...
As I was getting ready for class last Friday, I was up early enough to catch some of the "Royal" wedding that morning. What a beautiful ceremony full of pomp and circumstance! I can only imagine the hours spent planning every detail. In the midst of this ceremony, the Bishop of London gave a short message and two sentences he spoke caught my attention immediately: "As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden."
Boy, did he get it right!
I've had many an opportunity in my life to either be part of a relationship or watch others be involved in their relationships to know that he is completely correct in his assessment of the way we have placed an expectation upon another person that only the Lord can fulfill. So many times, we expect that strong man or beautiful woman to be the complete answer to all of our needs. What an unfair burden to place on another human being.
On an end note, marriage is God's plan for many and it is a most beautiful thing. He tells us that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Prov. 18:22). However, it is never the complete answer to everything - only Jesus can be!
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