Planting Flags

My friend, H, and I have a standing joke between us that we both fly freak flags...and we embrace that truth. I've never been cool on any level (I will say she is, however!) and I became even more 'uncool' by world standards when I decided to be all in for Jesus.  To wear the team colors of being a Jesus freak, if you will, and to sell out to Him.  It's not always been easy by any means, but it's always worth it in the long run.  Today presented me with such a moment.

I've been doing pretty well in most areas of my life...except one.  My food idolatry.  Ugh.  This last bout of disobedience to the Lord lasted several l-o-n-g months.  I'd given up.  The Lord kept pushing, nudging, calling...but I kept hurting my body, my testimony and ultimately, Him.  Finally, a week ago Sunday, I repented (again!) and turned.  What precipitated that moment is a blog for another day.  I returned back to eating healthy food that fuels my body instead of stuffing down emotions.  Going back to moving my body to keep it able to do what He designed it to do.  And back to dealing with what's eating me that prompts me to eat.  Once again acknowledging my thorn in the flesh.  I've had a successful week...eating well, moving much more, enjoying the sweet fellowship that obedience brings.  In fact, I could tell He was my strength during the week.  I was pumped to hop on the scale this morning...only to find I'd gained a small amount. As I stepped off the scale, I heard the sweet voice of my Savior whisper, "Where are you going to  plant your flag?  In the truth of my word, or on the number of that scale?"

You see, I'd spent a lovely Friday afternoon having great conversation with a friend about planting our flags in the truth of Scripture versus doing so in the feelings we have in the circumstance.  Hmmm...it's so like my Father to bring me to a point that I have to live out my own counsel!  I could give up.  But today (and that's all I am responsible for!), I chose to believe what 1 Corinthians 1:9 says, "God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord."  God never promised me weight loss in my obedience in this area.  I chose to believe that when I am in my flesh, as Romans 8:8 says, I cannot please God.  My soul's desire is to please Him.  So, today I am planting my flag in the truth of the Word that my sowing of obedience will reap glory to Him.  That my obedience will please Him as 1 Samuel 15:22 says.  Now, please do not think that I believe I am something good or holy, but quite the opposite.  I am a woman simply saved by the grace of Jesus and what He did for me on that cross... and for today, my desire is to please Him with my obedience.  So when the disappointments of life hit you, where will you plant your flag?

I don't think a salad has ever tasted so delicious! :)

Running on empty

To say I've been distracted lately would be an understatement.  I feel like it's been months of working hard at being able to string thoughts together.  Overwhelmed doesn't define this battle. This morning was some more of the same.  I was puttering around gather items, having another hard discussion with the Lord.  Not quite whining, but seriously questioning whether I am on the path He wants me on.  Is what I am doing truly making a force for eternity or am I just some zealous bible believer with no impact?  My quiet time has been so.very.dry.  No "aha" moments.  No words of encouragement. Nada.  It's that dreaded feeling that Jesus and me are just going through the motions of this relationship.  I am trying to do what He asks... pray, read, love Him, study His word, and seriously, I am trying to just be still and be with HIM...yet, I wrestle. All the while I was doing this inner commentary, my roomie was sharing something from her quiet time about faith.  I was listening with my brain, but not my heart.

As I schlepped my overburdened bags to the car, I was dredging up one more thing I could do to turn this stale season into an oasis of encouragement.  So, I decided to listen to a message entitled "Doubt".  I was fumbling with my phone to get the message started, not at all paying attention to what was directly in front of me.  As I am driving down the road half listening to the sermon, not quite half way into my drive, I notice the gas light is on.  I glance at my range which tells me I have about 17 miles left in the tank.  Now, this isn't a precise method of appraising the gas levels, but it's better than the gas gauge.  At that point, I have a decision to make... do I turn around and go back for gas or do I continue on towards work?  Do I go backwards or keep moving forward?  Neither way promises that I will make it to the gas station.  I then do the only thing I know to do... I ask God to get me to the gas station in Aledo.  Now, I believe that God can do anything. Period.  Not a doubt... but my issues come with this question, "Will He do that for me?"  I don't know exactly why I fight that question with every.stinking.prayer. but I do.  I can pray with great fervor and belief that He is going to work in the lives of those around me, but I without fail, doubt He will do it for me.  No, I don't doubt He will save me. It's the dailies that beat me up.

