Going Pro in Encouragement

 Several years ago, I had offered up a compliment to a fellow believer.  The recipient made the comment that they didn't know if I was telling the truth or trying to flatter them. Welp, that was a slap in the face that took me aback.  Because I'd had the fortune of walking with Jesus for a while, I took some time to assess my motives.  I was happy to discover that I wasn't interested in flattering, but honestly wanted this person to know I'd appreciated whatever it was for which I'd encouraged them.  To be truthful, that comment did a number on my spirit for some time.  I'd discovered that I valued that person's opinion more than I valued the Lord's prompting to offer up encouragement.  I also learned that person's response came from a place of deep insecurity, hence the comment.  What I had to work through was balancing a motive check with obedience to His leading with call He has placed on my life to be an encourager.  He has gifted me with the desire to influence through encouragement to see other believers be all that He has made them to be for His glory.  

So fast forward to today.  Our church has been participating in a 50 for 50 series.  It's fifty minutes for fifty days to incorporate biblical habits into one's life.  The four areas of concentration are prayer, reading, exercise and encouragement.  It's been a life changing challenge for me, to say the least. While I'd created habits for prayer, reading and encouragement, I figured the exercise would be my daily battle.  Oh, do I love how He reminds me that my thoughts are not His!  The biggest challenge has been the encouragement component, which has caused me to go deeper in to studying this concept of encouraging another. What He has prompted me to do is to be quiet, pray and wait for His prompt on the person. I've yet to have Him tell me how to encourage the person, but rather to just be obedient. There have been days that the prompt has been easy.  There have been days that it's been a challenge.  There has been one day that I knew the best encouragement I could do would be to pray for that individual because they are not in a place to receive a word from me. In the over two weeks I've been doing this, the outcome has left me so joy filled, because the joy is rooted in obedience to Him. He has challenged my "people opinion" thinking on this and I've given that up to Him.  I'm not responsible for any response, but rather my planting and watering seeds of encouragement.  And the Lord being

the Lord, has spurred some recipients to share how obedience to His prompt has lifted spirits, strengthened their resolve, or to know they are loved.  While it may not seem like a big deal, it is to Jesus!

I found a biblical definition of encouragement that gave me a lot to contemplate.  From the AV1611 site: ENCOUR'AGE, (v.t. enkur'rage.) To give courage to; to give or increase confidence of success; to inspire with courage, spirit, or strength of mind; to embolden; to animate; to incite; to inspirit.

The lessons I've learned have been many.  Encouragement is more than a kind word, although that's the easiest one for me.  It can also be challenging words that will move from a place of potential destruction to a place of victory, and those should almost always be done face to face! Encouragement can be delivering a Starbucks to a friend and letting them know they are seen in their discouragement.  It can be sending up a prayer, knowing that what that person is in need of is the Lord himself, not my opinion or input.  Encouragement is quite simply meeting people where they are and being the catalyst that He uses to grow and mold them into all He's created them to be!

One last thought, one of my top favorite bible characters is Barnabas.  His name means encourager, and he lived up to his name.  While his story isn't a long one, his life was one of great influence on the spread of the gospel and those who carried to far reaching places on earth.  A side note here - not everyone is called or created to be a Moses or a Paul. The Bible is full of people who were mentioned once or twice that had mighty impact for the kingdom.  Do not allow anyone to compare your gifting with another or diminish HIS calling on your life. It is all important to Jesus!

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.  1 Thessalonians 5:11

I'm back!

I'm back.  After what I feel has been a period of wandering the desert where writing has been concerned, He's opened it up again.  He's giving me lessons to share, and I've been putting Him off, quite honestly.  Why?  Because of a wrong mindset.  I shared with the roomie the other day that I had a blog that's been rolling around, yet my mind keeps going back to who cares what I have to say?  And I am 100% right because who cares what I have to say... this is His teaching. I am just the conduit.  Yet, I delayed a couple of days.  And the Lord, in his indescribable mercy, gave me a gift this morning.  I went back and reread some past blogs.  Many tears flowed.  He has given me some great insights because He loves me so much!  So, now I write for Him, to record the lessons for me to look back, to know just how MUCH He loves me because He never gives up on me!

I am praying for anyone who may read this.  Know that YOU have a place in His plan for the Kingdom.  Do not let the seen and unseen critics in your life to lie to you in saying that you don't.  You have a purpose.  Embrace it!

A Black Eye, a Repentant Heart, and a Call to Action

 And so it comes to pass.

