I am angry. I wish I could say it's a total righteous anger. I am just completely fed up with excuses and am losing my compassion. What's got me fired up? It's the 'dumbing down' of the reality of sin in this world and the total indignation that there would be consequences because of it.
Excuse after excuse is being made for doing wrong. I get that...that's been going on for a long time in this world. What is making me angry is the absolute indignation some believers have when their poor choices come back to bite. Really??? Should I REALLY be surprised when I knowingly break the law and I get a ticket, or arrested, or punished? Should I REALLY be surprised when I develop various diseases because of my poor eating/exercise habits? Should I REALLY be surprised that I lost a relationship because I cheated on him? Should I REALLY be surprised that I lost her trust because I lied or spread gossip about her? Should I REALLY be surprised that my consequences have a ripple affect and are hurting those around me? Really?
While I was getting my feathers ruffled at the excuse makers, the Lord, in His perfect way, allowed me to see the devastating effects of the consequences. Because He is working in my life, He breaks my heart when I realize just how alone, afraid, broken and hurting those people really are...and that He is using those consequences to draw them out of the sin, into repentance, and into reconciled relationship with Him. Their indignation is merely a prideful front for the underlying brokenness that they are yet unwilling to admit. No, the Lord does NOT take sin lightly. All it takes is reading His Book to understand that fact. That being said, only a perfect, sinless, Holy God could feel the compassion for those who shake their fists up at Him in defiance, stubbornly trying to do it their own way, and offer complete, soul healing forgiveness. And immediately, I am humbled to the depths of my soul and my heart screams out prayers of intercession for them to see that love and healing that is just an act of repentance away. Only my perfect Jesus could change my angry heart into one of mourning.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Cookie Cutter Christians
1)to be a disciple of one
a) to follow his precepts and instructions
2) to make a disciple
a) to teach, instruct
One of the things I love about my church is its commitment to creating disciples. Simply put, it is one believer investing in the life of another to teach them what God's word says and how to develop a personal walk with Jesus. It's what Jesus did with the 12 men he invested in while he walked this earth.
A couple of weeks ago, the young woman I invest in got her hair cut in a style that was similar to mine a few years back. We both walked into church together and two of the guys stopped, looked at us and said,"The two Carlas!" We laughed, but it got me to thinking on a deeper level about how I am discipling Andrea.
My whole desire is NOT to reproduce Carla, but rather to grow Jesus in Andrea. While I pray that some of the good traits that Jesus has developed in me will become part of Andrea's character, I am aware that they will play themselves out in the uniqueness in which He created her. All one has to do is study the years of Jesus' ministry to see that each of the men he surrounded Himself with were varying personalities. The four who wrote the gospels were uniquely used of God to tell His story from their perspective. Peter was a larger than life presence, always with a word to say. Thomas asked the question, refusing to allow his doubts to go unanswered regardless of how he may have appeared to the others. Jesus had a way of relating to each one on an individual level, reproducing Himself while allowing them to be themselves. All different, but in Acts they became known collectively as 'Christians', or little Christs.
Nothing is sadder to me than to see cookie cutter 'programs' trying to produce something the Lord NEVER intended a person to be. One cannot learn to be like Christ through "programming", but rather through walking through life together. I am thankful that we are charged to be biblical in our approach to dship. My prayer has consistently been that I am always teaching Andrea the truths of Scripture then encouraging her to live it out as He desires for her. That woman will reach people for Christ that would never give me one moment of attention and I want to do all I can to see that she gets all she needs to accomplish His will for her life.
a) to follow his precepts and instructions
2) to make a disciple
a) to teach, instruct
One of the things I love about my church is its commitment to creating disciples. Simply put, it is one believer investing in the life of another to teach them what God's word says and how to develop a personal walk with Jesus. It's what Jesus did with the 12 men he invested in while he walked this earth.
A couple of weeks ago, the young woman I invest in got her hair cut in a style that was similar to mine a few years back. We both walked into church together and two of the guys stopped, looked at us and said,"The two Carlas!" We laughed, but it got me to thinking on a deeper level about how I am discipling Andrea.