Well, the range reads 17 and I keep moving forward... two miles later range reads 10 as I turn onto the highway.   I am almost resigned that I will be calling someone from work to bring me gas along the route.  Get about 4 miles from my destination and I am reading 0 miles on the range.  At this point, I start praying truths... that He is a God who performed miracles, so gas in my tank to get me to Casey's is no big issue for Him.  Then this truth rolls out... He loves me and provides so much for me. I know, regardless of the outcome, He will provide. The results of this, albeit minor issue, will be ultimately used for His glory.  As I glide into the gas station, I have zero doubt about one thing... I am loved by my Holy Father.  He used this situation again to teach His girl that in my distracted, human failing, He's got my back.  He taught me that as I combat doubt, He is lovingly and patiently working on my behalf to build my faith and trust in Him.  He taught me even in parched times when our relationship seems distant, He is constant.  He reminded me that it's o.k. to wrestle and it's when I quit trying to understand is when there will be deep problems.  Yep, all of this learning because of an empty tank of gas.  He's pretty cool that way. 

As I got into my car from filling up, Sherri's words came to mind about faith.  She had shared about "faith exhorting faith to wait patiently on the sure yet unseen".  That's exactly what this morning was... Jesus was exhorting my faith to wait patiently on the certainty of  His word and eternity.  That these present doubts, failings, sacrifices (which pale in comparison to His sacrifice!), and hard choices will produce fruit that may only be seen in the forever.  

Abba, Father... this glory is all yours! I love you!!

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Politics, Media and Perspective...oh my!

Today is August 7, 2015 and this morning ushered in the beginning of what I love to call the political mean season.  It is the reason that I quit watching morning television "news" shows some 8 years ago.  Frankly, I have zero interest to know every time a politician twitches and the opinion of what that means by 14 analysts.  I used to be interested in the political process but no more.  I wonder if the process has just become so much of a joke because our culture as a whole lacks a desire for integrity and we are all about 'what's in it for me' instead of  'what's in it for us'?  Or I wonder if because of the instant access via social media to every idea and opinion that I now realize just how depraved we humans really are?  I suspicion it's a bit of both.  I mean, I am not going to believe that our government has ever cared one iota about my personal station in life.  I do believe we have had a short list of servant leaders who got it... that the calling they took on when elected to office was something greater than themselves.  Still, it's human government...which means it's full of broken, sinful people who will at some point be asked to compromise.  Sadly, all levels of government are filled with people who have zero moral compasses and are happy to go which ever direction the wind blows.  But then there are those few...that will stand up to the unrelenting pressure of a biased media (and I believe it's biased on both sides!) and plant their flag for "We the People". They are a rare and dying breed.  They will be maligned for holding an opinion that may not be mainstream by the very people who pay lip service to the mantra of tolerance, but are very far from actually living what they say they believe.

I almost got sucked back in.  Endless tweets, Facebook posts, and sound bites about the first round of 'debates'. Although I did try at one point,  I didn't watch last night but got lulled into what others thought by listening and reading on social media today.  Then perspective hit:  folks, we have 16 months of this stuff ahead of us. SIXTEEN MONTHS.  And you know what?  We aren't guaranteed our next breath much less 16 months.

So, what's my plan?  To take today and do my best with it.  To encourage and pray for the friend who got some difficult news about her health.  To pray and encourage the adults who are toiling at our annual youth camp for the eternal souls of young people.  To tell others about Jesus because in reality, this world isn't any human's final place of residence.  To pray for those leaders because they need it and more importantly, the Lord commands me to do so.  To work as if I am doing it for the Lord. To stand up when needed to speak the truth. To give my all for the cause of Christ.