This past weekend I took fall #2 for 2021.  It was a stupid mistake on my part as I know better than to leave a tote bag on the floor without tucking in the handles.  My right toe caught the handle and down I went.  I couldn't even break my fall, hitting my right eye (with glasses on) smack on the concrete floor.  The fall required a visit to the ER and that's where this story begins.

We arrived at one of the local hospitals around 9:15 pm.  I checked in and waited about 15 minutes to be triaged.  Since my entire career has been spent medical adjacent, I always enjoy visiting with the staff, but especially during this past 20 months.  These medical professionals have experienced so much and they are exhausted.  I've made it my personal mission to thank everyone who serves in this capacity when I get the opportunity.  Not because I am that kind, but because they truly deserve it!  My triage nurse was a hoot and we hit it off.  During our repartee, she shared that they had experienced the most covid patients on Saturday since the start of the pandemic. I wish I could say I was surprised, but given our testing numbers lately, I wasn't. She told me that they were going to send me to x-ray and it would be a wait afterwards for a room to be seen by the ER physician. The trip to x-ray was quick and efficient.  Then the wait began.  About an hour and a half later, I was taken back to a room.  What I saw when I was taken back was what we have hoped would not happen in this pandemic... an ER surge.

I can only credit the Lord with the fact that I was placed in a room.  There were 4 patients in beds in the hallways and every room was occupied. After a brief intake process, the doctor came into see me.  He was upbeat and did the routine check-up, noting that he felt a CT was in order even though I was alert and coherent.  I agreed and he sheepishly said, "It will be awhile as you are #17 in line".  Ugh.  Poor Sherri was hanging with me and we knew we were in for a wait.  At 1:30 a.m., they came to take me to get CT and those in the halls had increased by two.  One person was in a full gall bladder attack, in the hall, roiling on the bed.  Folks, I've been there and I can tell you NO ONE wants to be in a hall, on a bed, for everyone to see when you are THAT miserable. Two seemed to be resting, and a patient that they had placed outside of my room was in some kind of serious intestinal distress. She was SICK and pretty much needed a nurse the entire night! Because I know about infection control procedures, I knew there were COVID positive patients in rooms that required multiple nurses intervening in full personal protective gear that is changed with every room.  Upon return from the CT scan, we didn't see anyone until the doctor came in my room at 5:45ish. Between those two times, I would get up out of my bed and watch the activity.  The one tech in ER was on a dead run the entire time I was there.  The few nurses I saw only sat long enough to chart and then back taking care of the next patient.  

I will admit that I was frustrated in the wait.  Then the Lord gently reminded me that I could be one of these really sick patients. Ouch.  Yeah, it was a necessity that I make that trip to the ER.  However, I could be a whole lot worse off than I was.  I decide to pray for the staff and patients.  I'd been humbled to realize that I am what I abhor... an entitled American.  I am used to having access to great care at a moment's notice.  I had come to believe that it is my right. Well, the Spirit had something contrary to say about that!  He reminded me of the places that I have visited around the world that those sweet people would be so grateful to be resting in one of those beds in the hallway and unbelievably thankful for the care.  There I stood being a brat because I wanted to just go home.

When the doctor came in at about 5:45 a.m., he sat down and looked completely beat.  He asked how I was doing and I said I was ready to go home... he said, yeah, me too.  (yes, conviction #2 hit then... I am a slow learner sometimes!) I can't explain the exhaustion on his face as he shared that they were so very short staffed and another local hospital was refusing to receive ambulance calls, so it was all on this ER to do so.  My heart hurts as I type that.  The pain that I feel for them all runs deep.  And it's precisely why we have seen so many abandon the healthcare field in the past 2 years - exhaustion, frustration, and ingrates like me.

