What's in a name?

Proverbs 22:1 ~ A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches and loving favor rather than silver and gold.

I finished reading a book that was more of a reminder than something new, but it was good nonetheless.  It was a book on character by Andy Stanley called Louder Than Words .  I honestly believe it was something that the Lord was directing me to read, because I have had innumerable opportunities to witness fallout on this very subject over the past 4 weeks.  From professional situations to deeply personal wounds, so many of us battle the protection of our character on a daily basis. It has become so much in the forefront of my mind that I decided to do a bit of biblical digging on the issue myself.

Interestingly, I do not find the word "character" in the Bible, but another word that is much easier to grasp ~ 'name'. Many times it is found giving an identity to someone, such as which family they belong to or the tribe with which they are a part.  Sometimes, a name gave authority.  In Deuteronomy 18:20, the name of the Lord was given to prophets to speak His words, and when someone falsely claimed to declare something in His name, they died. It is also something so special that the Lord will give those who remain faithful until the end a uniquely special one (Rev 2:17). It is found 958 times in the KJV, and of that, 864 times it refers to name, reputation, fame, glory. That is how it is defined in the Proverbs verse quoted above and this is the one in which I am most interested.

While the definition includes the word 'reputation', I believe it is really something much bigger than that.  You see, in our culture, a reputation can take a hit on a constant basis.  The Internet alone makes it easy to spread rumor or lies in such a short amount of time and we often fail to discern the falsity and decide to believe it.  We cannot control what someone says about us.  However, we can control what sticks to us.  That's where character counts...

It's in those moments of decision that seem so insignificant that can be the slippery slope to decimating your character and we all deal with them.  Maybe for some, it's the way you dress.  Shirt too low cut, skirt too short, jeans too tight.  Pretty soon a pattern develops.  Next thing you know, the tag "trashy", "easy", or others more graphic terms seem to be flowing out of others lips in describing who you are, not how you dress.  Maybe for others it's the "harmless" white lie...adding minutes to your time card or skipping out early, 'borrowing' items from work,  hiding the credit card bill so the spouse doesn't see the recent charges.  Within a few times of telling the "harmless" untruth, the pattern  is developed and you are given the name of liar where everything you do or say is questioned by someone.  Maybe yet for others it's the relationships you've developed.  You are "just friends" with a member of the opposite sex.  What starts out as time hanging out together leads to longer periods of spending time alone with each other.  While you may not be doing anything inappropriate, the longer this progresses, the more your character will be questioned.  Chances are probably pretty high that one of two things will happen in this circumstance:  either something inappropriate will happen or someone will get hurt and/or be angry.  Or maybe it's the decision to make an excuse for failing to be a good friend/spouse/sibling/parent/child etc.  Maybe you get so busy in your world that you fail to check into the world of another that you once cared about.  Do you try to right the wrong prior to it falling apart or do you wait for the other person to make the move?  When confronted, do you make an excuse or do you admit your failing? Do you make the one small step in the right direction? Maybe it's none of the above, but it's being a gossip or are you constantly causing strife among others?

Convicting stuff for certain.  I know as I type on this difficult topic, the Lord is convicting me of areas that I have allowed to slip by when I must be obedient to Him and need to be making the tough choice on the most basic of details.  We do need to sweat the small stuff, because therein lies the pattern of the big things. In all of these examples, it begins with one small, seemingly insignificant decision. A decision that you and I control.

Musings....

Just some randomness from the past few weeks.  While I seem to be on a yank about aging, guess these little pieces of observation felt the need to bubble up and out...hopefully the last of them for awhile as I sense Jesus moving me deeper!

Fashion... I went shopping and I realized just how much wiser I have become.  For instance, while shoe shopping in Marshall's, I definitely knew that the obnoxiously tall high heels (Hooker Highs as I like to refer to them) were not going to work for me for a variety of reasons that I shall leave to your imaginations, even though that's the "in style". It is not an attractive thing to hobble around in shoes, and if you can't flow gracefully in the shoes you are trying on (regardless of your age), you have no business buying them.  Trust me, I've witnessed a few teen/20 somethings clomping around sounding like a team of draft horses on a cobblestone street while looking like they are walking a trapeze in the local circus. Bless their hearts, someone clue them in please... Save them for the hookers.... and on a side note, a Glamour "Don't" outfit was spotted by one of my other compatriots...hooker highs and sweatpants....really?  All this said... I know I will never be a 'fashionista' and I really don't care.

