Taking a deep breath

Sometimes, we all need to pause and take a deep breath.  We need to shut down the crazy that can quickly consume us and find True North.  I made the mistake of checking Facebook before checking in with God.  Oy.  I know better.  There in the news feed were articles of impending doom, ridiculous 'news' articles about the opinions of people who make me want to shout "Seriously, get over yourself!", and the smattering of passive aggressive posts by people that make a regular habit of doing so.  Quickly, I knew that I needed to have face time with my Creator or I was in serious peril of spiraling down into the abyss of worldly nonsense.

I found myself in 1 Samuel 1-2. I love the story of Hannah.  I so get her.  She is a woman wanting, longing for something from the center of her soul only to be misunderstood by those around her.  Yet, she knew the Lord was listening.  She had no place to go but to Him.  This was only something that He could deliver on. Oh, yes, I get it.  I appreciate how when she is finished praying and speaking to Eli that her countenance is no longer sad (1 Sam 1:18). I've experienced the same softening of my features when I've boldly petitioned for those desires that stir deep.  When audible words do not come, but that provoking of the spirit assures me that I was heard by the One who cares and Who knows.

Yet, today, it wasn't Hannah's prayer in chapter 1 that caused my heart to skip a beat.  It was her worship in 2:2 that captured my attention.  It says, " There is none holy as the Lord: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God."  Simple, grounding truth.  As I come through a struggle, this certainty cuts through the feelings, vain imaginations and lies that anyone but the Jesus is Lord and He alone is capable to do that which I cannot.  Oh, how in the thick of the unknown do I want to be found in this kind of worship. The world and my life may be chaotic...but He is the rock.

Jehovah Shalom

That moment of undiluted conviction.  That burn in the depths of my heart because I know I've sinned against the Lord.

Heartbreaking.
Brokenness.
Comprehending the depths of my depravity.

Ugh.

That's when He nudged me and stirred up these words in my heart..

Hey sweet girl.  Do you see my grace?

Yes, you've failed, but you are not a failure. The all loving gift of My blood on the cross makes that so.

Yes, you are hurting from the pain your choice has caused, but I see the beauty that will rise from this mess.

Yes, you are feeling the conviction of sin, yet My Word reminds you of promises of peace that come with repentance.

My girl, it's hard and I know it.  I wanted to protect you from these consequences, yet, I will use them to mold you.

Do you see my grace?  It's right there in the prayers, hugs, and healing words of the inner circle that walks this path with you.  It's in the counsel of the godly leader I've placed in your life to shepherd you.  It's in My Word which gives example upon example of those who have gone down similar paths that I have worked life changing miracles through for my glory.

Hey daughter...look again...yeah, that's my grace telling you that I am not finished with you yet...in fact, this is a new start.

I am your Jehovah Shalom - your God of Peace.

Psalm 51:8 - Make me to hear joy and gladness...

8452

8452... the approximate number of days that I have left on this earth if I live to be the average age of 75.  Yep, I've counted them out.  A little over a month ago I heard a message by James MacDonald on the following verse:

Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

It resonated with me in a deep place in my soul. When I turned 50,  I'd made a pledge to myself to do something greater with the second part of my life than I had the first part.  I don't want to waste time with the futile activities of previous years...worry, stagnation, resignation, hanging on to empty relationships, just to name a few.  I am truly stubborn enough to believe that my best days are yet to be lived.

So, I've numbered them.  I know that if I don't, I will be caught up in the distraction of the urgent instead of the intention of the important.  Last night I was reminded of the necessity of being brutal with distractions.  I've been hosting a women's night on Thursdays to discuss the book The Best Yes  by Lysa TerKeurst. The past three Thursday evenings have been the biggest blessing I've had in a while.   I knew He was calling me to open my home and heart to women who needed to be a part of this gathering.  I knew I had to be obedient because that obedience was connected to that pledge of purpose.  I knew I needed it far more than anyone who would walk through my door.  Oh.so.glad.I.obeyed.  To have women who want to connect with each other in a purpose filled way...well, it makes my heart smile. To have the women I've encountered the past few weeks want to do some serious damage for the Kingdom by seeking Him, His word, and His fellowship with other like minded ladies...excites me beyond measure.  

Last night's discussion perhaps gave me the best clue about how to apply my heart unto wisdom:

Be present.

I can number my days, but the reality is the only thing I have is this moment.  I may get more or less of the 8450 I've counted up.  All He is asking of me is to be acutely aware of the gift of time yet to be present in the here and now.  Not to worry about the future or bemoan the past.  Today.  Spend time with Him to get my direction and daily dose of love.  Be present with Him.  Spend time in intentional relationship with those He's placed in my sphere of influence.  Be present with them.  Listen with intention.  Encourage with grace, truth and love.

My prayer is that you are encouraged today to be present where He has you.

Lessons from Jehovah-jireh

This past weekend found me trying to get several small things done so that I could take most of the weekend.  One of those things was picking what cherries might be salvaged after rain and bug damage...

I was fighting bugs, poison ivy, humidity and honestly an attitude that was as sour as the ruby orbs I was picking.  I'd had a good time with the Lord earlier and didn't want this task to ruin what was the good start to the day.  So I asked Him to commune with me and let me know He was there...which He answered in the form of lessons.  As I continued to search for edible fruits, it dawned on me (thank you Holy Spirit!) that cherry picking is a lot like studying God's word.  Often, there will be low hanging fruits that are consumable, but it's usually the fruits hiding under the leaves and branches that offer blemish free fruit.  So it is with my studying.  I can simply read a small portion of scripture or a nice little devotional and will get something that makes me feel good or may be a little bit convicting and call it a day.  However, when I begin to study the words, compare Scripture with Scripture and really unpack a passage, I get the really good stuff.  The life changing lessons.

