The peacock

I am an odd duck.  I just needed to get that out of the way, to which some of you are telling me to tell you something you don't already know. As I have shared before, I strive to have a unique relationship with the Lord and sometimes I go to him with the oddest of requests.  Yesterday was one of those days.

The women at my church have just come off our yearly retreat weekend.  It was amazing.  It was hard. It was emotionally draining. It was beautiful! I have been full out exhausted from it.  Between the emotional and physical exhaustion, I have been a experiencing a wide array of emotions.  One moment I am critical, the next I am crying.  Later I will be angry in one second, and repentant in the next.  I don't like it.  I want to be sober minded.  I want to have those feelings under control at all times. Well, lack of sleep coupled with deep soul bearing moments are the perfect storm for my other personality to rear it's irrational head.  This personality was in control when I was driving to work yesterday as I poured out my hurts to the Lord.  I was asking Him to once again show me that he loves me, that I matter to him...that I just needed something to build my faith.  If you've read my blog in the past, you  may know that God and I have a bird thing.  I have often asked him to let me see a bird on my way to work or home. It's our thing.  So, I retreated to my normal patterns and asked to see a bird.  The bird that came to mind was a peacock.  Yes, a peacock.  When it came to mind, I laughed.  It's winter and I don't know who would have peacocks out this time of year.  I also didn't think they were a 'wild' bird common to Illinois. Crazy.  But I couldn't quit thinking of the peacock.  So, I laid it out there.  Lord, I want to see a peacock.  I laughed and then started to debate the lunacy of that request.  After all, God's got better things to do than produce a peacock for me to see.  Plus, the question that often lurks when I request from Him bubbled up... I know you can do it Lord, but I doubt that you will do it for me. Ugh. He has proven over and over that He loves me so much, that He has protected me from so much, that He cares about the smallest details in my life. And here I come asking for one more time for Him to prove it to me...again.

So the debate began and I was determined to trust Him to show me a peacock on my way to work.  I am intently looking to the left and right as I drove to the office.  I kept telling Him that I believe that He will answer this ludicrous request. I did see a magnificent eagle and promptly thanked Him for that! As I pull into the drive, I smiled thanking Him for listening to my crazy.  It was silly to ask such a thing, I tell Him.  It's just my emotions talking, I say.  This was one of those requests that He opted not to answer.  I was making my way to my office and I cut through one of my co-workers office.  A colorful object on her desk caught my eye.  Yep.  The bell in the above picture.  A peacock. I stopped dead in my hurried tracks.  A peacock.  Seriously...a peacock!

I had never seen that bell on her desk, so I went to ask her if it has always been there and I'd just not noticed. She said no, that she'd just put it there.  I couldn't help but laugh...kind of like Sarah when she was told in her old age that she would have a child.

My take away from this?  That I have a God that loves my quirky self!  Coincidence? NOT ON YOUR LIFE!  He chose to answer my prayer in the affirmative, but in a way that taught me so much... that He loves me, that He listens, and most importantly, He answers prayers in His own timing and way.  My job is to be diligent and watch...but not to expect that it will be delivered in the way I think it should be.  He is God and He calls the shots in my life. I love it and I love Him!!

Colossians 4:2: Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving

Getting pumpkined....

Yesterday, I got "pumpkined"!  I got a phone call from the roomie asking me if I had decorated the front of the house with pumpkins.  I said no and she went on to explain that there were pumpkins galore adorning the porch and sidewalk.  I drove up to find a harvest display welcoming fall.

While the display was sweet, that wasn't the most wonderful thing about this random act of kindness.  It was the fact that one of my wonderful friends surprised us with a lovely offering of blessing.  That someone thought about us and then acted on those thoughts. Our home has been filled with stress and illness for the past several weeks and we just haven't had the time nor energy to get extra things done.  Honestly, the best part of the whole experience was hearing the joy in Sherri's voice when she called to ask.  She has not felt well for a while and that one seemingly random act brightened her day immensely!  Yeah, that's the kind of people I have the privilege of having in my life.  So.stinkin.thankful!

