Forgiveness

I do not believe there was any accident that my quiet time fell on Psalm 86 today.  It was a fresh reminder of His forgiveness and mercy…something that has been a huge part of my 2012.  In verse 5 I found yet another promise of just how precious this gift is:  “For thou, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.” 

I like my relationships to be like pretty packages, all wrapped up neatly and tied with a pretty bow.  But, the reality is that they just are not going to be that way most of the time.  They are messy.  They can be difficult.  They can take us to limits we never experienced before, both good and bad.  We were created for them, especially to be in one with our Creator.  Yet, sin, in all of its ugliness, often keeps us from experiencing them at their  best , hence why forgiveness is so necessary.  So what have I learned about it this year?  Some of this may be obvious, but there are times I so need to be reminded of the obvious.

 Forgiving , forgetting… or not:  Most of us know that try as we might, there are just some things we can’t forget.  We were created that way.  So, how do we forgive and move forward?  I had two situations this past year that the Lord used to give me some insight into how this works.  The first was a sweet reconciliation with an individual that I had literally had been battling for awhile on various issues.  I will say that most of the blame fell on me.  I was rebellious and can now see that they truly were caring for my soul (funny how time and prayer gives perspective!).  If you would have asked me this time last year about the disagreements we had, I could have (and shamefully did!) spouted off verbatim the words that were exchanged.  I knew the conversations by heart.  I realized mid-winter that the Lord really wanted to use our talents together to bring Him glory.  I started praying, beautiful conversations occurred between us, and as only the Lord can do, hearts were mending.  The true victory came one day in the spring after some discussion we engaged in that I realized I couldn’t remember the details of the conversations that had embittered me so deeply.  I had truly forgiven and forgotten.  It occurs to me now that there were two parts to that happening:  I had quit feeding the monster of bitterness and the Lord had blessed me with memory loss! I know of myself,  that NEVER would have happened.  He is so faithful!

I do believe there are times when we will forgive, but we are not allowed to forget because He wants us to remember.  The Old Testament is peppered with story after story about the Lord telling Israel to remember things from their past in an effort to keep them from repeating the same mistakes again.  So it was with me and the second situation I went through this year.  I’d had a couple of relationships that didn’t end up as wonderful as the first one described.  I found myself having to forgive and be forgiven of hurt without reconciliation or change…which is like torture to someone who wants the pretty packages.  Trust me when I say, I’d love for these to end up like the first, but I know they won’t at least for now.  You see what I learned is that I need to remember the lesson because unhealthy relationships caused me to stumble in my walk with Jesus.  They didn’t nourish my soul, nor encourage me to be more Christ-like.  Going back would be like Israel returning to their enslavement to Egypt. Not bad people involved, just relationships that aren't healthy for me right now.  Let me be clear that the responsibility falls on me for allowing that to happen to me and that acknowledgement helps me from allowing bitterness to take root. That brings me to the best lesson on forgiveness that I have learned:

Forgiving me:  This one came hard.  I can be harder on myself than anyone else.  I have had some nasty words said to and about me, but none have done the damage to me like the words I say to myself.  I have tried to make wise choices for my life, and when I fail on occasion, I will berate myself in a way I would NEVER speak to another soul.  One day, that still small voice said, “Carla, how would you counsel any other woman in this situation?”  I knew deep in my heart I would tell them to move forward, forgive themselves for the mistake of not heeding wise counsel, and let the Lord use it to bring Him glory somehow.  That was the day I allowed Him to give me the gift of forgiving myself.

The reasons I share this is to give hope and encouragement.  So many have told me of struggles with this issue.  We harbor bitterness that keeps us from being all that we were intended to be.  That bitterness did nothing but hurt me. …and did not bring glory to the Lord in any way. Is that where you are right now? Quit feeding the monster!  Or maybe you are beating yourself up for failing.  Please do not waste one more second doing this…go to Him, confess, and He will heal. Let forgiveness be the best gift you get or give this season.