Should I be around in November of 2016 to vote, I will certainly do so.  I will make an informed, prayerful decision and exercise the right that America affords her citizens.

Until that time...I've got more important things to do.

Taking a deep breath

Sometimes, we all need to pause and take a deep breath.  We need to shut down the crazy that can quickly consume us and find True North.  I made the mistake of checking Facebook before checking in with God.  Oy.  I know better.  There in the news feed were articles of impending doom, ridiculous 'news' articles about the opinions of people who make me want to shout "Seriously, get over yourself!", and the smattering of passive aggressive posts by people that make a regular habit of doing so.  Quickly, I knew that I needed to have face time with my Creator or I was in serious peril of spiraling down into the abyss of worldly nonsense.

I found myself in 1 Samuel 1-2. I love the story of Hannah.  I so get her.  She is a woman wanting, longing for something from the center of her soul only to be misunderstood by those around her.  Yet, she knew the Lord was listening.  She had no place to go but to Him.  This was only something that He could deliver on. Oh, yes, I get it.  I appreciate how when she is finished praying and speaking to Eli that her countenance is no longer sad (1 Sam 1:18). I've experienced the same softening of my features when I've boldly petitioned for those desires that stir deep.  When audible words do not come, but that provoking of the spirit assures me that I was heard by the One who cares and Who knows.

Yet, today, it wasn't Hannah's prayer in chapter 1 that caused my heart to skip a beat.  It was her worship in 2:2 that captured my attention.  It says, " There is none holy as the Lord: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God."  Simple, grounding truth.  As I come through a struggle, this certainty cuts through the feelings, vain imaginations and lies that anyone but the Jesus is Lord and He alone is capable to do that which I cannot.  Oh, how in the thick of the unknown do I want to be found in this kind of worship. The world and my life may be chaotic...but He is the rock.

Jehovah Shalom

That moment of undiluted conviction.  That burn in the depths of my heart because I know I've sinned against the Lord.

Heartbreaking.
Brokenness.
Comprehending the depths of my depravity.

Ugh.

That's when He nudged me and stirred up these words in my heart..

Hey sweet girl.  Do you see my grace?

Yes, you've failed, but you are not a failure. The all loving gift of My blood on the cross makes that so.

Yes, you are hurting from the pain your choice has caused, but I see the beauty that will rise from this mess.

Yes, you are feeling the conviction of sin, yet My Word reminds you of promises of peace that come with repentance.

My girl, it's hard and I know it.  I wanted to protect you from these consequences, yet, I will use them to mold you.

Do you see my grace?  It's right there in the prayers, hugs, and healing words of the inner circle that walks this path with you.  It's in the counsel of the godly leader I've placed in your life to shepherd you.  It's in My Word which gives example upon example of those who have gone down similar paths that I have worked life changing miracles through for my glory.

Hey daughter...look again...yeah, that's my grace telling you that I am not finished with you yet...in fact, this is a new start.

I am your Jehovah Shalom - your God of Peace.

Psalm 51:8 - Make me to hear joy and gladness...

8452

8452... the approximate number of days that I have left on this earth if I live to be the average age of 75.  Yep, I've counted them out.  A little over a month ago I heard a message by James MacDonald on the following verse:

Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

It resonated with me in a deep place in my soul. When I turned 50,  I'd made a pledge to myself to do something greater with the second part of my life than I had the first part.  I don't want to waste time with the futile activities of previous years...worry, stagnation, resignation, hanging on to empty relationships, just to name a few.  I am truly stubborn enough to believe that my best days are yet to be lived.

