It's been a quiet season for me. The words that normally tumbled out without much effort, have been rolling around in my heart to be pondered, edited, redacted, and then allowed to just remain there until a time He saw fit to release them. Here's a synopsis of what's happened between my last post and now...
Ecclesiastes 3
A time to be born, and a time to die;
To pull an example from farming, a seed must die before new life can be seen. So it was in my life, a ministry had to die before a new one could be conceptualized. Last summer saw the abrupt end to my involvement in a ministry in which I was truly struggling, but would have never voluntarily left because it was what I'd always loved to do. But in that death, the Lord has birthed a new passion for ministering to the hearts of women. I have no idea where He is taking us on this adventure, but I am in the passenger seat, I've got my sunglasses on and am ready to go!
Lesson learned: He WANTS me to be a part of His work, but He certainly doesn't need me. Know what? I'd rather be wanted than needed any day!!
3aA time to kill, and a time to heal;
I know the time to kill sin is at the start. I've experienced a longer-than-I-want-to-admit period of unforgiveness for a fellow believer. My attitude was completely wrong, yet I delighted in holding on to my "right" to indignation and hurt. Shame. on. me. Yet again, Jesus is so gracious, loving and FIRM with me. A broken and contrite heart on the matter has replaced the haughty, ugly one that was beating inside my chest, and healing has taken over. Now to work on the fractured relationship....
Lesson learned: Forgiveness is readily available to the repentant, but the longer we wait, the more scar tissue remains to be dealt with.
7b a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
This has been a huge blessing that has been a long time in coming. God, in his graciousness, has been working on my desire to constantly offer my opinion on EVERYTHING. With His wisdom, I am finding that less is more on the sharing front! And as is the enemy's MO, there have been some very, very difficult situations that I've experienced over the past 18 months that I have been tempted to start in, and the Lord has either used His word, His people, or His circumstances to keep that from happening, and I am seeing the fruit. He is supplying opportunities for HIS words to be spoken, not out of my flesh, but through His love. I firmly believe that because of the hard choices of that discipline, He is now preparing me to speak to women. He was just waiting for me to follow Him and He needed to know that I will do my best to say His words.
Lesson still learning: Always, always, always talk to Him first.
8b a time of war, and a time of peace.
This is probably the scariest challenge/change of all. I have been fighting being overweight for a majority of my life. I have dieted endlessly and can tell you the "ins" and "outs" of most major diet plans. I have lost and gained more weight than I can even count. In October, things started to come to a head and I knew that there was NO WAY I was going to do all that He has for me to do if I didn't do something. I also knew that this was much more than a fundamental food issue. It was spiritual. I had the how to, but needed the want to. So I started a quest to figure out how to come to terms with it. I sought counseling from a professional which didn't produce the results I'd hoped. Then three weeks ago I began the study by Lysa TerKurst called "Made to Crave". Honestly, I didn't want to. But when the Holy Spirit dogs me like He did, I couldn't say no. Within an hour of reading the blog on it, I had ordered the book,workbook and DVD for the study. I tried reading it on vacation, to no avail. I got back and had convinced 6 others to do the study with me. This is where the war began. Week one was horrible...I was BLANTANTLY and WILLFULLY rebellious. I knew I was on to something if I was going to be battling like this from the start. Week two got a bit better. Then week three. The word of the week has been peace. I knew that with that being the word, the enemy of my soul was gonna be on me like white on rice. Oh, but my God had different plans...plans for me to rest in him each day, plans for me to see Him supernaturally be strength in my weakness, plans for Him to bless my obedience. Where this is going to go, I have no idea. But I do know that in a few short weeks, I am seeing my God in a whole new way. I am seeing my walk with Him take turns that never would have occurred without discipline and obedience. As with any war, there are battles that I am afraid of entering. I am afraid of failing, YET again. I am afraid of outing myself via this blog and having the scrutiny of those around me. Most of all, I am afraid of making a mockery of the power of Christ, who tells me I can do all things through Him. Yet, in spite of those fears, I am claiming my first memory verse of Philippians 4:6-7 and allowing that peace that passes all understanding to guard my heart and mind.
Lesson learned: pending....
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Monday, January 4, 2010
2009 in Review
I've been thinking about 2009 and, as is usual for me, anticipating the new beginning of 2010. Here, in random order, are the top highlights/lessons/life changing moments of the year...