My whole desire is NOT to reproduce Carla, but rather to grow Jesus in Andrea. While I pray that some of the good traits that Jesus has developed in me will become part of Andrea's character, I am aware that they will play themselves out in the uniqueness in which He created her. All one has to do is study the years of Jesus' ministry to see that each of the men he surrounded Himself with were varying personalities. The four who wrote the gospels were uniquely used of God to tell His story from their perspective. Peter was a larger than life presence, always with a word to say. Thomas asked the question, refusing to allow his doubts to go unanswered regardless of how he may have appeared to the others. Jesus had a way of relating to each one on an individual level, reproducing Himself while allowing them to be themselves. All different, but in Acts they became known collectively as 'Christians', or little Christs.
Nothing is sadder to me than to see cookie cutter 'programs' trying to produce something the Lord NEVER intended a person to be. One cannot learn to be like Christ through "programming", but rather through walking through life together. I am thankful that we are charged to be biblical in our approach to dship. My prayer has consistently been that I am always teaching Andrea the truths of Scripture then encouraging her to live it out as He desires for her. That woman will reach people for Christ that would never give me one moment of attention and I want to do all I can to see that she gets all she needs to accomplish His will for her life.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
A WOO HOO kind of week!
So neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. I Corinthians 3:7
The past 8 days have been something of a marathon. It started last Saturday when the Lord allowed me the opportunity to speak to a group of women at a retreat, then progressed throughout the week of sharing faith or growth moments with others in a variety of venues, and culminated in getting to personally witness a woman take a step of faith and trust Christ as her personal Savior. I can honestly say that not many weeks are like this one, and as I sit here on Sunday night I wonder why? Why shouldn't every week feel like this one? My conclusion: perspective.
I have been reading the wonderful book by Anne Graham Lotz entitled The Magnificent Obsession. This is a recounting of the life of Abraham and there are so many morsels that I have had to put it down, digest them for a few days, and then pick it back up and work through the next bits. A couple of weeks ago, I read a paragraph that really refocused my perspective. In this particular part of the story, Abraham had charged his servant with the ultimate task: finding a wife for Issac so that Abraham could pass everything on to his beloved son. The question from the servant was what would happen should the woman refuse to accept his offer, and Abraham told him that he would be released from the oath. Lotz tells a truth that I had long known, but had allowed myself to forget. She states,"Likewise, God has never commanded you and me to be successful in actually leading someone to faith in Christ. He only commands us to be faithful to represent Him to the best of our ability."
That truth spelled out in the verse for today allows me to keep my wits about me when I am preparing a message, sharing a growth lesson with another, or personally sharing Jesus with someone who doesn't know Him. God has a responsibility for me and one that is His alone. My words may plant a seed, or they may water a seed already planted, or I may get to be present when that new life bursts forth, but that new life is always, always, always between Him and that individual. That fact alone takes a tremendous amount of pressure off of my desire to control every aspect. Sometimes my words may be the first someone has heard of Jesus, sometimes they may be the 100th, yet no visible fruit. Sometimes my prayers may be helping the foundation of understanding strengthen, sometimes they may be that breakthrough that paves the way to usher the new life in. But never is it all about me. I think that perspective is going to increase my realization that every day can be a Woo Hoo kind of day!
Father, thank you for not needing me, but wanting me involved in your work.
The past 8 days have been something of a marathon. It started last Saturday when the Lord allowed me the opportunity to speak to a group of women at a retreat, then progressed throughout the week of sharing faith or growth moments with others in a variety of venues, and culminated in getting to personally witness a woman take a step of faith and trust Christ as her personal Savior. I can honestly say that not many weeks are like this one, and as I sit here on Sunday night I wonder why? Why shouldn't every week feel like this one? My conclusion: perspective.
I have been reading the wonderful book by Anne Graham Lotz entitled The Magnificent Obsession. This is a recounting of the life of Abraham and there are so many morsels that I have had to put it down, digest them for a few days, and then pick it back up and work through the next bits. A couple of weeks ago, I read a paragraph that really refocused my perspective. In this particular part of the story, Abraham had charged his servant with the ultimate task: finding a wife for Issac so that Abraham could pass everything on to his beloved son. The question from the servant was what would happen should the woman refuse to accept his offer, and Abraham told him that he would be released from the oath. Lotz tells a truth that I had long known, but had allowed myself to forget. She states,"Likewise, God has never commanded you and me to be successful in actually leading someone to faith in Christ. He only commands us to be faithful to represent Him to the best of our ability."