So, I've numbered them.  I know that if I don't, I will be caught up in the distraction of the urgent instead of the intention of the important.  Last night I was reminded of the necessity of being brutal with distractions.  I've been hosting a women's night on Thursdays to discuss the book The Best Yes  by Lysa TerKeurst. The past three Thursday evenings have been the biggest blessing I've had in a while.   I knew He was calling me to open my home and heart to women who needed to be a part of this gathering.  I knew I had to be obedient because that obedience was connected to that pledge of purpose.  I knew I needed it far more than anyone who would walk through my door.  Oh.so.glad.I.obeyed.  To have women who want to connect with each other in a purpose filled way...well, it makes my heart smile. To have the women I've encountered the past few weeks want to do some serious damage for the Kingdom by seeking Him, His word, and His fellowship with other like minded ladies...excites me beyond measure.  

Last night's discussion perhaps gave me the best clue about how to apply my heart unto wisdom:

Be present.

I can number my days, but the reality is the only thing I have is this moment.  I may get more or less of the 8450 I've counted up.  All He is asking of me is to be acutely aware of the gift of time yet to be present in the here and now.  Not to worry about the future or bemoan the past.  Today.  Spend time with Him to get my direction and daily dose of love.  Be present with Him.  Spend time in intentional relationship with those He's placed in my sphere of influence.  Be present with them.  Listen with intention.  Encourage with grace, truth and love.

My prayer is that you are encouraged today to be present where He has you.

Lessons from Jehovah-jireh

This past weekend found me trying to get several small things done so that I could take most of the weekend.  One of those things was picking what cherries might be salvaged after rain and bug damage...

I was fighting bugs, poison ivy, humidity and honestly an attitude that was as sour as the ruby orbs I was picking.  I'd had a good time with the Lord earlier and didn't want this task to ruin what was the good start to the day.  So I asked Him to commune with me and let me know He was there...which He answered in the form of lessons.  As I continued to search for edible fruits, it dawned on me (thank you Holy Spirit!) that cherry picking is a lot like studying God's word.  Often, there will be low hanging fruits that are consumable, but it's usually the fruits hiding under the leaves and branches that offer blemish free fruit.  So it is with my studying.  I can simply read a small portion of scripture or a nice little devotional and will get something that makes me feel good or may be a little bit convicting and call it a day.  However, when I begin to study the words, compare Scripture with Scripture and really unpack a passage, I get the really good stuff.  The life changing lessons.

As I was picking cherries, again the Holy Spirit reminded me that He really is Jehovah-jireh - "the Lord will provide".  These cherry trees weren't planted by me.  One or two were planted by the former owners and then propagated by the many birds that make my land their home.  I did nothing to bring these cherries to my home. Yet, I and some family/friends reap the benefit.  Another find...

Gooseberries!  Never have seen them before on my land.  Jehovah-jireh.  I have never eaten them before but you can bet I will try them this year!

And the best lesson about Jehovah-jireh?  His provision of my family, and in particular my parents.  As I was harvesting the fruit and giggling about my gooseberry find, I couldn't help but think of how very fortunate I am to have learned what I have from my folks.  There were years of gardening when we were growing up: planting, harvesting, canning/processing.  We were all a part of the process (can I say that I HATED picking strawberries (I swear that bed was 1/2 an acre!!) and corn...oh, and those nasty ginormous spiders in the tomatoes?!!) and it wasn't fun a majority of the time.  The only exception was blackberry picking with my Dad...it was usually filled with stories from his past and I love those times!  Mom would work tirelessly to can or freeze everything...and we'd have an abundance of fruits and vegetables to last throughout all of fall, winter and into spring!  As they say, more was caught then actually taught.  We learned by watching and helping them.  I now know how to process that produce because I watched Mom and was a part of it all.  Those lessons are invaluable as I am now loving pulling out what little I can, freeze, and dehydrate in the winter and enjoying it with others.  I am so thankful to be a Ewing and to have been given my parents to teach me over the years!

What started out as a bad attitude became a time of gratitude...as only Jehovah-jireh can do!