* Change, while not usually easy, is necessary for growth. I've seen this written across the pages of my life in 2009. A major change for me this year was a new career. After almost 20 years in the field of long term care, I embarked on another path in the health care arena: public health. It has been stress filled 6 months on a learning curve that still has me feeling like I'm behind the 8 ball. However, I've not been this fulfilled in many years! I like the challenges, the diversity of the position, the people I meet, and, most of all, not dealing with a governmental bureaucracy that is positioned on job justification instead of best practice standards. I admit it... I was beyond burned out. The Lord knew that and deep down, I knew it. I was apathetic in many ways...and the elderly folks that I was responsible for deserve so much better than that. What a privilege to have been able to touch as many lives over the years as I was allowed to...and oh how they touched mine!
* Committing to oneself is a very health thing to do!
I'd promised to myself that 2009 would see significant changes in the way I lived my life. I'd committed to not have anything or anyone in my life that was an imitation. I've realized that time is moving at an ever quickening pace and I just don't have time to waste on stuff that isn't the real deal. For the most part, I believe I've succeeded at making some real progress in this area. I've allowed myself not to be guilted into commitments, committees, organizations, relationships, ministries, etc. that are not geared towards the eternal goals the Lord has for me. I've said no to some very good things, but not the most expedient things for me and the talents the Lord has given me. Know what? Jesus blesses that! Oh, I've by no means arrived, but I am better than I was 365 days ago!
* I love quiet!
Now, you may be chuckling at this one, but I've actually struggled with this all of my adult and most of my childhood. I am often jazzed by people... they can give me energy and I feel at my best when I'm in the midst of them helping in some way. But towards the end of 2009, I began to sense a need to spend some time alone. I'm still not sure it was something the Lord led me to, or if I was just so spent that it had to happen, but I found myself enjoying the peace of my home. I found myself relaxed and not anxious to call someone to hang out, or go somewhere. In fact, I was a bit concerned that I was going to swing too far the opposite way that I became somewhat reclusive. 2010 is the year I anticipate gaining more ground in the balance of serving/being with others and seeking the solace of solitude.
* In spite of the circumstances, He is still in control and He is still good.
This year I helplessly stood by and watched some people I love dearly go through some gut wrenching pain. So many early morning and late night prayer vigils were held in my bed, so many morning and afternoon drives were spent praying and pleading with Jesus to change the circumstances. Far too many tears to count were spilled. The depths of the agony I felt and the utter frustration of knowing that my prayers were all that I could do let me know that I would do anything I could for these people. And it taught me that the greatest thing I can do for them is to stand in the gap on their behalf. It also taught me that often times, the Lord doesn't want to change the circumstances. He wants to change those I love for His glory and purposes. I wish I could say everything ended like a fairytale...but that's only in the movies. Circumstances are still difficult, but God is so good.
* I'm wowed and wooed by My Savior.
The mission trip I got to take this year was life altering. I still stand amazed that He would use me for His purposes. I never, ever want to take that for granted. I want to continue to be awed by that truth... that He WANTS me to be a part of His eternal plan. Wow.
* I believe forgiveness is the best gift anyone can give or receive!
This one is the biggie for 2009. I've witness the supernatural healing that forgiveness bestows on people. I've been both the recipient and giver of forgiveness and I am always changed for the better by it. I've seen it raise a devastated individual from the ashes of hurt and remorse into a beautiful situation that saw God get some unbelievable glory. Personally, I've witnessed the chains of the past be released by forgiving, which I am certain will only enhance who I become. It is a most beautiful thing.
All in all, 2009 was a splendid year. Thank you Lord!
* Change, while not usually easy, is necessary for growth. I've seen this written across the pages of my life in 2009. A major change for me this year was a new career. After almost 20 years in the field of long term care, I embarked on another path in the health care arena: public health. It has been stress filled 6 months on a learning curve that still has me feeling like I'm behind the 8 ball. However, I've not been this fulfilled in many years! I like the challenges, the diversity of the position, the people I meet, and, most of all, not dealing with a governmental bureaucracy that is positioned on job justification instead of best practice standards. I admit it... I was beyond burned out. The Lord knew that and deep down, I knew it. I was apathetic in many ways...and the elderly folks that I was responsible for deserve so much better than that. What a privilege to have been able to touch as many lives over the years as I was allowed to...and oh how they touched mine!