Embarrassment.... yeah, it just doesn't happen as often as it used to.  Let's face it, I've done some pretty stupid stuff back in the day ( as in yesterday....), so there isn't much left that would make me blush.  Another thing... I don't get as embarrassed by the things that others traveling with me on this road of life do either.  I figure they are responsible for their own and if they look like an idiot, that's on them.  And on that note...if you purposely embarrass me, I will out you to God and all of his creatures for the idiot you are...just sayin'. :D

Speaking my mind.... we laugh at my Mom because she says when she turned 50, she quit caring what people thought and decided to speak her mind!  Now, that can be dangerous if one doesn't run that through the filter of scripture (quick to hear, slow to speak), but there is some validity to that thinking.  I am finding that I am not as afraid of telling the truth, even if the words are hard to say, without putting a sugary spin on it.  I do not ever want to hurt someone just because I can say something, but rather if the hard words must come, I pray that I won't shy away from them.  I wisely believe that if I filter them through the process of His Way (in love), in His Truth (the Word of God) then the recipient will become part of His Life (salvation/repentance into reconciliation with Him).

Forgiveness.... I've decided that this is my life word. Nothing is sweeter to me on this planet than the act of forgiveness.  I have needed it so many times that I couldn't begin to count.  I've learned to give it better as the years have progressed - especially towards myself. Still working on the humbling part, but know that will continue to come.

Eternity ... Maybe because it gets closer with each day or maybe because each day seems to move a bit faster than the previous ones, but I tend to look at each activity, meeting, social event, even small moments in the light of eternity.  I heard a message this weekend that reminded me that all I do or say, and the motives (OUCH) behind all I do or say will be tested by Christ for eternal rewards.  It rocked me out of the comfortable, complacent rut I've been dwelling in of late.  It all boils down to this for me...will _____________________ (you fill in the blank) reconcile, point, or bring glory to Christ?  If yes, go for it.  Will ________________________________ (again, fill in the blank) detract, repel or bring shame to the name of Christ?  If yes, then stop.  Is _________________________ (you know what to do here...) a neutral thing for the eternal kingdom of Christ?  If yes, well then I have to decide if there is something better to do with my time, and if not, go for it.

And so the work continues....

A conversation with my younger self....

As the calendar rolls into a new month, it will mark the 24 month countdown to my 50th.  Several things have been happening in the last week of vacation that have pushed me to look at the past a bit.  I've been dealing with several younger people and circumstances in their lives, I've read two books that forced me to look back in order to see where I am headed in the future, and I've taken a vacation that has allowed me the luxury of actually taking the time to think instead of running non-stop.  So, I thought an imaginary conversation with the 20 something Carla by the 40 something version could be kind of fun ~ and maybe give food for thought.  So here is what I'd share....

1.  The world is not your friend.  Oh, it may seem like choosing what the latest trends suggest, or the "enlightened" mantra of a learned scholar, or even your unsaved friends is the best, however, anything contrary to the Word of God is simply garbage.  If you will get this simple truth entrenched in your heart, it will save you from being deeply hurt.  You see, the world will do all it can to convince you that what you think, feel, or know is wise and that you know what is best for your life.  Simply put, that's a lie.  You know Jesus as your Savior and if you will simply lay down your pride and arrogance and submit to Him, you will avoid so much pain.  Yes, there will be people who think this "faith thing" is a crutch, or weird, or old fashion...but deep down we both know it's the only way to live life.

2.  Character counts.  Trust me when I say that this will be huge for you in the future...and I can tell it already is now.  You value having a good name, and you already choose most of your friends for the character they possess.  Dig in deeper on this issue.  Do not be afraid to end relationships with people who do not possess character traits that are non-negotiables for you...and live by those traits yourself.  There will be a multitude of opportunities to compromise and you will find the world (see #1!) will entice you to make excuses (or as it likes to say "reasons") for doing so.  You will be miserable with yourself if you fall for this and will spend years regretting the compromise..trust me.

