Gratitude

I Thessalonians 5:18 : In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Today I got to take Kelli to another one of the many treatments/appointments that have filled her calendar in 2013. I truly do not begin to think that I understand the frustration that she has felt with all that has entailed her diagnosis.  Yet, I have seen so many evidences of her living out I Thessalonians 5:18.  Just today we were talking about all of the tragedy that has struck those around us, and her sense of feeling fortunate inspires me.  I have seen her walk with Jesus deepen, especially her desire to pray for others. Not once have I heard her say, "Why me?" but rather "how can I encourage others?".  I want to mirror that attitude and share the things that I am giving thanks for through this illness that has touched my family...

1.  Our Community:  Simply put, WOW!  We have had hundreds of people reach out to us in prayer, words of encouragement, offers to take Kelli to appointments, hugs, diversions to just keep us laughing....not to mention the unbelievable turn out for her benefit. Overwhelming!! The funds raised were appreciated and the moral support of so many people showing up buoyed our spirits. Thank you seems so inadequate

2. My Jesus Family: An illness like this affects all close to the one enduring and I readily admit that there were days it was hard to even think straight. It was then that other believers reached out to me and let me know that they were walking with me.  We may worship at different churches, but we love the Lord and each other.

3. My Jesus Girls: These women are such an important part of the fabric of my life that I cannot imagine my life without them.  I've always been fortunate to have good friends, yet the Lord has blessed me with a group of women who get what it means to love sacrificially...and I have been the recipient of that this year.  I have cried, laughed, prayed, been hugged, allowed to just vent, and to be real with them.  They have seen some real ugly parts of me this year and never once turned their backs on me.  The coolest thing by far was their diligence in making sure that I was paying attention to my relationship with Jesus.  They called me frequently, asking me how I was taking care of my soul.  They get that I cannot pour into others if I am not going to the Source myself! Beyond blessed.

4. My Lord and Savior: Without Jesus I could not have survived this. He's comforted my fears about Kelli's diagnosis, surgeries, and treatments. He's reminded me often that He is holding Kelli in His hands. He's enveloped me in His grace and mercy when I haven't deserved it.  I never thought I could love Him anymore than I do, but I was seriously wrong about that.  I look forward to seeing Him face to face and trying to tell Him just how thankful I am that I am His.

Am I thankful that Kelli has had cancer? Absolutely not!!!!!!!  God doesn't ask me to be thankful for hideous, bad stuff.  But because of Him, I can find ways to be thankful in spite of the circumstances.

Anywhere - elseitis

Yesterday I had to attend yet another training.  Oh how I have come to loathe them. I invariably walk away far more discouraged than when I entered the room.  As I was prepping to leave, I sent a text out telling my friend that I'd probably be in touch through out the day because I would be bored.  Yeah, I was already planning to be disengaged and Facebook was going to be my entertainment!

As I was driving to the training, I got to thinking about that text and technology and how easy it has become to be anywhere else than where I am and in the moment.  I really was mulling that over and talking to the Lord about how this has become a growing problem for me.  I have always been bent to look past the here and now to the 'next fun thing' on my schedule.  Sometimes I wonder if I don't enjoy the anticipation more than the event!  Now with texting, twitter, facebook, etc. I am able to be with virtually anyone else other than those in the room.  And as the Lord often does with this girl, He delivered a visual reminder of how offensive not being present can be as I was on the receiving end of feeling like I didn't matter because another person in the room was somewhere else via technology.

Ah....anywhere-elseitis.  Yep, made that one up!  The chronic problem of being anywhere else but present in the moment. I've done this to countless people, and to the Lord.  Allowing distractions that ultimately make me miss the beauty of the moment...and yes, they are fleeting and only here NOW.  Today, I am asking the Lord to remind me and cure me of my anywhere-elseitis.  I don't want to miss this moment and the spectacular that may be found in it, whether it be a grand exciting event or the blessing of a simple smile.

Galatians 4:20a ~  I desire to be present with you now...

God Wink

My friend, LouAnn, is a great story teller and she often ends one that gives her a laugh by saying it was her 'God Wink' for the day.  I know what she is meaning by that...the little something that the Lord gives or shows especially for her to cheer her, make her smile and just let her know that He is present.  I had one this morning.