* Committing to oneself is a very health thing to do!
I'd promised to myself that 2009 would see significant changes in the way I lived my life. I'd committed to not have anything or anyone in my life that was an imitation. I've realized that time is moving at an ever quickening pace and I just don't have time to waste on stuff that isn't the real deal. For the most part, I believe I've succeeded at making some real progress in this area. I've allowed myself not to be guilted into commitments, committees, organizations, relationships, ministries, etc. that are not geared towards the eternal goals the Lord has for me. I've said no to some very good things, but not the most expedient things for me and the talents the Lord has given me. Know what? Jesus blesses that! Oh, I've by no means arrived, but I am better than I was 365 days ago!
* I love quiet!
Now, you may be chuckling at this one, but I've actually struggled with this all of my adult and most of my childhood. I am often jazzed by people... they can give me energy and I feel at my best when I'm in the midst of them helping in some way. But towards the end of 2009, I began to sense a need to spend some time alone. I'm still not sure it was something the Lord led me to, or if I was just so spent that it had to happen, but I found myself enjoying the peace of my home. I found myself relaxed and not anxious to call someone to hang out, or go somewhere. In fact, I was a bit concerned that I was going to swing too far the opposite way that I became somewhat reclusive. 2010 is the year I anticipate gaining more ground in the balance of serving/being with others and seeking the solace of solitude.
* In spite of the circumstances, He is still in control and He is still good.
This year I helplessly stood by and watched some people I love dearly go through some gut wrenching pain. So many early morning and late night prayer vigils were held in my bed, so many morning and afternoon drives were spent praying and pleading with Jesus to change the circumstances. Far too many tears to count were spilled. The depths of the agony I felt and the utter frustration of knowing that my prayers were all that I could do let me know that I would do anything I could for these people. And it taught me that the greatest thing I can do for them is to stand in the gap on their behalf. It also taught me that often times, the Lord doesn't want to change the circumstances. He wants to change those I love for His glory and purposes. I wish I could say everything ended like a fairytale...but that's only in the movies. Circumstances are still difficult, but God is so good.
* I'm wowed and wooed by My Savior.
The mission trip I got to take this year was life altering. I still stand amazed that He would use me for His purposes. I never, ever want to take that for granted. I want to continue to be awed by that truth... that He WANTS me to be a part of His eternal plan. Wow.
* I believe forgiveness is the best gift anyone can give or receive!
This one is the biggie for 2009. I've witness the supernatural healing that forgiveness bestows on people. I've been both the recipient and giver of forgiveness and I am always changed for the better by it. I've seen it raise a devastated individual from the ashes of hurt and remorse into a beautiful situation that saw God get some unbelievable glory. Personally, I've witnessed the chains of the past be released by forgiving, which I am certain will only enhance who I become. It is a most beautiful thing.
All in all, 2009 was a splendid year. Thank you Lord!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
To Know Him
My life has been oddly different for the past couple of months. This extroverted, opinionated woman has found a need at the depths of my soul to be quiet. To listen more and talk less. To seek the solace and quietness of my home. To not be in the midst of crazy scheduling that being involved in a host of ministries/organizations/relationships/activities bring. I'll admit, at first I thought I was going through a depression or some passive aggressive notion where I disliked being around people. Then I thought I was just being rebellious. I'm not used to pulling back the reigns and separating myself from the crowds. Normally, I'm energized by people, but honestly I have felt myself drained by them. As I kept pleading to the Lord to CHANGE ME back into the person I was, there was seemingly no response from Him. Then one night after our annual conference at church ended and as I laid in bed meditating over all I had heard that week, it dawned on me. This dry time was from the One who loves me most. The Lord wasn't satisfied with my superficial knowledge of Him and therefore, He wasn't going to allow me to be satisfied with the status quo our relationship had become. I laid there thinking of all I have seen Him do, the fact that He wanted me to know Him so deeply that HE PURSUED ME into a wild love relationship with Him, that He wants me to know Him so intimately that HE GAVE ME an unending volume of His word that shows me nuances to His character every time I make the effort to read it. I have seen Him change lives in such dramatic ways because HE LOVES.