The Lord has been challenging me to find things in the ordinary to be thankful for on a daily basis.  Let's face it, most of life isn't the big events or moments.  Yes, those are fantastic, but they are so rare that we could go years of thinking we have nothing for which to be grateful and miss out on the really special moments.  For example...

Yesterday's sky was empty of any clouds and it was 360 degrees of nothing but brilliant blue.  So beautiful.  I was so enthralled with His creation as I stood outside and just looked up.

One of my sweet friends sent a text picture of her snuggling with her daughter, knowing that she had papers to grade and tests to create.  Yet she gets that she only will have these moments now and they will soon pass, so she chose the better thing. Thankful for moms who get it.

Perusing through old journals filled with difficult moments and seeing just how faithful Jesus has been to me, has grown me through trials, loved me deeply when I was a hot mess, and deepened my trust in His plan for my life.

The instant message from my mentor saying she is praying for me when she has no idea just how much I needed it at that moment....but He did and sent someone to be His hands and feet.

The new believer who shares his faith with someone who has been on this path for sometime and who's first love has waned a bit.  Little does he know how much his grateful passion was just the kindling that my tired heart needed.  Gave me hope in a dry season.

The laughter of a life long friend as we sit eating the best slice of pizza and remember all of the wonderfully fun times we've had as we plan for more.

Jackie, the pumpkin decorator, has given me the idea to pay it forward.  To see who I can bless, to let them know that I am thinking about them and acting on it.  How about you?  Is there someone you can bless?  Or maybe the Lord is challenging you to refocus and see just how much you have to be grateful for everyday? Trust me, you will never be the same. :)

Blogging Challenge week - Musical Monday

Here's the challenge: What are the top five most frequently played songs on your iPod/iTunes account?

Hmm ...as is my prerogative, I am choosing to change this up a bit.  My iPod has a whole lot of music downloaded to it from 4+ years ago that bores me to tears and I don't have an active iTunes account.  I am cheap that way.  I prefer to listen to Pandora or watch YouTube videos.  So here is the Carla twist on the challenge ~ the top five songs or channels I am currently listening to via the two aforementioned sources.

5.  Home Free:  I just recently have discovered this very talented acapella group.  Those who watch "The Sing Off" know instantly who these guys are and have enjoyed their talent.  Here is the video for their performance of Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire.

4.  Angry Girl Music:  Yeah, this one doesn't make me proud to admit.  I like the upbeat, sometimes naughty music by Pink, Rihanna, Katy Perry, etc.  I know, I know...not fitting for someone who professes a deep faith or who is of a certain age.  But truth is, I have found that I really am motivated to get things done when listening to Pink telling someone off...

3.  Skillet:  I've been listening to this band a lot since seeing them in concert this past March.  Again, not a band that I would normally be inclined to listen to, but their drummer is amazing and well, I simply like some of their songs.  Great to motivate me to walk a bit faster!

2. Sara Bareilles:  I just enjoy this quirky girl and her music.  King of Anything was the first song that I recall hearing of hers and I am a fan.  The newest one, I Choose You, is one of my all time favorites:

1. Big Daddy Weave/MercyMe:  Great worship music. Enough said.

Five months in....

Yesterday started my 6th month of being on the Daniel Plan for better health and as I was walking I was looking back at what I have gained over the past 150 days because of this decision and wanted to share them as a hopeful source of encouragement.

1.  Peace:
             You know that feeling you get when you are right where the Lord wants you, even when all hell breaks loose around you?  Yep, that's peace.  It is a beautiful thing to wake up and know this is what He wants me to do.  I love the peace of knowing that I am pursuing glorifying Him through being a good steward of what He has entrusted to me.