3.  Your parents are not stupid nor old fashioned...at least seriously consider their counsel!  This is especially true of your mother!  For reasons I don't understand, you love to think you know everything and that your 1950's Mom cannot possibly understand how you feel.  Yes, there are some things that she doesn't relate well to because of the time she grew up, but she does know a whole lot more than you can comprehend. Do you seriously believe that yours is the first generation to deal with sinful temptations? Yes, the specifics may be different, but the foundation is the same.  Selfishness, pride, and the pleasure that sin can bring for a season did not originate with you and your peers...and if you just read your Bible a bit more, you'd see that.  So, listen to your Dad and Mom... they just love you and Jesus and want the best for you.

4.  Struggling to make it on your own is worth it in the end.  I know sometimes it will be tough being a poor college student/young adult.  You will have to do without many of the things that your working peers will have and it will honestly make you wonder if it is worth it...and yes, it is.

5.  And on the same note - be VERY careful with a credit card! First, find a good financial manager who can mentor you in how to spend and save (your Dad comes to mind on this one!).  Second, delay gratification.  You live in an era that is very 'me' focused and for the first time in a generation, believes that we shouldn't wait for the homes, appliances, etc. that your parents paid cash for.  WAIT!  It will pay off in the long run!

6.  There is absolutely no need to be envious of the 'it' person from high school.  You will find out on your 35th class reunion that many of the 'it' people peaked in high school.  They found it impossible to transition from being someone in high school to being anything in adulthood.  How miserable it must be to know that you were at your best at 17 years old!  Life has a great way of leveling the playing field.  Watch those people who display good character qualities early on...they are the ones who do well in life.  Make those the 'it' people in your life.

7.  You will make a ton of mistakes...own up to them, confess them to the Lord, and move on.  Part of life is making mistakes.  Be diligent in keeping a short list for the Lord...confess what needs to be asked forgiveness and repent immediately.  Holding on to anything that needs to be dealt with not only wastes time, but renders you ineffective for the things of eternity until you are right with Jesus. If not, you will look back and wish you'd have been more attentive to that fact!

8.  Men.  Well, Sweet Pea, there isn't too much wisdom I can share from here as my track record hasn't been the best, but will give it a try...
                ~ Listen to your best friend when she tells you that the 'guy of the moment' whom has captured your attention is a jerk, deadbeat, idiot, or the antichrist...will save you much time and heartache!  She knows you sometimes better than you know yourself, and she probably sees him more clearly than you do.
                ~ Listen to your Momma when she tells you that the main thing you need to do is respect your man...she was quoting what God says and you can't go wrong there!
                ~ Wait.  Hold out for what you want.  Yes, being single can feel like a death sentence in a couple's world, but oh my, it beats being attached to the one you settled for!  So many broken hearts are proof of that.
                ~ If a lothario who already has a girlfriend comes waltzing into the Student Center and starts sweet talking you...pick up your backpack and RUN...antichrist alert...you don't want to waste your time!
                ~ And finally, even though you may already have plans to return to your hometown college and don't want to complicate your departure from your current college, SAY YES to the kind, manly, Jesus loving, totally gorgeous older guy who offers to take you to dinner after you both get off of work.  Your 40 something self will thank you for not making her wonder, "What if"..........

Victory - Day 758

Today it happened...I got to witness a victory in my life:  Seeing my value as who God is in my life and how He made me, not in what I do!!  Let me see if I can explain this succinctly ~

For as long as I can remember, I have always judged myself by what I do, whether it be for a career, for ministry, or for others.  Now I suspect that I am not alone in this pattern of thinking, but for me it was obsessive.  Being a consummate people pleaser, virtually every action/decision I've ever made has had the following tags attached to it: "What will people think? and/or "How will I look in doing this".  That isn't always a bad thing to consider others when making choices that would affect them, but the degree to which I did this was a bit psychotic.  I wish I could say that I always thought, "What would God think of this..." but no, people have pretty much been the recipient of my concern. How I hate this about me!

Recently, I was asked to lead a situation that had all the makings of the perfect "Carla can be the savior of the day" moments. The circumstances were lined up just so perfect to really be wonderful for me...able to temporarily 'fix' (one of my personal favorite past times) a problem, could feel like I am a bit of a hero, I was qualified for the issue at hand with previous experience, plus I could see potential financial gain.  Yeah, you are probably seeing that God isn't anywhere in this by now, 'eh?  However, I did something that I would have never done in the past when such a circumstance would have surfaced...I sought counsel.  Normally, I'd have jumped on it without thinking twice! I prayed about it and asked 3 people for counsel.  These three know me well and know the Lord.  They would bring insight into the situation, being able to drill down to the issues that needed addressing.  To the person, they all cautioned me against doing it. What???? Seriously??? I couldn't ask for a more perfect "Carla" opportunity!!  Here's the rub...it wasn't a perfect God opportunity.  For reasons I don't know, the Lord simply doesn't want me doing this.  Yep, the battle has been fierce as the enemy of my soul has pulled out all the tricks to lure me into taking it...especially the appeal to my pride.  But here's the victory...saying no to this seemingly good, albeit tough, opportunity hasn't left me wanting. I am no less because I said no...in fact, I am more.  I am more pleasing to my Savior because I choose Him and His plan.  That is more than enough for me!

