The Summer of My Unsettling

Yet again, the Lord is unsettling me, which is becoming a bit commonplace this summer!  This time, He is using the topic of words to move me.  It all started about a week and half ago when we held a house meeting to discuss various topics and our conversation towards each other became the focus of discussion.  I was becoming convicted about the lack of respect we were showing each other.  It is just natural for me to 'jest' with others, but when I am feeling a bit hurt, my words become a weapon (again, will I EVER see complete victory???!!).  This discussion with the girls really sunk deep into my heart because I found myself becoming very sensitive to what those around me were saying.  Instead of building up, there were words of destruction.  Instead of encouragement, there were words that left others broken.  Then the Chick-fil-a issue came rolling across my facebook page.  To be honest, I read it, thought "Go Mike Huckabee, way to stand up for what you believe" and then left it at that. 

The Lord had other ideas...I have been struggling with fence riding a bit in my life.  Trying to stay politically neutral, not wanting to draw attention to myself or my beliefs, just wanting to live comfortably...complacent.  Then last Thursday morning as I got ready for work, I heard the background and actual interview given by Mr. Cathey.  What he said blew me away...bold, loving, God honoring.  I also heard the words of the opposition.  It was then that the Holy Spirit quietly spoke to me asking, "What are YOU going to do about this?  Where are you going to plant your flag, Carla?"  Whoa.  Didn't want to hear that.  As He planned it, after hearing the interview, I almost immediately read Huckabee's eloquently written status on the issue and I re posted it to my page.  I knew there would be those who disagreed.  I knew they'd post.  They did.  God was then asking again, "Where do you stand?".  I responded...on the Word of God.  You see, there are times that I do believe the Lord calls us speak up and I felt this was one of them.  I also believe that the Lord calls us to stand with our brothers and sisters in Christ when they are being bold.  I also believe as an American, our freedom of speech is so closely tied to our freedom to practice our Christitanity that if we don't defend it, we may lose it all.  Most importantly, there will come a day when I will have to answer to the Lord for my words and actions. I prayed every time I posted a response because more important to me than any political issue is that fact that Jesus Christ loves people, He came to die for all of us, and I wanted my responses to be LOVINGLY bold.  And many times in the past, my words have not been loving at all...they've left a lot of shrapnel and have not pointed others to Christ in the least.  Then, today, I went to Chick-fil-a for lunch.  What an incredible experience that was...to see so many people standing up for a man's right to voice his opinion! The great thing was no words had to be spoken...it was a fun time with a lot of sweet people.  I really do love being an American!

God wasn't done teaching me about bold words this week.  As I headed to the restaurant today, I received a call from a friend wanting some counsel.  Yep, you guessed it.  I had the choice to say the biblical truth, which is the antithesis of what the world says, or I could skirt around the issue and wish her well.  Again, that sweet whisper of the Holy Spirit says, "Where do you stand, Carla?"  So she got the hard to do, but God will get a ton of glory if you follow His Word counsel.  I know that was not what she really wanted to hear.  I knew that when the issues of our lives collide with the Word of God, we have a choice to make and we often choose the easy, known way.  I prayed for her to choose well.  Tonight I got a call that blessed me beyond belief when she said she took my counsel...which wasn't mine at all but His Words!

There was a verse in my reading this morning that summed it all up for me:  Proverbs 12:18

 There is that speaketh rashly like the piercings of a sword; But the tongue of the wise is health.

Heavenly Father, I ask that you make me wise in my thoughts, my actions and my words.  Let me be one who edifies, encourages, love and speaks your Word with authority and boldness.  Please remind me that my rash words can damage as deeply as a sword.  Thank you for loving me so much!

Hang On

Exodus 16:1-3
1 And they took their journey from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came unto the wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after their departing out of the land of Egypt.
² And the whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness:
³ And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger.
 

I've been thinking about this story a lot lately. I wish I could say it's because I am preparing a message on it or teaching it, but honestly, it's because I am living it.   So many temptations to return to former ways besiege me on an almost daily basis.   I just keep thinking it would be easier to go back, even if it isn't what is best.  I am no different than the Israelites.  They knew the circumstances in Egypt, but this unknown territory was frightening.  They struggled in trusting the Lord because their eyes were on their circumstances.  I struggle trusting too... wondering 'what if....'  all the while knowing that if I dare allow myself to answer, I will find myself stuck in a place that closely resembles the Egypt of their day... a place the the Lord didn't intend for them to be.  I know if I return to my Egypt, I will never completely find my specific purpose.  So I hang on to His word and His promises that He cares for me in ways that I don't understand.  I hang on to the fact that circumstances do not scare or intimidate my God.  I hang on to the truth that if I walk uprightly and trust Him, He will be my buckle or shield.  I hang on.


What about you?  Is He asking you to leave your Egypt?  Maybe it's a habit that has a stronghold on you...or a relationship that is not His best for you...or maybe He is asking you to step out in faith and serve Him in a way that stretches you?  I know that fear you face.  Just hang onto Him!