This was verified by something that one of the speakers had said the next day. In paraphrase, he stated that we cannot know who we are in Christ until we really know who Christ is. God usually has to say it a couple of time for me to get on the clue bus. I've been spending so much time looking for the personal application to my time in the Word that I have totally missed the PURPOSE for being in the Word...to simply KNOW HIM. Yes, there is personal application and systems for living our lives found all throughout the word, but seriously, this is the one place that gives me insight into the very being of God Himself. How have I missed that simple truth all of these years? What is so ironic about all of this is the number of close friends I have spoken with about this very thing... that we spend so much time doing, being task oriented, trying to prove our faith, that we neglect the very foundation of the whole reason for our faith ~ a PERSONAL relationship with Jesus.
Since that night? My time in the Bible has been nothing short of amazing. I see things about Jesus I never realized before...I was too busy thinking about me instead of searching for Him. I went to our prayer night last night and it was one of the best I'd ever been to...because I was in sync with my Savior. No bells and whistles... just being in one accord with Jesus.
This was verified by something that one of the speakers had said the next day. In paraphrase, he stated that we cannot know who we are in Christ until we really know who Christ is. God usually has to say it a couple of time for me to get on the clue bus. I've been spending so much time looking for the personal application to my time in the Word that I have totally missed the PURPOSE for being in the Word...to simply KNOW HIM. Yes, there is personal application and systems for living our lives found all throughout the word, but seriously, this is the one place that gives me insight into the very being of God Himself. How have I missed that simple truth all of these years? What is so ironic about all of this is the number of close friends I have spoken with about this very thing... that we spend so much time doing, being task oriented, trying to prove our faith, that we neglect the very foundation of the whole reason for our faith ~ a PERSONAL relationship with Jesus.
Since that night? My time in the Bible has been nothing short of amazing. I see things about Jesus I never realized before...I was too busy thinking about me instead of searching for Him. I went to our prayer night last night and it was one of the best I'd ever been to...because I was in sync with my Savior. No bells and whistles... just being in one accord with Jesus.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Authority=Responsibility
James 3:1-2 My brethren, be not many masters,knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.
We studied this passage a couple of weeks ago in Unite, but it is still resonating with me. Perhaps because I have spent some in depth time in the Proverbs as I have felt the need for deeper wisdom and conviction in my life. While this passage is talking mainly about teachers of God's Word, I firmly believe that it's application relevant to anyone in a position of influence, authority or leadership. Truthfully, I believe those of us in authority/leadership are woefully lacking in this most important discipline ~ control of our words.
I have witnessed several examples of this over the past few weeks. On a national and local level, people in positions of authority (and by default for most of them - positions of leadership)have been spewing their 'spin' on everything from the economy to H1N1 with little factual data to support their opinion. Of course, when confronted, they simply say it is their 'right' to have freedom of speech. When did we lose that fact that with 'rights' come responsibilities? When did it become the acceptable way for a person with authority to somehow neglect the fact that with that power comes much responsibility to do the right thing...which can often mean to say nothing at all? I am so frustrated with people who want the power but then lay the blame on others when things don't go as they claimed it would. Oh, what a breath of fresh air would be the leader who actually lives out the principle of 'the buck stops here'!!
Now, there are many who have less nefarious ways and simply get caught up in the moment, say things they wish they hadn't, or who truly do not realize their influence and the ramifications their words have. I have seen words said in jest affect lives in dramatically negative ways. Over the past couple of weeks I have notice a progressive regression in my ability to control what comes out of my mouth. Flippant, sarcastic, divisive words seem to pour out of my lips with ease. I have witnessed it reduce my effectiveness and credibility with those I am charged to lead. Several times I have found myself appalled and devastated at my lack of discipline. I know it's a heart issue and one that My Savior is more than capable of eradicating from my life.
Heavenly Father... I need You and know that I cannot effectively lead without your Word and Spirit flowing through my heart, mind and ultimately my words.
We studied this passage a couple of weeks ago in Unite, but it is still resonating with me. Perhaps because I have spent some in depth time in the Proverbs as I have felt the need for deeper wisdom and conviction in my life. While this passage is talking mainly about teachers of God's Word, I firmly believe that it's application relevant to anyone in a position of influence, authority or leadership. Truthfully, I believe those of us in authority/leadership are woefully lacking in this most important discipline ~ control of our words.
