It's been a quiet season for me. The words that normally tumbled out without much effort, have been rolling around in my heart to be pondered, edited, redacted, and then allowed to just remain there until a time He saw fit to release them. Here's a synopsis of what's happened between my last post and now...
Ecclesiastes 3
A time to be born, and a time to die;
To pull an example from farming, a seed must die before new life can be seen. So it was in my life, a ministry had to die before a new one could be conceptualized. Last summer saw the abrupt end to my involvement in a ministry in which I was truly struggling, but would have never voluntarily left because it was what I'd always loved to do. But in that death, the Lord has birthed a new passion for ministering to the hearts of women. I have no idea where He is taking us on this adventure, but I am in the passenger seat, I've got my sunglasses on and am ready to go!
Lesson learned: He WANTS me to be a part of His work, but He certainly doesn't need me. Know what? I'd rather be wanted than needed any day!!
3aA time to kill, and a time to heal;
I know the time to kill sin is at the start. I've experienced a longer-than-I-want-to-admit period of unforgiveness for a fellow believer. My attitude was completely wrong, yet I delighted in holding on to my "right" to indignation and hurt. Shame. on. me. Yet again, Jesus is so gracious, loving and FIRM with me. A broken and contrite heart on the matter has replaced the haughty, ugly one that was beating inside my chest, and healing has taken over. Now to work on the fractured relationship....
Lesson learned: Forgiveness is readily available to the repentant, but the longer we wait, the more scar tissue remains to be dealt with.
7b a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
This has been a huge blessing that has been a long time in coming. God, in his graciousness, has been working on my desire to constantly offer my opinion on EVERYTHING. With His wisdom, I am finding that less is more on the sharing front! And as is the enemy's MO, there have been some very, very difficult situations that I've experienced over the past 18 months that I have been tempted to start in, and the Lord has either used His word, His people, or His circumstances to keep that from happening, and I am seeing the fruit. He is supplying opportunities for HIS words to be spoken, not out of my flesh, but through His love. I firmly believe that because of the hard choices of that discipline, He is now preparing me to speak to women. He was just waiting for me to follow Him and He needed to know that I will do my best to say His words.
Lesson still learning: Always, always, always talk to Him first.
8b a time of war, and a time of peace.
This is probably the scariest challenge/change of all. I have been fighting being overweight for a majority of my life. I have dieted endlessly and can tell you the "ins" and "outs" of most major diet plans. I have lost and gained more weight than I can even count. In October, things started to come to a head and I knew that there was NO WAY I was going to do all that He has for me to do if I didn't do something. I also knew that this was much more than a fundamental food issue. It was spiritual. I had the how to, but needed the want to. So I started a quest to figure out how to come to terms with it. I sought counseling from a professional which didn't produce the results I'd hoped. Then three weeks ago I began the study by Lysa TerKurst called "Made to Crave". Honestly, I didn't want to. But when the Holy Spirit dogs me like He did, I couldn't say no. Within an hour of reading the blog on it, I had ordered the book,workbook and DVD for the study. I tried reading it on vacation, to no avail. I got back and had convinced 6 others to do the study with me. This is where the war began. Week one was horrible...I was BLANTANTLY and WILLFULLY rebellious. I knew I was on to something if I was going to be battling like this from the start. Week two got a bit better. Then week three. The word of the week has been peace. I knew that with that being the word, the enemy of my soul was gonna be on me like white on rice. Oh, but my God had different plans...plans for me to rest in him each day, plans for me to see Him supernaturally be strength in my weakness, plans for Him to bless my obedience. Where this is going to go, I have no idea. But I do know that in a few short weeks, I am seeing my God in a whole new way. I am seeing my walk with Him take turns that never would have occurred without discipline and obedience. As with any war, there are battles that I am afraid of entering. I am afraid of failing, YET again. I am afraid of outing myself via this blog and having the scrutiny of those around me. Most of all, I am afraid of making a mockery of the power of Christ, who tells me I can do all things through Him. Yet, in spite of those fears, I am claiming my first memory verse of Philippians 4:6-7 and allowing that peace that passes all understanding to guard my heart and mind.
Lesson learned: pending....
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