2.  The choice is mine, the strength is His:
              God did not create us to be non thinking, non decision making puppets who sit limply by waiting for Him to move the strings and we respond lifelessly.  EVERY day I have a choice to make of whether I am going to continue to pursue this road to health or if I am going to not.  I have a choice of whether I will move my body or not.  The big difference?  His strength to do it.  When I humbled myself and said I cannot do this by myself (and I have spent 35 years trying!!), that became a vessel in which He could work.  Make no mistake... I have worked very hard at making good food choices and moving my body, but the want to has come from the Lord.

3.  Living in the moment:
              I am usually all about making plans, having some goals, and being a control freak about much in life.  The Lord is changing that through the DP.  I now work at being prepared, yet living from one decision to the next...or walking in the Spirit.  An example:  Prior to the DP, my weight loss efforts were based on perfectionism and when I would fail, I would throw in the towel. Now they are based on moment by moment decisions.  When I choose to eat something that isn't that healthy for me at one meal, I am allowing that to be what it is - ONE decision. I am learning to make the next decision to be a good one.  I am finding that the good decisions far out weight the bad. It's about health and that is made one decision at a time.

4. Encouragement:
              In the past week alone, I can recount at least 6 people who have been a direct encouragement of my efforts! Everything from asking about my fitness goals of hiking to being told they were proud of my efforts.  Just yesterday, my friend Carrie asked how I was doing and I told her and her response was "Well I can tell you are sticking with it!"  Those simple words put wind in my sail for the rest of the day.  My days are often smattered with moments of encouraging words from those around me.  I have discovered that there are people who want to help me accomplish my goals, whether it be my new love of hiking to eating a healthy meal.  Friends who have rallied around me and supported my fitness to ones who call and invite me to dinner, cooking healthy for me.  It has blown my mind and filled my heart!  I hope to return the same to those around me.

5.  I love pushing myself more and caring what people think less:
              This realization makes me giggle.  I have never pushed myself physically before.  Now I find myself pushing some limits that I would have never done.  I have actually found myself, **GASP**, jogging during my walks!  It makes me LOL!  I have also found myself zigzagging down the road to get in more steps, not caring that those around me may think I look like a dork!  I also have taken up hiking and am finding that I love it.  I like to challenge myself to climb things I would not have before, to walk a bit farther than before, to finish well.  I may not be overly graceful, but I am doing it.

6. Grace:
            This is the sweetest lesson of all.  I realize that I didn't have a clue what true grace was all about and I am still in the learning process.  I was so hard on myself and everyone else around me (so sorry!) to be something that the Lord never intended.  I viewed my Heavenly Father as something of a tyrant who was ready to smite me or at least be vastly disappointed in me every time I mess up.  Nope, that is simply not the case.  Yes, I believe God is serious about sin and we should be as well.  Yet, I also believe He is well aware of our frail human nature that rages war inside and He showers us with so much grace to deal with it.  I am finding that He truly does care and wants me to succeed, and, shocker...wants to help me succeed!!  The DP has been freeing in that realm for me and I am embracing it with all I have and hope to spread it to others as well.  I love Jesus more than I did when I started this and I didn't think that possible.

These are the rewards.  It's these non visible motivators that keep me after it.  I've lost pounds, but they aren't near as important as what I have gained!

TRUTH.

REFUSE TO SETTLE.

Spirit Led Dependency

Yesterday, I was filling up my water bottle for what seriously felt like the millionth time and I began to wonder why the Creator of the universe couldn't have just wired us so that we didn't need water so much.  So I asked Him.  Yeah, that's our relationship. I ask if I want to know.  He may choose to answer immediately.  He may choose to have me dig in His word before He reveals the answer to me.  He may choose to just say, "Wait."  Yesterday, the answer came in one word.

Dependent.

Dependent.  A position in life that has never felt comfortable to me and a word I have treated with disdain.  If you ask my parents to name a characteristic that has described me since birth, they would most likely say independent.  I have heard the stories of my penchant for 'doing it myself' from the time I was a young child.  I have worn independence as a badge of honor and, remorsefully, have allowed it to become an issue of pride with me.  It has cost me much over the years of my life.  However, yesterday dependence was a word that brought a sense of well-being and peace. Why?

