He loves me

Have you ever just wondered if the Lord is really paying attention to your situation?  I had one of those moments this weekend.  I was praying and it felt like my prayers were bouncing off the skylight in my bedroom and scattering themselves across the comforter on my bed.  Not feeling a bit like I was truly reaching the ear of my Heavenly Father.  The same prayers being tossed up with hopes that something would change with my attitude.  I was really, really tired of feeling the same defeat.  I wanted to know He cared about what I care about.  I wanted to know that my Savior knew that I felt weak and that He was the strength I needed.  Then I did something totally selfish.  I simply said, "Please show me that you love me today."  Yep, an appeal on behalf of my feelings.  I wanted to feel loved.  Oh, I know He loves me.  But Saturday morning I wanted to feel it. As is unusual for me, I didn't even put parameters on what would make me feel loved.  He's my God, my Father, the One who knows me better than I know myself.  He knows what deep down makes me feel loved.  So, after my request, I got myself up and prepared to start my busy day.

Now, God doesn't do His work on my time frames.  He knows His girl is one who is truly into instant gratification, so He almost always makes me wait.  But Saturday morning, He changed it up.  He immediately delivered a message from one of my girls.  It started, "Hey there! Thought I should let you know that I am playing you today."  Now, when I read that first line it kind of scared me because I had no context and my mind raced to all of the nuances that statement held! :)  Then, she proceeded to go on and explain how she was spending time with a young girl who needed an godly influence in her life...just like I had done in her life some 9 years ago.  She went on to explain how she hoped the day would go and that her prayer was that she would be as godly an influence to this girl's life as I had been in hers.  I sat there completely stunned, sobbing.  My roomie kept asking what was wrong and I couldn't talk... I just sobbed.  Never, ever in my life have I felt as loved by my Holy Father as I did in that minute!  You see, this wasn't about some great, heroic thing I'd done...trust me, I have messed up SOOOOO many times in this situation as well as others.  It was my Savior telling me that I matter to Him and He chooses me to be a part of His work.  I don't think my feet hit the floor the rest of the day!

And as is God's way...He went further.  Our church service was one of the best I've ever been to...nothing spectacular by any means. But OH the worship!! It was decidedly different for me yesterday.  It was coming from a confident, love sodden heart and I knew the Lord was pleased!  It was like He was saying, "Are you finally grasping just what you mean to me??!!"  Then as if to drive the point home, another life that I have been allowed to be a part of was there to say goodbye to us.  He is following the Lord to the mission field to translate the Bible into the heart language of the peoples of Paupa New Guinea.  Again, I found myself weeping tears of joy.  So proud of the man he has become. Remembering the young college student sitting at my dining room table talking about life, sharing struggles, connecting because of our Savior. Now he is a man taking his wife and yet to be born child to serve our God. Wow.



It's no coincidence that this was one of the songs we sang yesterday... God just really wanted me to know the He loves me!