That truth spelled out in the verse for today allows me to keep my wits about me when I am preparing a message, sharing a growth lesson with another, or personally sharing Jesus with someone who doesn't know Him. God has a responsibility for me and one that is His alone. My words may plant a seed, or they may water a seed already planted, or I may get to be present when that new life bursts forth, but that new life is always, always, always between Him and that individual. That fact alone takes a tremendous amount of pressure off of my desire to control every aspect. Sometimes my words may be the first someone has heard of Jesus, sometimes they may be the 100th, yet no visible fruit. Sometimes my prayers may be helping the foundation of understanding strengthen, sometimes they may be that breakthrough that paves the way to usher the new life in. But never is it all about me. I think that perspective is going to increase my realization that every day can be a Woo Hoo kind of day!
Father, thank you for not needing me, but wanting me involved in your work.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Smile
I woke up smiling. As the crisp new morning was just beginning to dawn, I found my heart happy as I lay all bundled under the quilts. Here are some of the reasons why:
Pleasure
The women in this picture represent some of the most entertaining, hilarious, yet godly women I've ever met. Last night we were in attendance at a shower for another friend (who isn't in the pic because she was serving the Lord in Belize at the time!), and it just seems that wherever we congregate, the laughter ensues. Funny thing, right in the middle of laughing, the conversation can turn on a dime and we are passionately sharing what the Lord is doing in our midst, and then go back to laughing! We laugh at the most mundane things, we laugh at each other, we just simply love to laugh. I seriously do not know what I would do without them.
Purpose
The three young women in this photo bless me beyond all measure. The Lord has brought them into my life for this season of needing to nurture and grow another person in the Lord. Yes, the Lord has blessed me in the past with others to influence and I am so thankful for them, yet these three have a piece of my heart to varying degrees. Just when I was beating myself up for feeling like I have totally failed them, God chooses to move in their lives, they allow Him to do so and the result is nothing less than pure glory! Last night I got to be on the receiving end of a huge blessing when I listened to one cross over from being a teen to being a woman, making a decision to truly and without reservation, follow the Lord with her life. Years of prayer, times of protection, words of caution, periods of keeping my mouth shut,and loving her deeply regardless of circumstances, were all worth that one spectacular moment in time. You see, I own a piece of that result! Oh, I still fail at this whole thing to varying degrees, but He does have a purpose for me and I love it.
Passion
Ultimately, I smile because Jesus is my passion. I want others to know Him. I want them to meet the Savior, the Comforter, the Forgiver, the Healer, the Best Friend they will ever know! I want them to be in eternity with us. Because I am here, today is a day I get to share Him with another person and I can think of no other reason to smile.
Proverbs 15:13 - A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance...
Pleasure
The women in this picture represent some of the most entertaining, hilarious, yet godly women I've ever met. Last night we were in attendance at a shower for another friend (who isn't in the pic because she was serving the Lord in Belize at the time!), and it just seems that wherever we congregate, the laughter ensues. Funny thing, right in the middle of laughing, the conversation can turn on a dime and we are passionately sharing what the Lord is doing in our midst, and then go back to laughing! We laugh at the most mundane things, we laugh at each other, we just simply love to laugh. I seriously do not know what I would do without them.
Purpose
The three young women in this photo bless me beyond all measure. The Lord has brought them into my life for this season of needing to nurture and grow another person in the Lord. Yes, the Lord has blessed me in the past with others to influence and I am so thankful for them, yet these three have a piece of my heart to varying degrees. Just when I was beating myself up for feeling like I have totally failed them, God chooses to move in their lives, they allow Him to do so and the result is nothing less than pure glory! Last night I got to be on the receiving end of a huge blessing when I listened to one cross over from being a teen to being a woman, making a decision to truly and without reservation, follow the Lord with her life. Years of prayer, times of protection, words of caution, periods of keeping my mouth shut,and loving her deeply regardless of circumstances, were all worth that one spectacular moment in time. You see, I own a piece of that result! Oh, I still fail at this whole thing to varying degrees, but He does have a purpose for me and I love it.
Passion
Ultimately, I smile because Jesus is my passion. I want others to know Him. I want them to meet the Savior, the Comforter, the Forgiver, the Healer, the Best Friend they will ever know! I want them to be in eternity with us. Because I am here, today is a day I get to share Him with another person and I can think of no other reason to smile.
Proverbs 15:13 - A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance...
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Flowers of Friendship
YES! YES! YES! Spring is finally starting to eek her way out of the winter slumber and grace us with her periodic warm breezes and sunny days. Today I was able to come home and head straight for the flower bed that adorns the front of my house. I found it an utter mess, but was determined to clear it of it's clutter so that the tender green shoots could breathe the fresh air. As I was working the earth, I started to think about the various kinds of flowers that would array that garden throughout the summer, and my mind wandered into thinking how those flowers remind me of my friendships.