As I was picking cherries, again the Holy Spirit reminded me that He really is Jehovah-jireh - "the Lord will provide".  These cherry trees weren't planted by me.  One or two were planted by the former owners and then propagated by the many birds that make my land their home.  I did nothing to bring these cherries to my home. Yet, I and some family/friends reap the benefit.  Another find...

Gooseberries!  Never have seen them before on my land.  Jehovah-jireh.  I have never eaten them before but you can bet I will try them this year!

And the best lesson about Jehovah-jireh?  His provision of my family, and in particular my parents.  As I was harvesting the fruit and giggling about my gooseberry find, I couldn't help but think of how very fortunate I am to have learned what I have from my folks.  There were years of gardening when we were growing up: planting, harvesting, canning/processing.  We were all a part of the process (can I say that I HATED picking strawberries (I swear that bed was 1/2 an acre!!) and corn...oh, and those nasty ginormous spiders in the tomatoes?!!) and it wasn't fun a majority of the time.  The only exception was blackberry picking with my Dad...it was usually filled with stories from his past and I love those times!  Mom would work tirelessly to can or freeze everything...and we'd have an abundance of fruits and vegetables to last throughout all of fall, winter and into spring!  As they say, more was caught then actually taught.  We learned by watching and helping them.  I now know how to process that produce because I watched Mom and was a part of it all.  Those lessons are invaluable as I am now loving pulling out what little I can, freeze, and dehydrate in the winter and enjoying it with others.  I am so thankful to be a Ewing and to have been given my parents to teach me over the years!

What started out as a bad attitude became a time of gratitude...as only Jehovah-jireh can do!

Moments

The longer I walk this earth, the more attune I am to the fact that the best of life happens in moments. Today, I was reminded of that certainty.  As a woman who is not a parent, those occasions that most of you with kids experience are a bit fewer and farther between for me. The latest involved the Nephew.  He is at that age where I find myself irritated more than enamored.  He knows what buttons to push (it must be genetic from his father!) to get a reaction out of me and it works every time.  This morning I was charged with getting him to lifting for football.  As we were leaving the house, I was stunned by the rays of sun breaking through the clouds and decided to snap a photo.  Of course, that lead to comments from the peanut gallery...until he turned around and looked at what I was photographing.  He stopped and said, "That looks like Jesus looking down".  I simply smiled and said, "Yes, it does".  We drove to the school with the usual "teen annoying aunt" banter resuming.  As he got out and I told him have a great workout, time seemed to stop.  I watch this young man, who will be a freshman, walk into the school and my heart melted.  Pretty soon he will be a senior graduating and going to college.  He will probably marry and have children.  It all happens so fast.  He isn't that little boy who giggled at blowing bubbles, or who dressed up as EVERY superhero known to man, or who performed in the school musicals.  He's becoming a man.  As I drove away from the school, I thanked God for him and asked Him to mold this young man into one who follows after Him with all he has.  I prayed that he would see Jesus in the everyday of life.  I thanked Him for this moment.

Change is inevitable but growth is intentional

Welcome to the "new" endeavor.  

I've taken a bit of a step back from my normal routine, a sabbatical of sorts, to pause to listen to the Lord.  The noise of life was crowding out that still small voice that I wanted to hear.  Oh how He loves to meet us in those times!  I don't know about you, but I delight in the results of what author Lysa TerKeurst calls "growth opportunities".  For certain, I don't always enjoy the process of coming to said results but the lovely that is on the other side makes it so worth the pain.

This is the result of that quiet.  A soul searching, sin exposing, pick me up and brush me off time with Jesus.  Some of lessons will be shared in coming weeks and some will remain between He and I until He finishes the refining.

Why the change in the blog?  Pure and simple: Intention.  Most of my life has been a linking of random growth moments and my blog has reflected that lack of intentional living.  I didn't want to be tied down to purposeful, directional writing.  I wanted the freedom to write whatever popped into my head.  Not all bad for that period.  That era is over.  I want my remaining days to count for something eternal.

Why Undertaking Grace?

To undertake something is a "formal pledge or promise to do something".  An oath. A covenant. A vow. A commitment.  Lofty words and, of myself, completely unattainable.  Not so with Jesus.  I'm setting the bar high so I have no option but to look to Him - the author and finisher of my faith.  The One with whom all things are possible, including this woman's desire to know His grace in ways I cannot fathom today.  Because I need grace so desperately in my life.  It's what my eternity is banking on... the unmatched grace of Jesus Christ.  I need it where I walk every day.  I need it so saturating my life that is spills out onto those that cross my path every day.  I need it so others will see IT instead of the mess that is me.  I need it so they will see Jesus.  I need it because I don't consistently have it.

It won't always be a warm fuzzy.  It won't always be profound.  My prayer is that it will consistently be real.

I will leave you today with this tweet from Carlos Rodriguez:

If your theology makes you feel superior to others, rethink your theology.

Day 23 - shoes

 These are my relatively new hiking shoes.  I've been breaking them in this winter to ready them and my feet for my hiking goals for 2015.  Today has been a difficult day and thinking of the times that I will be able to don these beauties, get outside in the fresh air, walk a few miles and clear my head sounds heavenly at this moment!  It's time to think spring and get those hiking goals on the calendar.