Now to some this may seem odd, but then again, you know me, so whatever.  When I was working at the County Nursing Home, which was a very stress filled job, I would often find myself praying on my way to work in the morning about whatever was the crisis du jour.  Taking care of 95 elderly with 95 different expectations as to what constituted high quality care is not for the faint of heart.  As became my standard, I would often ask the Lord to give me a blessing in the morning...something that showed me that He was there.  I would get pretty specific... I always wanted to see some type of bird.  Stop the snickering... I can hear you from here! ;)  Usually, I'd ask for a cardinal and sometimes it would be pheasants.  Sometimes I would ask Him to pick it out. (Captivating women...remember this from our study??!!) Once there were some turkeys...not sure what that meant.  Anyway, this was a 'thing' between my Abba Father and me.  Sometimes He would deliver on the request, sometimes not.  I never doubted He was there...because my faith isn't about what I can see, but rather what I know to be true. Still, sometimes the visual is just so.very.cool!

So fast forward to this morning.  I was on my way to work, thinking about all of the things that have kind of turned my life upside down over the past several months...incredible ministry opportunities, my sister's cancer diagnosis, a new relationship in my life...when something in the field caught eye.  There standing tall and regal was a full grown, absolutely incredible bald eagle!!  This creature was statuesque!!! I have seen one up close and I do not believe there is a more beautiful bird on the planet, in my humble opinion.  As I screeched, literally, to a halt and backed up on the highway to try to get a photo of it, it took off and it's wingspan was magnificent! I just sat there in the middle of the road and watched it fly so majestically upward and onward.  And I was awed. Not so much by this beautiful being, but by my Creator.  There isn't one ounce of doubt that Mr. Eagle was my God wink this morning.

I thought about the verse in Isaiah 40:31 that says, "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run, and not be weary. and they shall walk, and not faint." Often I have held onto that verse as a promise to be had...but today it is a promise that I am living out fully.  I have waited upon the Lord for many things in this life, and I am seeing so much fruit from that wait...so much so that it renders me speechless and fills my heart with abundant joy!  Yep, there are still struggles, things I wish were different, healing that hasn't come full circle.  Yet, I know my strength shall continue to be renewed, I will continue to run this race and not be weary nor faint because I wait upon the Holy Magnificent Mighty God that calls me His. Wow.

Good

Romans 8:28 ~ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

I don't know how many times I have read, claimed, prayed, believed, and held onto this verse over the years.  However, this past weekend I realized something that I hadn't really noticed before.  The word 'good'.  Oh, yeah, I mean I noticed it before and held onto it, but this was different.  As one of the guys from my church was preaching it on Sunday, I was claiming it for some circumstances currently surrounding my life and that still, small voice whispered to my heart... "Carla, I define good, not you".  Oh my Jesus knows his girl so.very.well.  You see, I have over and over and over again claimed that verse with a predetermined mindset as to what good ought to be, how it should all work out...in other words, I was defining 'good' from my frail, finite abilities.  That's not how He defines it.  He looks over the continuum of time eternal and defines good from that vantage point.  Sometimes it is how I envision it to be, many times it is not.  Sometimes it is better, sometimes not from my human understanding.  I have been blessed so many times by the Lord to have been shown in my lifetime some of the "good" reasons that bad, heart wrenching, profoundly disappointing moments occur on this Earth.  I have also been left with many moments that I simply cannot attribute any good to the situation.

The cool thing about this time is that it comes right behind the lessons of turning over control to the One who truly is that He is leading through.  As I claimed it this time, I added a prayer of understanding that He alone gets to define good and I offer up those areas for Him to bless or sacrifice as He sees fit.  What an incredibly sweet spot to be in!

Happy Monday!

Remembering Dave

Today the world is a bit less happy because a good one left it.  My friend, Dave Bruning, passed away after a short, but fierce, battle with cancer.  I knew earlier in the week that his time left on earth was coming to a quick end and I know he's free of pain and rejoicing in Heaven as I type this.  While I wouldn't wish his return from paradise to earth, I hurt for his family and those of us who were fortunate to know him.

I first met Dave several years back when he applied for the Maintenance Director at the nursing home where I was the administrator.  We'd had many candidates apply and I interviewed several.  While Dave didn't have the most experience of the lot, there was something about his easy going manner and genuineness that I liked.  I remember praying about filling this position with someone that I knew I could depend upon to take care of all of the maintenance issues that come with a huge physical plant, plus I needed someone who could deal with the precious people placed in our trust.  I had not a clue just how much I was going to be blessed with the answer to that prayer! 

Almost immediately, he began dealing with a situation with a vendor who was not dealing squarely with me and he took them to task!  That was Dave.  He understood my expectations of quality and he delivered consistently.

Dave also had my back.  In all the years that I'd managed nursing homes, never had I felt that I didn't have to worry about maintenance...until Dave.  I have less than zero competency in matters of mechanics and Dave knew that...yet he never ever made me feel stupid.  He'd explain to the level that he knew I needed to make a wise decision.