The first plant to be uncovered was my beloved poppy clump. Now, I love the fiery, orange blooms that burst on the scene in late spring. They are airy, carefree, and short-lived. While I enjoy these flowers, they are the most high maintenance plant in the bed! I have to be very gentle when clearing the area around them, being very, very careful not to damage their shallow roots. Due to their many needs and my short attention span, there is only one plant in the entire bed. Same with "poppy friendships". They often can be beautiful for a short time, but lose their luster and my interest quickly. I am way too hard on them and often find myself tromping on the shallow roots.
The next flowers I unearth are what I call the 'butterfly bunch' - purple cone flowers, Shasta daisies and black eyed susans. This grouping of flowers are a hearty bunch. They have strong stalks, rough leaves, and plain flowers. They look great for about two days, then start to look a bit ragged. However, on closer inspection, these lovely girls are probably the most purposeful in the garden. They are the feeders. All summer long, they languish so that the delicate butterflies and buzzy bees that swarm my yard can get nourishment, then when the crisp fall and winter winds blow in, the birds can find the sustenance they need from the seed heads that sit atop those sturdy stalks. These remind me of the lion's share of my friendships. They are strong,nothing really showy about them, but they provide me with a sustenance that I require. They bring a purpose to my life, whether great or small...but a purpose that I cannot live without.
Finally, are my absolute favorites: lilies. I am a HUGE fan of the low maintenance beauties, whether it be hosta, day, Asiatic, oriental, or tiger varieties, you will find these in abundance in my yard. They bloom where they are planted, and reproduce themselves with great gusto. They have the most gorgeous flowers and you will find them stretching up to the sun in worship. They require little maintenance and survive the most extremes of circumstances, including rough handling by the gardener. These are my inner circle. They are the women (and men!) who love Jesus with everything in them and every aspect of their lives show it. Regardless of what life throws them, they anchor down deep roots in Him and His word and the result is the most fragrant, gorgeous life you've ever witnessed! These are the friends that I can make mistakes with and they still shower me with kindness. I can be a bit rough, and their roots are so deep in Christ that they are forgiving. And they lift their lives up to the Son in worship in a way that causes me to do the same. Spectacular!
My prayer is that I am very rarely a poppy, more often a nourisher, and most definitely a lily in the flowerbeds of friendship! Hugs ~
The first plant to be uncovered was my beloved poppy clump. Now, I love the fiery, orange blooms that burst on the scene in late spring. They are airy, carefree, and short-lived. While I enjoy these flowers, they are the most high maintenance plant in the bed! I have to be very gentle when clearing the area around them, being very, very careful not to damage their shallow roots. Due to their many needs and my short attention span, there is only one plant in the entire bed. Same with "poppy friendships". They often can be beautiful for a short time, but lose their luster and my interest quickly. I am way too hard on them and often find myself tromping on the shallow roots.
The next flowers I unearth are what I call the 'butterfly bunch' - purple cone flowers, Shasta daisies and black eyed susans. This grouping of flowers are a hearty bunch. They have strong stalks, rough leaves, and plain flowers. They look great for about two days, then start to look a bit ragged. However, on closer inspection, these lovely girls are probably the most purposeful in the garden. They are the feeders. All summer long, they languish so that the delicate butterflies and buzzy bees that swarm my yard can get nourishment, then when the crisp fall and winter winds blow in, the birds can find the sustenance they need from the seed heads that sit atop those sturdy stalks. These remind me of the lion's share of my friendships. They are strong,nothing really showy about them, but they provide me with a sustenance that I require. They bring a purpose to my life, whether great or small...but a purpose that I cannot live without.
Finally, are my absolute favorites: lilies. I am a HUGE fan of the low maintenance beauties, whether it be hosta, day, Asiatic, oriental, or tiger varieties, you will find these in abundance in my yard. They bloom where they are planted, and reproduce themselves with great gusto. They have the most gorgeous flowers and you will find them stretching up to the sun in worship. They require little maintenance and survive the most extremes of circumstances, including rough handling by the gardener. These are my inner circle. They are the women (and men!) who love Jesus with everything in them and every aspect of their lives show it. Regardless of what life throws them, they anchor down deep roots in Him and His word and the result is the most fragrant, gorgeous life you've ever witnessed! These are the friends that I can make mistakes with and they still shower me with kindness. I can be a bit rough, and their roots are so deep in Christ that they are forgiving. And they lift their lives up to the Son in worship in a way that causes me to do the same. Spectacular!