I have witnessed several examples of this over the past few weeks. On a national and local level, people in positions of authority (and by default for most of them - positions of leadership)have been spewing their 'spin' on everything from the economy to H1N1 with little factual data to support their opinion. Of course, when confronted, they simply say it is their 'right' to have freedom of speech. When did we lose that fact that with 'rights' come responsibilities? When did it become the acceptable way for a person with authority to somehow neglect the fact that with that power comes much responsibility to do the right thing...which can often mean to say nothing at all? I am so frustrated with people who want the power but then lay the blame on others when things don't go as they claimed it would. Oh, what a breath of fresh air would be the leader who actually lives out the principle of 'the buck stops here'!!
Now, there are many who have less nefarious ways and simply get caught up in the moment, say things they wish they hadn't, or who truly do not realize their influence and the ramifications their words have. I have seen words said in jest affect lives in dramatically negative ways. Over the past couple of weeks I have notice a progressive regression in my ability to control what comes out of my mouth. Flippant, sarcastic, divisive words seem to pour out of my lips with ease. I have witnessed it reduce my effectiveness and credibility with those I am charged to lead. Several times I have found myself appalled and devastated at my lack of discipline. I know it's a heart issue and one that My Savior is more than capable of eradicating from my life.
Heavenly Father... I need You and know that I cannot effectively lead without your Word and Spirit flowing through my heart, mind and ultimately my words.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Coco
Today my puppy had surgery on her knee. After several years of frolicking with her boyfriend, Shadow; a near stomping from a horse and a wild cat chase at the neighbors, her back knee finally had taken all the stress it could stand. With the prognosis not good without surgery, I sat trying to decide which option was the best choice for her quality of life and which option was the best steward of the money the Lord has provided me. What has been the most interesting thing through all of this process is the deep seeded feelings I have for my dog. Yep, I am one of those crazy dog lovers and here is why.... she teaches me so much. Now, before you say I've went off the deep end, think about these ideas for a moment:
Love: My precious pup LOVES me. Without compromise, without doubt, without reservation. Oh how I wish I could love like she does! I wish I could love my Master with abandon as she does me. When my day has been less than wonderful, walking in the door to find her sitting on the sofa, wagging her tail in excitement to see me erases so much of the stress I often carry.
Focus: Coco's one desire in life is to please me. Yes, she reponds with spastic pleasure to a few of my friends, but I am the Alpha in her life. It is my heart's desire to have Jesus be the one to please in my life. I admit, I lose focus in this area all too often. Coco's daily reminder of this principle helps me readjust my vision.
True companionship: The diva dog is my friend. That may sound odd, but she provides forgiveness when I'm grumpy and snap at her, the benefit of the doubt when I've been less than attentive, a compassionate precence when I'm upset and need attention, a fierce defender when danger looms, and a playful, goofy attitude when I need to laugh. I wish I were half as good a friend to my human ones as she is to me!
Simplicity: The best lesson I've learned from Coco is to keep life simple. She enjoys just being where I am, or investigating what's been hanging out in the yard, or trying to make new friends with the cats, squirrels, deer or whatever critter is in her sight. It takes little to entertain her, but her heart always comes back to knowing where I am, where I'm moving, what I'm doing and being a part of it. A dear friend of mine made a simply profound statement a few years back. We were talking of all the issues of ministry and Christianity, and he said, "We just need to love Jesus and get on with it." That has resonated with me since he said it. How simply, but wisely put! If I love Him, I will know where He is, where He's moving and what He is doing. I will want to be a part of Him. My deepest desire is to love Jesus and get on with it!
Thank you Father, for blessing my life with Coco. She's a gift that You have used to teach me some simple, yet profound lessons.
Love: My precious pup LOVES me. Without compromise, without doubt, without reservation. Oh how I wish I could love like she does! I wish I could love my Master with abandon as she does me. When my day has been less than wonderful, walking in the door to find her sitting on the sofa, wagging her tail in excitement to see me erases so much of the stress I often carry.
Focus: Coco's one desire in life is to please me. Yes, she reponds with spastic pleasure to a few of my friends, but I am the Alpha in her life. It is my heart's desire to have Jesus be the one to please in my life. I admit, I lose focus in this area all too often. Coco's daily reminder of this principle helps me readjust my vision.
