I've been in a funk of sorts for the past four weeks. No drastic event or situation has seemingly caused it...just a 'whatever' attitude. It's during these times that I tend to become more introspective as I try to figure out why I 'feel' the way I do. While I work diligently to not allow any feeling to run rampant in my life, I do wholeheartedly believe that the Lord gave them to me as an indicator of needed change. Much like pain of the physical body allows me to know something isn't quite right, an unsettling feeling is an equal indicator that something isn't well with my soul. The answer to my introspective pondering came in two phases...the first was the still quiet voice of my Best Friend speaking to my heart and the second was the shrieks of devastation.
The Still Quiet Voice revealed something that I've suspected for awhile but tried to push from my mind. I am becoming spiritually overweight. I have had the amazing privilege of sitting under wonderful teachers through the years, listening to amazing sermons from world famous bible teachers, reading astounding written works by biblical scholars, and learning to study the Bible on my own. All wonderful, wonderful things...but what am I truly doing with it to make a difference in eternity? The lamenting of Solomon comes to mind when he says in Ecclesiastes that it's all vanity. That is how I feel. All of this 'learning' is not changing eternity if men are not being reached with it. Then I read Eccl. 12:13 - "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man." If this learning doesn't make me understand fearing God at a deeper level or help me to keep His commands (let's try just one...loving others is a great start!), then I must seriously question my motives in doing so. Yes, I have been 'doing ministry', but not really reaching those who need it most - the hurting and lost As I've been mulling this one over, the second phase hit me from seemingly no where...the devastation in Joplin this past week.
I am not exactly understanding why this particular horrific event has broken me like it has, other than the Lord is using whatever He wills to mold me, change me, and get me out of complacency and into action. A friend, Pastor Jim Bennett, took the leading of the Holy Spirit and headed to Joplin to help after an F5 tornado devastated that community this past weekend. I have been following His entries on Facebook, as well as having discussion with his wife, Missy, about all the needs there. As a small bubbling up began in my soul, I found myself volunteering to drive to Missouri this weekend with any items we could fit into my car to take to those who are hurting and in need. It didn't take much time for that bubbling to rush into full geyser mode as I, after months of complacent, dutiful service, felt a passion arise to be Jesus with skin on to hurting people. I just want to help...somehow. Then, this morning, I listened to Jim's interview on WDLM. I just 'happened' to catch it (yeah, and God didn't have ANYTHING to do with that?!!! Whatever!). As his voice cracked when recounting an encounter with a woman who has lost her 3 year old daughter, my heart with all of it's religious crustiness, shattered into a million pieces. Through a torrent of tears, I begged God to send me. I HAVE to go. I don't have a clue what I am to do...maybe it's to deliver much needed supplies in person, maybe it's to gather supplies and take them to a drop off site to be taken down there, maybe it's to go help people search for their belongings in the rubble, maybe it's to deliver a hug to someone who needs it, it is certainly to continue to pray for them. I don't know the answers, but He does. So I pray and wait for word this afternoon as to my next step...
All I do know is that I am tired of my apathy. I am tired of doing this walk the same old way, getting the same old tired results. I am tired of waiting on some 'supernatural' call to do something when He is simply asking me to care about those in my midst, here today. I am tired of wasting time.
James 1:22
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.