Dave was worker!  I remember the severe storm of 07 that took out power in our entire town.  The generator was acting crazy and Dave camped out several days at the nursing home making sure it got us through.  At one point we thought it was going to let us down, but he and a couple of the great guys who helped during that storm managed to keep it going.

Dave was so much fun!  He'd started calling me "Boss" early on and that just stuck.  In fact, I had the chance to visit with him a few months back and he walked into my office with that big grin on his face, saying "Hey, Boss!"  While I hadn't been his boss for 3 years at this time, he still treated me with respect.  I can remember when we played softball against another facility and I was the "coach".  I think Dave was a bit leery of my ability to do so until I started changing up players and batting orders and we won the game!  I then became "Coach" for a short while...always appreciated his support.

All of this was special, but none meant as much to me as the man he was to the people we served.  Dave was incredibly kind and respectful of our residents.  Endless hours he spent taking care of everything from air conditioners, to wheel chair repairs, to serving as a waiter for our Putting on the Ritz night, to giving miles worth of rides around the home to the resident who was just too tired to make it back to their room.  He'd help build floats, transport residents to special events outside of the home, and always dressed up for any special days we had.  Now, you may not understand just how important all of this was, but let me tell you...the residents did.  He was a part of their world and they mattered to him.  He was their advocate in many ways.  He was incredibly kind, listening to their stories, their hurts, or to sentences that just didn't quite make sense. 

I remember the day I told him that I was leaving the nursing home for another position in the county.  He was not happy with me and he let me know it in no uncertain terms...and I was touched to the bottom of my heart that I'd made that kind of impression on his life.

Dave Bruning was my co-worker, my protector, my friend and my brother in Christ.  I will miss him.

Thank you Dave for being so good to me...and I know you will be one of the first to greet me when we meet again!

The Patchwork of Life

The Crazy Quilt that hangs in my living room.

 

 

This morning as I was spending some time with the Lord, I pulled out my prayer journal that I had begun in 2008.  There were entries where I diligently prayed for people to be saved, for lives to be changed, for marriages to be strengthened, hearts to be mended, pitfalls to avoid, protection from making unwise choices.  There were entries on behalf of myself for wisdom and discernment, for strength to move forward in my life, help in overcoming so many weak areas in my character.  It was absolutely cool to see how God has worked.  I wish I'd been more diligent in documenting prayers, but the Lord has certainly been diligent in working on behalf of those I'd prayed for as well as for me!

 

As I was going through it, I was reminded of the story where our lives are explained as a tapestry. As the tale goes, we can only see the bottom, which looks all messy and no real pattern, but God sees the beautiful side that creates the picture of our lives.  Somehow, I get the feeling mine is more like a crazy quilt, much like the one in the photo.  Odd shaped events that made no sense at the time, seemingly fit together just right to become the story of my life.  One piece in particular has caused me a great deal of difficulty over the years, yet this morning He showed me clearly why I have had to endure it...that there was a significant purpose for it...that what I have been beating myself up over for too long was allowed for His glory.  What a sweet kiss from my Abba Father!  Now, instead of thinking negatively about it, I  know that the outcome may look very different today in several lives had I not been involved enough to pray over it.  What a blessing!

 

I have decided today to try to be a lot more diligent in recording my prayers and the answers as a great reminder that He listens, He cares, and He is intimately involved in my life.

 

Hebrews 11:6 ~ But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

A vessel for the finer...

Take away the dross from the silver, and there shall come forth a vessel for the finer.      Proverbs 25:45

 

This past week I was cleaning out some cupboards and came across this dish that had been given to me by a very dear woman who was like a grandmother to me...actually, she was a grandmother to me!  The piece had become tarnished and was looking rather drab, so I purchased some Twinkle and began the task of trying to remove several layers, and years, of tarnish...or as the Bible calls it ~ dross.

 

As I started to apply the cleaning agent, it became clear that this was not going to be an easy task! After A LOT of cleaner, a lot of elbow grease, and several soft cloths, I started to see the beauty of the silver and something else...my reflection.

 

This reminded me of the above verse in Proverbs. As I scrubbed away the dross, I thought about the Lord removing the dross from my life.  I know there has been some that has not been too tough to remove and then some that was so deeply ensconced in the deep crevices of my soul that it took some meticulous attention to remove it.  Like the dross on my piece of silver, there have been layers upon layers of dulling agents like poor attitude, laziness, selfishness, or sin to remove from me.  I could envision the Lord scrubbing it away by apply some heavy pressure, just as I did.  I could also envision the Lord being as pleased as I was when He could finally glimpse His reflection in my life.  While I don't always enjoy the process of having Him remove that dross, I so look forward to being a vessel for the finer!

 

 

The finished product!