Father, you know all too well the challenges and temptations I face.  You know there are times I want to run back to what is comfortable, known, but completely unsatisfying.  You made me for more that just adequate.  I ask you to remind me of the truths of your promises when my resolve is wearing thin.  Thank you for bringing me out of Egypt and for walking with me to the promised land!  I love you!!!

Oddly Unrelated Randomness

Just some random observations I've made over the past few weeks....

God's Word literally changes my personality...just ask those living in close proximity to me!  Been a bit of a dry spell...actually laziness on my part.  Unfortunately, those around me pay.  So.very.sorry.

When you talk with someone about the "just in case something happens while I am gone" end of life wishes for your dog and they respond, "I don't want to have to make that decision, but I will" and they get a bit choked up...you KNOW you've picked the right person to take care of one of the things that has deep place in your heart!

There is nothing more appealing to me than a man who has good character.  One who has the grit to do the right thing, the wisdom to seek counsel on questionable issues, the determination to not look for a way around the rules but rather to either follow or change them, and the guts to confront an issue. This gem is a rarity...

Conversely, there is nothing that garners my inability to respect quicker than poor character.  Like Cubic Zirconia...you can find them everywhere!  'Nuf said.

All of the weather wrath and fury that we have seen unloaded upon our country of late has made me stop, ponder why, and go to my knees in prayer.  I don't know if God is judging us, but He isn't stopping it from happening either...things that make you go, hmmmmm. 2 Chronicles 7:14

All too often, we women are just mean girls in adult bodies.

Sad truth.....if men had responded to a movie like some of us women responded to 'Magic Mike', we'd have been incensed and calling them all kinds of not so nice names! Don't give me the excuse that it's about time the roles were reversed...it's called hypocrisy and I was a part of it!

Wait for the spectacular...that person or situation is so worth it, I promise! :)  Seems like I lose a part of me when I settle.

One of the sweetest things I have seen in a very long time is a picture of my aging dog chasing two adorable children around the yard with a sprinkler...you can almost hear the squeals leap off of the page and see the delight on Coco's face. Priceless.

People are going to say mean, stupid stuff.  I say mean, stupid stuff.  I need to practice a bit more forgiveness and grace on those who, like I can be, are clueless that their words hurt...even those said in jest.

Breakfast with a friend who is on the same page, in the same stage, and feels similar challenges as you is deeply comforting and a soothing balm for the soul.  Cherish, protect, and work at keeping those friendships vibrant.

Chronic gossipers have sad, sorry lives.

Nothing pulls me into deeper awe and fellowship with my Savior than His creation.  Snorkeling has left me in total wonder as to how anyone cannot see our Creator in His creation.  I am certain the wilds of Alaska will take it to a new level!  Looking forward to communing with Jesus in a cool way next week!

The Beauty of the Body

For the past several weeks my church has been going through a series of messages entitled "Welcome to Your Church" in which we have been learning the nine things a local church should be based on Acts 2:41-47.  Each week there have been a variety of videos played with different members telling what they love about the Body of Christ and there have been a few "live" testimonies as well.  It's been fun to hear all of the various random reasons, yet they all seemingly tie into one truth: that we stand on and live by the Word of God.  What has been the absolute coolest thing to me is that each week a different man has risen to the challenge of stepping into the pulpit and preaching a message from the Bible.  It has been nothing short of incredible.  These men are from all walks of life, run the gamut of testimonies, and have differing preaching styles...and all of them have a delivered a message that has resonated with me.  I feel incredibly fortunate to be in a church that doesn't depend solely upon the pastor to teach...but that there are at least 8-10 Jesus following, Bible believing men that can stand in the pulpit and deliver the Word.  That rocks!

Due to some challenges I have recently experienced, this past week's message was a special blessing to me.  It was on the subject of accountability.  The speaker did an exceptional job of teaching a concept that I really had never heard explained quite this way...implied accountability.  Because I would not do it justice in recounting the message (feel free to listen online at www.maplecitybaptist.com), in a nutshell, the truth that struck me was that when I decided to follow Christ, it was implied that other believers would hold me accountable for living biblically. 

And that is one of the biggest reasons I love my church family...not only is it expected that I will have my own walk with Jesus and that I will consistently ( NOT perfectly!) strive to live my life based on biblical standards, but there are godly people that will not only hold me accountable, they will put their arm in mine and walk with me as I endeavor to do so.

Tears

The last 48 hours have pretty much sucked.  I hate to use that word, but I can't think of anything tonight to put there in it's place.  Challenging situations, people who have wounded me to the depths of my soul, people who don't know anything about me making remarks that smart.  Many tears have dropped from my eyes....

Yet, He catches them.  He counts them.  He keeps them.

Father, I love you. I thank you for the pain because it's then that I see you most clearly.  You are the lover of my soul, my Abba Father.  Thank you for allowing these challenges to refine me, to temper my flesh, and to make me into the woman You have created me to be.

Psalm 56:8
Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?

God whispers that lead to great adventure!