My prayer is that I am very rarely a poppy, more often a nourisher, and most definitely a lily in the flowerbeds of friendship! Hugs ~
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
What does Jesus look like?
This past weekend I got to fulfill a long time dream and teach the word of God to a group of women who were seeking to live life like Christ. The Lord was beyond gracious with me and gave me some great points of truth to share. The women were a mixed bag of ages, spiritual levels, and I am certain some were saved and some may not have been.
At the end of one of my sessions, I was approached by a woman who knew me from my previous place of employ. She told me that she didn't know I "had this in me" and I told her that while I do try to live my faith out loud, I am sure there are times that I don't always do it well. Now, while I don't take every comment from acquaintences to heart, I do try to listen for anything that the Lord might be telling me. I didn't take her comment as a critical need to change,however, it did get me to thinking about how people view Jesus, both as their Lord and through the lives of others...let me explain.
There have been many times over my walk with the Lord that I have viewed Jesus in a variety of ways. When I was first saved, I was so excited about everything to do with Him and my love for Him was all consuming. He was the be all for my life and I couldn't ever imagine not seeing Him as the perfect answer to everything. As the hot flame of the first love of knowing Jesus cooled and the truth of his Word was butting heads with my carnality, I began to see Jesus as a fun hater, wanting to keep me from really enjoying life as I wanted.
Then there was the period that I believe a lot of believers get to and stay stuck, sometimes until they go home with the Lord. Either one of two views prevail. The first is seeing Jesus as our genie on the shelf. We want to live our lives as we see fit, only bothering to pull Jesus off the shelf when life's circumstances overwhelm us and we finally realize our need for Him. Often we want just enough of Jesus to get us through the trouble we are currently experiencing, only to place him back up on the shelf when we are in easier times. The second is what I call the "fire proof" life...we want just enough Jesus to secure our eternity. Either position refuses to allow the Lord to infuse every aspect of our lives because deep down we want the control. My, did I live life there way too long.
The last view of Jesus is the correct view and one I hope to continue to grow in. That's the biblical view. When I study the life of Christ, I find Someone very different than what the world believes He looks like. I do not find a man who would just overlook the sins of others, but would confront those with their sin with the desire to reconcile them to the Father. I find a Man of immense compassion on a woman who was caught in sin by the hypocrits of the day, showing her grace in her repentance. I find a Man whose righteous anger cleared the moneychangers out of the house of God. I find a Man who expected those He'd invested in to live changed lives, yet love them throught the growth period. You see, I see Jesus as a Man who had the right response to the hearts of those around Him. While the world may expect me to be one of those views that they hold of Jesus, I want to pursue the biblical view. So, how do you see Him?
At the end of one of my sessions, I was approached by a woman who knew me from my previous place of employ. She told me that she didn't know I "had this in me" and I told her that while I do try to live my faith out loud, I am sure there are times that I don't always do it well. Now, while I don't take every comment from acquaintences to heart, I do try to listen for anything that the Lord might be telling me. I didn't take her comment as a critical need to change,however, it did get me to thinking about how people view Jesus, both as their Lord and through the lives of others...let me explain.
There have been many times over my walk with the Lord that I have viewed Jesus in a variety of ways. When I was first saved, I was so excited about everything to do with Him and my love for Him was all consuming. He was the be all for my life and I couldn't ever imagine not seeing Him as the perfect answer to everything. As the hot flame of the first love of knowing Jesus cooled and the truth of his Word was butting heads with my carnality, I began to see Jesus as a fun hater, wanting to keep me from really enjoying life as I wanted.
Then there was the period that I believe a lot of believers get to and stay stuck, sometimes until they go home with the Lord. Either one of two views prevail. The first is seeing Jesus as our genie on the shelf. We want to live our lives as we see fit, only bothering to pull Jesus off the shelf when life's circumstances overwhelm us and we finally realize our need for Him. Often we want just enough of Jesus to get us through the trouble we are currently experiencing, only to place him back up on the shelf when we are in easier times. The second is what I call the "fire proof" life...we want just enough Jesus to secure our eternity. Either position refuses to allow the Lord to infuse every aspect of our lives because deep down we want the control. My, did I live life there way too long.