True companionship: The diva dog is my friend. That may sound odd, but she provides forgiveness when I'm grumpy and snap at her, the benefit of the doubt when I've been less than attentive, a compassionate precence when I'm upset and need attention, a fierce defender when danger looms, and a playful, goofy attitude when I need to laugh. I wish I were half as good a friend to my human ones as she is to me!
Simplicity: The best lesson I've learned from Coco is to keep life simple. She enjoys just being where I am, or investigating what's been hanging out in the yard, or trying to make new friends with the cats, squirrels, deer or whatever critter is in her sight. It takes little to entertain her, but her heart always comes back to knowing where I am, where I'm moving, what I'm doing and being a part of it. A dear friend of mine made a simply profound statement a few years back. We were talking of all the issues of ministry and Christianity, and he said, "We just need to love Jesus and get on with it." That has resonated with me since he said it. How simply, but wisely put! If I love Him, I will know where He is, where He's moving and what He is doing. I will want to be a part of Him. My deepest desire is to love Jesus and get on with it!
Thank you Father, for blessing my life with Coco. She's a gift that You have used to teach me some simple, yet profound lessons.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Is it I?
This week for our UNiTE reading, we've been finishing up the book of Matthew. I've spent some time just meditating on the death of Jesus and all that surrounded that account in Matthew 26 - 28. What has captured my attention is the response of those around Him...their humanness in a situation that cannot be compared to any other in history... how much I can relate to them.
I read about the disciples during that time. These men had spent an inordinate amount of time with Jesus, yet they still dwelled in the darkness of doubt. When Jesus told that one of them would betray Him, they all questioned, "Lord, is it I?" I think of me at that moment. Like the disciples, I know the doubt, unbelief, lack of faith that lurks in my soul. I too have wondered, "Is it I?" There is no doubt that I would have responded as they did.
Then there was Peter. I love Peter...because I can so easily relate to him. Like the passionate preacher, I too can declare my loyalty and affinity for a man, only to deny him in the next minute. We run high on emotion and low on discernment at times. Oh, we wholeheartedly believe that we will battle til the bitter end, finding the process of the battle wearying and frightening. We often draw the sword haphazardly swinging at anyone in our path, forgetting that He doesn't need us to fight battles for Him. And we weep bitterly, often to the depths of our souls, when we know we've let Him down.
With all of this humanness, I can't help but be overwhelmingly encouraged by one thing ~ the love of our Lord towards us. He knew what was going to happen, yet He still spent His last moments on earth loving without reservation. He still willingly went to that cross to take on my sin, my shame, my disappointing rejection of Him and His plan. He still put Himself in subjection to His Father, knowing that He would transcend to the depths of hell and be momentarily separated from the One with whom He had spent eternity past. It is here that I ask myself two questions... how can anyone reject that depth of love? and What am I doing to share that kind of love with those who don't know Him?
I read about the disciples during that time. These men had spent an inordinate amount of time with Jesus, yet they still dwelled in the darkness of doubt. When Jesus told that one of them would betray Him, they all questioned, "Lord, is it I?" I think of me at that moment. Like the disciples, I know the doubt, unbelief, lack of faith that lurks in my soul. I too have wondered, "Is it I?" There is no doubt that I would have responded as they did.
Then there was Peter. I love Peter...because I can so easily relate to him. Like the passionate preacher, I too can declare my loyalty and affinity for a man, only to deny him in the next minute. We run high on emotion and low on discernment at times. Oh, we wholeheartedly believe that we will battle til the bitter end, finding the process of the battle wearying and frightening. We often draw the sword haphazardly swinging at anyone in our path, forgetting that He doesn't need us to fight battles for Him. And we weep bitterly, often to the depths of our souls, when we know we've let Him down.
With all of this humanness, I can't help but be overwhelmingly encouraged by one thing ~ the love of our Lord towards us. He knew what was going to happen, yet He still spent His last moments on earth loving without reservation. He still willingly went to that cross to take on my sin, my shame, my disappointing rejection of Him and His plan. He still put Himself in subjection to His Father, knowing that He would transcend to the depths of hell and be momentarily separated from the One with whom He had spent eternity past. It is here that I ask myself two questions... how can anyone reject that depth of love? and What am I doing to share that kind of love with those who don't know Him?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Other Side
I hate confrontation. Of course, I don't know anyone who really enjoys it. I hate having to humble myself and 'come clean' with bad attitudes or selfish motives. But oh do I love the outcome...the other side.