I was visiting with my friend, Sherrie, yesterday about a book that I had read and passed on to her by Bill Hybels titled "The Power of a Whisper".  We shared how there are times in our lives when it seems we can't hear Him for all of the white noise of activity, responsibilities, life, and self.  That last word, "self", tends to be the issue that blocks my Heavenly Father from sharing intimate fellowship and whispers with me.  I am pleased to say that the last few weeks have been a rebirth of sorts as I have moved into a deep time of releasing self to Him and the results have lead to an adventure that excites and leaves me clinging to Him.  I like it. A lot!

At the end of the college school year, one of our young women moved into my home for what was to be a two week stay before she traveled to Mexico for a month.  Upon her return, she was planning to move onto the campus for the remainder of the summer.  Now, for a life long single settled into her routine, two weeks was about the max of time I wanted someone interloping on my schedule, life, time.  I also need to interject that this young woman and I had had our share of difficulties in the past.  However, during those two weeks, I found myself very much enjoying what she added to the mix of my home!  I got a front row seat to see how the Lord had and is molding her into a godly young woman. I enjoyed listening to her unique perspective that previously I found somewhat annoying.  He'd matured her...and me.  After some prayer and discussion with my roomie, we offered to allow her to stay with us upon her return from Mexico.  So, I am thinking that I will have the month of June, while she is in Mexico, to be my usual selfish self.

Wrong.

God had other ideas.

In a series of events that find me processing various emotions at once, I found myself bringing a second 20 something into my home for the summer.  There is a  story that surrounds the circumstances and it's not mine to tell, but it is a story that I believe Jesus is getting some serious glory out of...and will continue to do so. So, the week after the first leaves, I have a second moving onto my couch.  Whoa.  Didn't see that coming and hadn't planned on it.  I also wasn't sure I wanted to handle some of the issues that were bound to come with the circumstances.  I was afraid.  There was history between us that had been awesome and disappointing all at the same time.  We'd let each other down and would need to work on rebuilding the trust that had been broken. Of what was I afraid? I am not sure...conflict, failing in being a good role model. Being vulnerable. It was then I heard His whisper... Just keep your eyes on me.  I will walk you through this.

I will be honest...it's been an adjustment for all of us.  I am trying to find my way between mentor, mother, influencer, and friend. BUT, the blessings have far outweighed the adjustments.  So many amazing conversations, encouragements, tears, mending hearts...and yes, vulnerable moments, have occurred.  One of the sweetest moments of my day is when she and I pray together each evening.  Something I initiated, but something she has taken ownership of! Wow.  God is so much more than ENOUGH for me.

We now await the fourth member of our home to rejoin us on July 1.  She is ready to return and we are ready for her to be home.  I pray that the Lord uses me to influence them deeply in their desire to walk with Him.  I pray my mistakes, less than Christ-like attitudes and actions that they have and will continue to witness will be faint memories because I chose to walk so closely to Jesus amidst my failures that they really see Him and who He is in my life. And who He can be in their lives.

Today, I am feeling more thankfulness and gratitude for the upending of my life by the One who controls it than I ever thought possible.  I am excited to see where He takes us.  I am thankful for His whispers.

The Sting of Subtle, Smug Self-Righteousness

Sometimes, I really dislike the person I can be. Today had one of those moments of pure disappointment in myself.  Ironic thing is that I should have seen it coming.  Beautiful thing is the Spirit caught me before I made a complete idiot of myself. Let me back up and start at the beginning...

This past week my quiet time has really hammered the issue of pride. Yep, I am cruising through the book of Proverbs. I kept reading over and over about the Lord's hatred of pride and his pleasure in the humble.  Even the book I was reading for pleasure touched base on it as well.  Now, I know that when Jesus says something repeatedly to me, I need to step it up a notch and pay special attention.  Weird thing is, I really couldn't find issues of pride that were glaring and I confessed any little issue I could see, making me think I might be creating some confession just to make sure I covered my bases!  Seriously, I have been pretty beat up by life over the past week and wasn't feeling particularly good about anything.  Then it happened almost like a vapor coming in the room.  I was dealing with an issue of unrepentance in another believer and getting rather frustrated at the continued lying when that little crack opened up and I started to get self righteous.  I started hearing my self talk say things like, "So and so knows better than that.  They know God's word." or "Why don't they just clue in here and get right?"  Oh boy.  As I puttered around my office, the Holy Spirit does what He does best...smacked me upside the head with the log that was in my own eye.  Immediately, all of those "God hates pride" messages flooded my soul. Busted. Big time!  What made me even sadder was the fact that I didn't have a shred of grace for the situation... just how does one who loves Jesus with all she has, clings to Him because He is her only hope, and wants to be an encourager of souls have such an evil streak???  Even worse...how do I not have mercy and grace when I have done far worse?

No, I am not beating myself up...just being real.  I love that my relationship with my Father is such that conviction comes quickly and deeply in this instance.  I love that He got in my face about an ugly heart attitude.  I am so happy that He forgave me and replaced those feelings of smug self righteousness with ones of 'been there, done worse, God showed me grace and mercy and I want to do the same.' Being a daughter of the King is nothing short of wonderful!

1 Timothy 1: 15-16
¹⁵  It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. ¹⁶ Yet for this reason I found mercy, so that in me as the foremost, Jesus Christ might demonstrate His perfect patience as an example for those ^[a]who would believe in Him for eternal life.