The last view of Jesus is the correct view and one I hope to continue to grow in. That's the biblical view. When I study the life of Christ, I find Someone very different than what the world believes He looks like. I do not find a man who would just overlook the sins of others, but would confront those with their sin with the desire to reconcile them to the Father. I find a Man of immense compassion on a woman who was caught in sin by the hypocrits of the day, showing her grace in her repentance. I find a Man whose righteous anger cleared the moneychangers out of the house of God. I find a Man who expected those He'd invested in to live changed lives, yet love them throught the growth period. You see, I see Jesus as a Man who had the right response to the hearts of those around Him. While the world may expect me to be one of those views that they hold of Jesus, I want to pursue the biblical view. So, how do you see Him?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
To Everything There is a Season
It's been a quiet season for me. The words that normally tumbled out without much effort, have been rolling around in my heart to be pondered, edited, redacted, and then allowed to just remain there until a time He saw fit to release them. Here's a synopsis of what's happened between my last post and now...
Ecclesiastes 3
A time to be born, and a time to die;
To pull an example from farming, a seed must die before new life can be seen. So it was in my life, a ministry had to die before a new one could be conceptualized. Last summer saw the abrupt end to my involvement in a ministry in which I was truly struggling, but would have never voluntarily left because it was what I'd always loved to do. But in that death, the Lord has birthed a new passion for ministering to the hearts of women. I have no idea where He is taking us on this adventure, but I am in the passenger seat, I've got my sunglasses on and am ready to go!
Lesson learned: He WANTS me to be a part of His work, but He certainly doesn't need me. Know what? I'd rather be wanted than needed any day!!
3aA time to kill, and a time to heal;
I know the time to kill sin is at the start. I've experienced a longer-than-I-want-to-admit period of unforgiveness for a fellow believer. My attitude was completely wrong, yet I delighted in holding on to my "right" to indignation and hurt. Shame. on. me. Yet again, Jesus is so gracious, loving and FIRM with me. A broken and contrite heart on the matter has replaced the haughty, ugly one that was beating inside my chest, and healing has taken over. Now to work on the fractured relationship....
Lesson learned: Forgiveness is readily available to the repentant, but the longer we wait, the more scar tissue remains to be dealt with.
7b a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
This has been a huge blessing that has been a long time in coming. God, in his graciousness, has been working on my desire to constantly offer my opinion on EVERYTHING. With His wisdom, I am finding that less is more on the sharing front! And as is the enemy's MO, there have been some very, very difficult situations that I've experienced over the past 18 months that I have been tempted to start in, and the Lord has either used His word, His people, or His circumstances to keep that from happening, and I am seeing the fruit. He is supplying opportunities for HIS words to be spoken, not out of my flesh, but through His love. I firmly believe that because of the hard choices of that discipline, He is now preparing me to speak to women. He was just waiting for me to follow Him and He needed to know that I will do my best to say His words.
Lesson still learning: Always, always, always talk to Him first.
8b a time of war, and a time of peace.
This is probably the scariest challenge/change of all. I have been fighting being overweight for a majority of my life. I have dieted endlessly and can tell you the "ins" and "outs" of most major diet plans. I have lost and gained more weight than I can even count. In October, things started to come to a head and I knew that there was NO WAY I was going to do all that He has for me to do if I didn't do something. I also knew that this was much more than a fundamental food issue. It was spiritual. I had the how to, but needed the want to. So I started a quest to figure out how to come to terms with it. I sought counseling from a professional which didn't produce the results I'd hoped. Then three weeks ago I began the study by Lysa TerKurst called "Made to Crave". Honestly, I didn't want to. But when the Holy Spirit dogs me like He did, I couldn't say no. Within an hour of reading the blog on it, I had ordered the book,workbook and DVD for the study. I tried reading it on vacation, to no avail. I got back and had convinced 6 others to do the study with me. This is where the war began. Week one was horrible...I was BLANTANTLY and WILLFULLY rebellious. I knew I was on to something if I was going to be battling like this from the start. Week two got a bit better. Then week three. The word of the week has been peace. I knew that with that being the word, the enemy of my soul was gonna be on me like white on rice. Oh, but my God had different plans...plans for me to rest in him each day, plans for me to see Him supernaturally be strength in my weakness, plans for Him to bless my obedience. Where this is going to go, I have no idea. But I do know that in a few short weeks, I am seeing my God in a whole new way. I am seeing my walk with Him take turns that never would have occurred without discipline and obedience. As with any war, there are battles that I am afraid of entering. I am afraid of failing, YET again. I am afraid of outing myself via this blog and having the scrutiny of those around me. Most of all, I am afraid of making a mockery of the power of Christ, who tells me I can do all things through Him. Yet, in spite of those fears, I am claiming my first memory verse of Philippians 4:6-7 and allowing that peace that passes all understanding to guard my heart and mind.