So my main reason for all of this is back to my first sentence... and so it comes to pass.  For 2 years we in public health have been warning about this critical issue because of the added stress of a global pandemic.  Please stay with me on this.  I do not care one iota about your opinions on COVID, vaccines, the politics of this pandemic, or masking in public.  I really don't and I don't expect you to care about mine.  What I care about is the toll our health decisions and expectations are taking on the critical healthcare workforce that is already in crisis and has been for many years.  We have known there is a nursing shortage that began in the 1990's and has exponentially gotten worse.  We are seeing doctors retire sooner than they anticipated due to a variety of reasons that have taken the joy out of doing what they have studied and feel called to do.  It is not their job to take care of our health - IT IS OURS! We've become so entitled that we put unrealistic expectations on them to fix whatever with a pill. We've also been conditioned to seek medical attention for most anything.  We often do not do what is recommended because it's our right to live as we want and it's often work to get or keep ourselves healthy. Then we are ticked when we can't get care as quickly as we'd like or need.  As I was telling my brother about the experience the next day, he said it best.  We have to do our best to take care of our health.  So we talked about some plans to improve upon that starting today.  I want to do all I can to make sure I don't overwhelm the system needlessly so it's available when I truly do need it.  So much of our health is truly within our realm to control. I want to champion those who are doing this day in and day out.  If you are a health care provider in any setting, know that you are seen and appreciated for the work you do.  We have some of the best medical care in the world, let's protect that precious gift!

Think this is bad? You should see the other guy!😂

Tucking In

 Pandemic.  I have come to loathe that word for so many reasons.  Yet, I am realizing a new layer of Carla amidst all of it.  Bear with me here... I know we all are dealing with this on different fronts and this is not about bemoaning all the negative associated with it.  It's about realizing that there is such beauty in the difficult circumstances in life.

Time for true confession.  My soul has not been well. It's been distracted, afraid, angry, exhausted.  Oh, I've done all the things I've known to do...pray, go to the Word, quoting Scripture to fight the feelings.  Yet... the fruit in my life has been anything but Christ-like.  My mouth has spewed such negativity that I can't stand myself.  My attitude has been one of judgment towards others that don't believe as I do.  My love for others has turned to disdain at times.  

It was all coming to a head last Wednesday.  I apologized to some of my co-workers for my attitude and was realizing that we were trying to do the impossible - fix this problem.  The Lord had opened my eyes to the fact that without vision, people perish (Thank you to one of the Jesus girls (Kira) in my life for sharing that verse from Proverbs 29:18!).  I'd lost the vision for our role in this whole thing - so we reverted back to our mission of preserve, promote and protect.  We cannot change that which will not be changed.  We can do our part, but we are not responsible for the choices of others.  And then He moved in.

Right after I spoke to them, I had a gall bladder attack that reached a 9 on a 10 point pain scale. It was a doozy.  I couldn't think, I couldn't concentrate and I couldn't get relief.  A few phone calls later and an open schedule, I was set for surgery on Friday to remove the angry little organ.  I honestly went into this surgery a broken woman spiritually and emotionally.  I was fearful in a way I had never been before.  I felt distant from the Lord. I was annoyed that yet another physical problem had presented itself and I was going to be away from work.  Fortunately, I had a host of believers praying for me and it has been amazing to see just how completely the Lord answers them.  Yes, I am feeling great and there were zero complications from surgery.  But what's even better is that this pause and their prayers have allowed me to spend time with the Lord in deeper ways. NEVER view a pause as a negative in the Lord's economy.  A wait, a rest, a stepping away from the norm (which is exactly what this whole pandemic has blessed the world with!) is a gift from Him to reconnect, rejuvenate our spirit, and to regenerate our passion for Him - if we allow. 

Today, in my prayer and reading, so much jumped off the pages, went into my brain and traveled the 18 inches to the depths of my heart.  He loves me so much.  I confessed my fears of pleasing the world over pleasing Him.  I laid my weary spirit at the foot of His throne.  He lifted me up as a Father who loves me without condition.  Psalm 103 was a healing balm to my soul.  He knows how weak I am yet I try to fake it til I make it with my own strength.  He never intends for me to do that but rather that I rest in Him.  Then the sweet voice of my Lord spoke to my heart, "Tuck in, girl. I've got you!"  That was a wow moment.  I've always said lean in when the going gets rough, and while it's true, it sounds like I am the one who has to do all the work.  Not so.  Tucking in under the arm of Almighty God... well there is no safer place to be.  No place of love and care more complete.  Today is a turning point and I am excited to see what adventures He has planned as I rest in Him.

Proverbs 1:33 - But whoso hearkeneth unto me shall dwell safely, and shall be quiet from the fear of evil.

Wonky prayers

Flowers from Jesus

I am over this pandemic. For those of us who are on the front lines of this situation, it's been quite an experience.  On a positive note, I get to work with some of the best people at our health department.  They have stepped up in ways they never imagined they'd have to and have made this a true team approach.  Still, it's been tiring.  The thing is, the other things that we do don't stop.  It's overwhelming.  I don't say this for you to pity me... I just know many can relate when we are not in a pandemic.

