To Know Him

My life has been oddly different for the past couple of months. This extroverted, opinionated woman has found a need at the depths of my soul to be quiet. To listen more and talk less. To seek the solace and quietness of my home. To not be in the midst of crazy scheduling that being involved in a host of ministries/organizations/relationships/activities bring. I'll admit, at first I thought I was going through a depression or some passive aggressive notion where I disliked being around people. Then I thought I was just being rebellious. I'm not used to pulling back the reigns and separating myself from the crowds. Normally, I'm energized by people, but honestly I have felt myself drained by them. As I kept pleading to the Lord to CHANGE ME back into the person I was, there was seemingly no response from Him. Then one night after our annual conference at church ended and as I laid in bed meditating over all I had heard that week, it dawned on me. This dry time was from the One who loves me most. The Lord wasn't satisfied with my superficial knowledge of Him and therefore, He wasn't going to allow me to be satisfied with the status quo our relationship had become. I laid there thinking of all I have seen Him do, the fact that He wanted me to know Him so deeply that HE PURSUED ME into a wild love relationship with Him, that He wants me to know Him so intimately that HE GAVE ME an unending volume of His word that shows me nuances to His character every time I make the effort to read it. I have seen Him change lives in such dramatic ways because HE LOVES.

This was verified by something that one of the speakers had said the next day. In paraphrase, he stated that we cannot know who we are in Christ until we really know who Christ is. God usually has to say it a couple of time for me to get on the clue bus. I've been spending so much time looking for the personal application to my time in the Word that I have totally missed the PURPOSE for being in the Word...to simply KNOW HIM. Yes, there is personal application and systems for living our lives found all throughout the word, but seriously, this is the one place that gives me insight into the very being of God Himself. How have I missed that simple truth all of these years? What is so ironic about all of this is the number of close friends I have spoken with about this very thing... that we spend so much time doing, being task oriented, trying to prove our faith, that we neglect the very foundation of the whole reason for our faith ~ a PERSONAL relationship with Jesus.

Since that night? My time in the Bible has been nothing short of amazing. I see things about Jesus I never realized before...I was too busy thinking about me instead of searching for Him. I went to our prayer night last night and it was one of the best I'd ever been to...because I was in sync with my Savior. No bells and whistles... just being in one accord with Jesus.