Lesson learned: pending....
Ecclesiastes 3
A time to be born, and a time to die;
To pull an example from farming, a seed must die before new life can be seen. So it was in my life, a ministry had to die before a new one could be conceptualized. Last summer saw the abrupt end to my involvement in a ministry in which I was truly struggling, but would have never voluntarily left because it was what I'd always loved to do. But in that death, the Lord has birthed a new passion for ministering to the hearts of women. I have no idea where He is taking us on this adventure, but I am in the passenger seat, I've got my sunglasses on and am ready to go!
Lesson learned: He WANTS me to be a part of His work, but He certainly doesn't need me. Know what? I'd rather be wanted than needed any day!!
3aA time to kill, and a time to heal;
I know the time to kill sin is at the start. I've experienced a longer-than-I-want-to-admit period of unforgiveness for a fellow believer. My attitude was completely wrong, yet I delighted in holding on to my "right" to indignation and hurt. Shame. on. me. Yet again, Jesus is so gracious, loving and FIRM with me. A broken and contrite heart on the matter has replaced the haughty, ugly one that was beating inside my chest, and healing has taken over. Now to work on the fractured relationship....
Lesson learned: Forgiveness is readily available to the repentant, but the longer we wait, the more scar tissue remains to be dealt with.
7b a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
This has been a huge blessing that has been a long time in coming. God, in his graciousness, has been working on my desire to constantly offer my opinion on EVERYTHING. With His wisdom, I am finding that less is more on the sharing front! And as is the enemy's MO, there have been some very, very difficult situations that I've experienced over the past 18 months that I have been tempted to start in, and the Lord has either used His word, His people, or His circumstances to keep that from happening, and I am seeing the fruit. He is supplying opportunities for HIS words to be spoken, not out of my flesh, but through His love. I firmly believe that because of the hard choices of that discipline, He is now preparing me to speak to women. He was just waiting for me to follow Him and He needed to know that I will do my best to say His words.
Lesson still learning: Always, always, always talk to Him first.
8b a time of war, and a time of peace.
This is probably the scariest challenge/change of all. I have been fighting being overweight for a majority of my life. I have dieted endlessly and can tell you the "ins" and "outs" of most major diet plans. I have lost and gained more weight than I can even count. In October, things started to come to a head and I knew that there was NO WAY I was going to do all that He has for me to do if I didn't do something. I also knew that this was much more than a fundamental food issue. It was spiritual. I had the how to, but needed the want to. So I started a quest to figure out how to come to terms with it. I sought counseling from a professional which didn't produce the results I'd hoped. Then three weeks ago I began the study by Lysa TerKurst called "Made to Crave". Honestly, I didn't want to. But when the Holy Spirit dogs me like He did, I couldn't say no. Within an hour of reading the blog on it, I had ordered the book,workbook and DVD for the study. I tried reading it on vacation, to no avail. I got back and had convinced 6 others to do the study with me. This is where the war began. Week one was horrible...I was BLANTANTLY and WILLFULLY rebellious. I knew I was on to something if I was going to be battling like this from the start. Week two got a bit better. Then week three. The word of the week has been peace. I knew that with that being the word, the enemy of my soul was gonna be on me like white on rice. Oh, but my God had different plans...plans for me to rest in him each day, plans for me to see Him supernaturally be strength in my weakness, plans for Him to bless my obedience. Where this is going to go, I have no idea. But I do know that in a few short weeks, I am seeing my God in a whole new way. I am seeing my walk with Him take turns that never would have occurred without discipline and obedience. As with any war, there are battles that I am afraid of entering. I am afraid of failing, YET again. I am afraid of outing myself via this blog and having the scrutiny of those around me. Most of all, I am afraid of making a mockery of the power of Christ, who tells me I can do all things through Him. Yet, in spite of those fears, I am claiming my first memory verse of Philippians 4:6-7 and allowing that peace that passes all understanding to guard my heart and mind.
Lesson learned: pending....
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