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling so alone.  Don't get me wrong, the Ewing tribe, my Jesus girls, my MCBC Tribe have all been wonderfully supportive.  Yet, here I sat feeling totally by myself.  I felt unacknowledged and frankly, sorry for myself.  Yep, I am so totally human and a hot mess more often than not.  The one thing I do have going for me is that I love to talk to the Lord.  Prayer has become a part of my DNA.  My go to most of the time.  I am so weak and I've learned the hard way that I HAVE to draw my strength from my relationship with Him, so I am in constant chatter with Him.  I have to read the "Be Still" scripture to remind myself to listen too. ;)

Sometimes I pray really wonky, selfish prayers and this day happened to be one of those days.  I wanted to feel valued by Jesus.  He understands me so well and he has often answered these prayers just to build this weak woman's faith.  So, I prayed for flowers.  I asked Jesus to send me flowers.  I was thinking a sweet bouquet to brighten up my table. No biggie for the One who created flowers and owns the cattle on a thousand hills.  But oh how my Lord loves to surprise and wow my little thoughts!

I  enjoy taking a walk on the road north of my house.  There is a couple there that have a most gorgeous yard. They labor intensively and the fruit of the labor is breathtaking.  As I walked past their house I waved and then saw them waving me down upon my return trip.  I stopped and they offered me some divided lilies and I said sure as these are favorites of mine. Two hours later I was telling a friend about the sweet gesture and the Lord gently reminded me - I gave you the flowers you asked for, my girl.  I am sure my face was priceless as I realized He had answered my prayers.  And in typical fashion, He one upped my request.  Instead of a bouquet that will die in a few days, these flowers will bloom yearly as a reminder that He loves me forever.  They will remind me that when I feel alone, He is ALWAYS just a prayer away.  They will remind me that my seemingly unimportant requests are important to Him as He wants to build my faith, show me love, and remind me that I am His.

Jeremiah 29:12 - Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.

Different Tradition, Same Jesus

So today is Easter Sunday, the fourth Sunday that my church, Maple City Baptist Church, has not been able to meet as a corporate group to worship.  I will admit that today I got teary when the roomie and I sent a video praise to Pastor Mike for the fantastic online service he, Pastor Beau and others put together.  Was it the same? Nope.  And you know what?  That's okay!

I've been dealing with COVID-19 intensely since mid March.  When you are in the field of public health, you see and hear way more than you can imagine.

Over the course of the past few weeks, many pastors have been trying to navigate the stay at home guidance (executive order in Illinois) and what that means for their church body. It's been hard to balance the loss of human contact with the need to keep folks as safe as can be during this pandemic.  I've spoken with several in various communities who were weighing how to meet the very real needs of their flock, continue to preach the gospel, and again, provide safety.  I applaud the very hard questions you've asked.  I applaud the prayer you've put into this effort.  I applaud those that have made hard decisions to close their doors out of an abundance of caution and as an example of Romans 13:1-2.  I praise you all for the innovative approaches using technology to reach your congregations through Sunday morning services, praise and worship services, small group meetings, Sunday school lessons, etc.  It's been so sweet.

I just want to take this post and give the Lord praise for my church's response to this.  I know the pastors and leadership weighed these questions heavily.  These leaders are some of the most innovative, bible believing, gospel preaching people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.  They challenge me to get out of my comfort zone of safety and follow Jesus in risk taking.  That being said, it isn't done foolishly or with a lack of discernment.

At the end of the day, it's about Jesus. I've seen that in the way a whole host of folks from my church have been asked to provide teaching on their quiet time with Jesus.  We've been challenged ourselves to find ways to reach out to the lost around us.  We've been encouraged to be biblical in our responses, to lead by example, and to love and encourage each other during this time.  It isn't about our Pastors having to be in the spot light, but about Jesus being in the spotlight. That is true leadership and I am eternally grateful for that in my life.

Truly, for many believers, this Easter Sunday is like every other day.  We celebrate the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus daily! We live to make Him known.  We walk in relationship with Him every moment that we take a breath.  So, while Easter is a wonderful celebration reminder that the tomb is empty and that Jesus is who He says (God in the flesh), I am thankful to be celebrating it in the quiet of my own home.  Yep, I miss the hectic, loud family dinner with the Ewings.  I miss the hugs and laughter with them and my MCBC family. We will all survive this interruption of what we normally do.