I don't know if it's because I am becoming wiser in my years and/or have concentrated on walking in the Spirit more, but I am finding that I am learning to embrace the dependency I have on the Lord's leading.  As I have aged and He has given me more wisdom, I understand the absurdity of thinking that I control most of what goes on in life.  I simply don't.  I can try to make the best decisions for my life and still have less than desired results.  Bad things still happen to good people.  Sometimes, people do bad things and pay no price for them. What I do know is that I am responsible for me and the choices I make and the outcome is His to determine.  As I have pursued walking in the Spirit more purposefully, my spirit has become more settled and joy filled.  It has taken that unnecessary pressure off of me to control outcomes.

I have now completed 126 days of life change on this Daniel Plan.  I have lost 39 pounds, inches that I haven't bothered to measure, and an addiction to sugar and refined flour.  I have gained energy, joy, and purposefulness.  All of that is good, but they are not the best things I have lost or gained. That would be losing independence and gaining trust and grace.    My trust in my Savior has grown exponentially.  The same God that delivers on every promise from manna to motherhood in the Scriptures is the same God who knows my name, knows my weaknesses, knows my struggles, and knows the inheritance He has chosen just for me.  He KNOWS me.  Does it really get any better than that?  Have you fully embraced just what it means to have a Heavenly Father that knows you better than any other being, including yourself?  This same heavenly Father does what He says He will do (Titus 1:2), fights for you (Jeremiah 1:19), prays for you (John 16:26) and wants to protect (Psalm 28:7) and take care of you (Matthew 10:29-31).  He is also the same God who sent saving grace (Eph 2:8-9) in the form of the God- man Jesus Christ.  That same grace gives you a place to grow, is sufficient for all you need ( 2 Cor 12:9), and gives you access to boldly approach the Father (Heb 4:16) and ask Him anything.  That's what I did and He has answered in ways that I couldn't imagine...but He said He would! (Ephesian 3:20)

Father, thank you for bringing me to a place of dependence upon You unlike I have ever known!

Wind

The wind whipping through the trees at Gibson Woods

Yesterday on my morning walk, I was blessed with a cool breeze to keep the heat and bugs at bay.  As I was walking north for my first mile, that wind was at my back, scooting me along at a pretty good pace.  I was making good time and got to the turn around point, only to find a fierce, stiff wind blowing h-a-r-d!  I couldn't hear my music for the sound of howling wind whipping past my ears.  I literally had to lean in and push through it for my mile return home.

As is par for the course, the Lord often speaks to me during these moments of observation.  Yesterday was no different.  The first take away had me comparing my morning fitness walk to that of my walk with Jesus.  There are many times that I feel like I did heading north...the breeze at my back, floating along and happy as can be, just enjoying Jesus and seemingly moving forward at an effortless pace.  My time in the word is rich, I am being more obedient to what I am learning and applying it to my life, and I seem to be at peace in my relationships.  Then there are the other times when I seem to be buffeted by the winds of resistance...in my quiet time with Him, in my relationships, in my work, and ministry efforts.  But what I did notice coming home is that my muscles had to work harder because of the resistance!  I got a much better workout and burned more calories because of it.  So it is with my spiritual muscles.  Those times of trial and resistance are actually opportunities to work my spiritual muscles of recalling God's word, applying it to the situation, deepening my trust that what He says He will do...He will. I found myself listening more intently when the wind was in my face, just as I seem to listen for His leading during those times of spiritual resistance. I simply must lean in and go through.  Not easy, but I will tell you from personal experience, it's been worth it every time!  Much like my effort to finish yesterday's walk... I had more energy and a sense of really pleasing the Lord with my effort!

The second take away is perspective.  I could always want to have that wind at my back, yet it's in those tough moments of resisting and winning that He gets the most glory. Thank you for the wind, Father!