This past week I had two such incidents ~ one that I initiated and one I didn't. Both involve believers who are very dear to me and bring a depth to my walk that I covet. What I loved about the difficulty of this time spent with both of them was the common bond I find when believers who want to truly please the Lord have when dealing with problems. The ministry of reconciliation. In both instances, all parties involved did what is commanded in James...we were quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. We all really listened to what the other was saying. We respected the convictions the other held. We all realized that being right with the Lord was more important than holding onto any 'rights' we may think is owed us. It was humbling, to say the least. It was tough knowing I had caused heartache in someone that I love. It was hard to shed tears and be vulnerable. Yet, it was beyond worth all of those feelings I felt. My respect for all involved deepened in a way that just would not have happened in any other manner. I got to see one brother hold tight to convictions when I disagreed... and I deeply respect and honor a man who has the courage to stand for what he believes in! Because the Lord allowed us the chance to go through this trying time, my friend probably will never know the depths I will now go to defend his reputation. In the other instance, a brother spoke to me about the distance between his wife and I and how because she was hurt, he was angry. He apologized for his anger towards me, but his leadership in dealing with the situation was the precipitant needed for the two of us women to get right with each other. (p.s. I may be a 1950's woman at heart, but I LOVE the fact that he loves his wife so much that he will do what it takes to help her grow...both in leading by example and wanting to be her protector ~ woohooo!!)
Now sitting on the other side of those scenarios, I see my Awesome Savior's fingerprints all over them... the breaking of wills, the growth in all of us over the years that needed to take place, and the resulting joy of knowing that while difficulties came, we worked through them to bring Him glory. I'm not here to say that this is always the way it works because, if we are honest, we don't always want reconciliation. Sometimes we just want to be right, or we want to wallow in self pity, or we don't want to humble ourselves...the excuses are many but the reason is the same ~ we don't want what God wants.
Thank you, Father, for breaking me, humbling me, and allowing me to see this the way You do. Thank you for amazing brothers and sisters who are like minded and love You more than themselves!
This past week I had two such incidents ~ one that I initiated and one I didn't. Both involve believers who are very dear to me and bring a depth to my walk that I covet. What I loved about the difficulty of this time spent with both of them was the common bond I find when believers who want to truly please the Lord have when dealing with problems. The ministry of reconciliation. In both instances, all parties involved did what is commanded in James...we were quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. We all really listened to what the other was saying. We respected the convictions the other held. We all realized that being right with the Lord was more important than holding onto any 'rights' we may think is owed us. It was humbling, to say the least. It was tough knowing I had caused heartache in someone that I love. It was hard to shed tears and be vulnerable. Yet, it was beyond worth all of those feelings I felt. My respect for all involved deepened in a way that just would not have happened in any other manner. I got to see one brother hold tight to convictions when I disagreed... and I deeply respect and honor a man who has the courage to stand for what he believes in! Because the Lord allowed us the chance to go through this trying time, my friend probably will never know the depths I will now go to defend his reputation. In the other instance, a brother spoke to me about the distance between his wife and I and how because she was hurt, he was angry. He apologized for his anger towards me, but his leadership in dealing with the situation was the precipitant needed for the two of us women to get right with each other. (p.s. I may be a 1950's woman at heart, but I LOVE the fact that he loves his wife so much that he will do what it takes to help her grow...both in leading by example and wanting to be her protector ~ woohooo!!)
Now sitting on the other side of those scenarios, I see my Awesome Savior's fingerprints all over them... the breaking of wills, the growth in all of us over the years that needed to take place, and the resulting joy of knowing that while difficulties came, we worked through them to bring Him glory. I'm not here to say that this is always the way it works because, if we are honest, we don't always want reconciliation. Sometimes we just want to be right, or we want to wallow in self pity, or we don't want to humble ourselves...the excuses are many but the reason is the same ~ we don't want what God wants.
Thank you, Father, for breaking me, humbling me, and allowing me to see this the way You do. Thank you for amazing brothers and sisters who are like minded and love You more than themselves!
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