This reminds me of a recent post that I read by Governor Mike Huckabee when He chose not to run for President.  All of the worldly signs pointed to 'Yes'.  Even his family was on board!  Yet, this steadfast believer in Jesus Christ sought the face of his Savior and He said 'no'.  So, Gov. H declined the opportunity. People were disappointed...mightily so, with harsh words.  I remember thinking then, and posting to his blog, that I so admired his conviction and faith, and hoped that if I were ever faced with a choice that looks perfect in the world's eyes, but is a no in God's, that I will choose the right thing.  Today is that day.

Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me.  Thank you for being so intimately entwined in my life and caring about every single aspect.  Thank you for the godly, wise people I can call on for counsel. Thank you...seems so inadequate, but is said with all I am.

II Corinthians 3:5 ~ Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God;

Lessons from the Berry Patch

I'm excited about this raspberry adventure I am currently experiencing. As I was out picking the daily batch of ripened beauties, I started collecting the lessons of life that can be gleaned from this patch of delectable fruit.  So here they are in no particular order:

1.  Beauty often comes from the poo of life:
            Maybe I should have forewarned you that I was going to use the word "poo", but hey, let's be glad I didn't use other words that are far more descriptive and offensive to get my point across!  This berry patch literally began because a few of my feathered friends ate berries, perched on the edge of my roof, did their business, and there you go! (No pun intended)  What started as a nasty thing, ended up being a thing of beauty and enjoyment.  It's like that in my life as well...sometimes nasty, ugly, disgusting events will roll down on my life without warning.  But the Lord will take that seemingly bad issue and grow it into something that is nothing like the original.  He is just so cool that way!

2.  Perspective:
            Every time I go out to pick, I start at one end and work through all of the canes trying to ensure I get every berry.  Once I get to the end, I work my way back down the patch, catching several purple ripe orbs that were hiding from my view on the first sweep.  Often a cluster of green leaves are blocking the object of my desire. Sometimes other unripe clusters are hiding the one ripe one. Sometimes I have to step back and look at the big picture and will often see one that I missed.  So is it in life.  There are times I will think I have the whole story, only to turn around and look at it again and discover some important detail that I missed.  Or there are other times that I need to step back, look at how an event will play out in the big picture, and I will capture a detail that needs dealt with to bring it to fruition.

3.  Timing is everything:
             Anyone who knows me would probably say that I can be an impatient person.  When I first discovered the berry gold mine and they started to ripen, I'd find myself a bit greedy and would pull off a not completely 'done' one.  Boy, are they SOUR!!!  I also found that they would bring the stem with a gazillion and one tiny thorns off with it.  All because I had not waited for the process that needed to take place to finish.  Wow, sounds like a lot of times in my life when I jumped before the Lord wanted me to, when He'd cautioned me through his Word and the counsel of others, but I didn't wait...man, do those thorns hurt when trying to remove them...and the thing I didn't wait for most certainly left a bitter taste.  It also reminds me of those of us who are leaders in ministry or work, or raising a family...how often to we expect those we lead to be in a place that they just simply haven't 'ripened' to yet?  We get too busy trying to play Holy Spirit that we impede the process.  Sometimes, we just need to S-L-O-W down a bit and quit trying to lead the Lord...and if you feel a finger pointing at you, please know that I am preaching to myself on this one!

4.  Thorns are a price we have to pay for the good stuff:
             I am getting a bit adept at negotiating the random thorns on the canes, but as I said before, the tiny sharp barbs that surround the berries can be plentiful and painful! As the cane grows, the thorns become fewer and far between because the cane is dying as it sends the needed nutrients to the fruit which is surrounded by them.  My, how that certainly mirrors life!  You see, it is often with the best fruits that the most pain comes.  For me, that's always relationships.  Those that live the closest to my heart can inflict the sharpest pain to my soul.  Now, I can choose to wall them off, not send nutrients to them and the thorns will lessen.  But, there are no good fruits to delight in.  The Lord has worked me over on this one repeatedly.  Simply put, I have to risk the barbs to have the amazing fruit of love and relationship.  While I've learned to be more discerning over the years, I still fall back on bad patterns at times and sadly, some of you have been victim to that.  But, Jesus is so faithful and cares too much about me to  let me live there!  It is most certainly worth the risk!!

5.  Watch where you walk:
          If you've read any of my fb posts, you know that I have snakes that like to live in my yard.  They have particularly liked hanging around the shade on the south side of the house where the patch is located.  As I was picking one day, I looked down in time to see one of the slithering creatures before I stepped on it! UGH.  Now I peruse the area before stepping in, both in the berry patch and in activities of life.

6.  The Lord provides:


I love this adventure, as random and silly as it may seem.  Every time I am in the patch, I thank the Lord for the raspberries and His preeminence in my life.

Day 776!

792

For day #792, I have scheduled my Miller Analogy Test for Grad School.  I have been putting this last piece of the puzzle off for some time.  I am not sure why... negative opinions from others as to this calling/my abilities/the wisdom of it all.  I recently have completed some 'soul searching' work for a Bible Institute class that has one conclusion screaming at me...I want the rest of my life reflecting what I have always known deep down was the call on my life...helping others.  It's hard to explain, but it's almost like breathing for me.  I get no greater pleasure than being part of someones growth. So to start, I have to have the tools necessary to get to that place.  Funny thing...Jesus has been telling me all along that this is where He wants me and I've not heeded His guiding.  No wonder I've been miserable to a degree.

One other nugget for today...I recently challenged a friend to spend this week looking for ways the Lord has pursued her heart.  We commented how easy it can be to get caught up in the pursuit of a man and how tough it can be to appreciate that same pursuit from our Savior.  This morning He pursued me into a time of sweet, sweet prayer in such a cool God-Carla way.  You see, He knows how much I love His creation...especially animals.  I love to watch birds, butterflies, and I can even appreciate nasty snakes as a fascinating creature. Of course, Coco is nothing but a gift from Jesus to me!  After sleeping through a monstrous thunder/lightning storm last night, I was quietly awakened by the most amazing song bird sitting in the tree right outside of my bedroom this morning. It put a smile on my face instantly and started a wonderful time of thanking Him for all He does for me.  The Lord used that beautiful melody to draw my heart to His. All I can say is amazing love!

Time is Ticking....

793....26.04.....2.17....that's the break down for how many days, months, years until I turn 50.  In that span of time(if the Lord allows), I will have been on the earth for half of a century.  That sounds ancient.  However, I don't feel ancient.  Yeah, there are days that my body may ache a bit more than others...heck, it did that at 20!  There are times I just don't understand the latest fad, craze, technological advancement....but I didn't always pick up on/care about the latest trendy stuff when I was 25 years younger.  You see, I don't see aging as the enemy.  I see it as a blessing.  While I don't always like the effects aging can have, there are some definite perks.  I am abundantly wiser now than I was then.  It only takes a quick call to my Mom to verify that I thought I knew EVERYTHING when I was in my twenties.  It took a few knocks from life to show me I didn't know jack.  I am now wise enough to know that there is a lot I don't know.  Another blessing...I don't care about a lot of useless worldly garbage that I used to care about.  Shopping, material things, career, travel, politics, etc. have certainly lost their appeal as I have aged. As I explained to a pal of mine, it's just more junk to have to take care of!  While this 'stuff' has lost it's appeal, people have become more and more important to me.  Oh, I am not talking of having a gazillion Facebook 'friends'...but rather having a selection of really great people in my life that take it to a whole new level. It's been refreshing to travel, not necessarily for the location, but because of the people involved in the trip.  It's fun to have a home that people consider retreat-like because it blesses the souls of others.  I enjoy shopping so much more when I can treat someone instead of dragging more 'stuff' into my house.  Why do I bring this all up?

Well, I've decided to take the next 793 days/26.04 months/2.17 years to make some changes.  Most will be small and of significance to only me, some will be appreciated and noticed by most, and a few may be truly life changing.  Yep, think I am going to embrace this aging thing...stay tuned.