I believe the Lord is gifting us with just quietly being with Him and thanking him for what He did on the cross for us.  Maybe He is removing all the man made traditions to allow us to really see Him? Adapting the words of Dr. Seuss from the Grinch Who Stole Christmas... "Maybe, just maybe, Easter is a little something more..."

 He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.  Matthew 28:6

Bendy

I've been saying for a few months that I am culturally irrelevant and posting a picture of this guy created in 1950 proves it.  When I talk with my younger, cooler friends I am constantly explaining some reference about which they are clueless.  Let me introduce you to Gumby.  I loved the Gumby and Pokey claymation show when I was a little kid.  I even had a Gumby doll that I could twist into all sorts of poses. Gumby was what my sister Jennifer would call 'bendy'.  He came to mind today when the Lord was speaking to my heart.

Not to belabor circumstances, but frankly they have have been off the charts lately.  A whole lot of spiritual warfare which has produced distraction, anger, exhaustion, tears, counseling, more tears, etc.  Well, you get the point.  Amidst all of this, I've been diligent about protecting my mind with word, praying diligently for truth to prevail, checking in with others for sharpening, and taking vain thoughts to the Lord.  Yet, I've noticed a kernel of hardness in my heart.  A bit of bitterness starting to take a hold.  I've seen it in my responses to perceived wrongs done (no, Jesus doesn't want me to throat punch people!), my desire to isolate (which is different than regrouping),  and wanting to quit (seriously, I am going to quit on the BEST thing that ever has happened to me?? Don't think so, Jesus!). 

But today...I was talking to the Lord on my way to work about all of this and He sweetly reminded me of something.  These circumstances aren't necessarily to change other's behaviors, but maybe to change me.  He asked me if I was willing to be molded into whom He is fashioning me to be.  Would I stand strong on the Word of Truth in spite of the culture?  Would I love others in spite of the hurt?  Would I risk my feelings of wanting to protect myself to protect and stand with others who are facing battles they shouldn't have to?  Am I willing to be bendy for Him, to let the Creator mold His creation into a woman who can influence others for eternity by her responses to circumstances? Sobering.  I admit, it causes trepidation in me.  Yet, how can I not trust Him, the keeper of my very soul, to handle those fears?  He loves us so.  Tired friend reading this,be encouraged.  He wants so much greater for you... be bendy!

But now, O Lord, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.  Isaiah 64:8

Mercy I don't deserve

So, I had my yearly mammogram two weeks ago.  I hate having to do them, but yet am very thankful for the technology that can help detect a problem early.  Such was the case for me.  I had the 3D version this year, and as I suspected, it showed something that wasn't on the film from last year.  I've heard of this happening so I wasn't surprised when I got a call requesting further testing.  I wasn't nervous, yet I reached out to a few women and family members to pray for this to be nothing.  One of those women text and asked to get together and pray specifically for me.   Such peace reigned over me since that time right up through the tests today. Both she and my sister called this morning to tell me they were praying.   As I laid there waiting for the MD to do the ultrasound, I prayed that whatever the results, He would get the glory.  Of course, I didn't want cancer yet the weirdest part to that was I didn't want to have to tell my Dad I had it. I know that whatever He allows, He will give me the strength to endure, but I didn't think I had it in me to watch Dad go through a third family diagnosis of cancer....

The tech popped back in and announced that the ultrasound was unnecessary.  Whatever had them concerned had "disappeared".  Disappeared?  Well, I have abundant curiosity in all things medical so I asked what that meant.  What had disappeared and how had it done so?  She didn't know.  I asked her to show me the films.  Right there on the film from 2 weeks ago was a perfectly formed pea sized "something".  I could now see why the need for further testing.  Then I looked at today's film.  Nothing. Nada.  How could that be I asked her?  She didn't really know.  Maybe an error in first film process, etc.

 

Nope.  It was the prayers of the saints that went up on my behalf.  There was DEFINITELY something on that film of two weeks ago.  Today, nothing because He, in His infinite love and mercy for me, chose to remove it.  Did I deserve it?  Not even close. In fact, given the strain of my walk with Jesus the past 4 weeks, I'd say even less so!  Do I understand the why?  Not for a moment.  I am choosing to be very grateful that He chose to show me undeserved favor today.

Psalm 86:15 But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, long-suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth.

To plant and to harvest

Having lived in a farming community for most of my life, I have come to love watching the the whole process of preparing, planting, and harvesting.  I enjoy seeing the planters roll out in the spring, placing precious seed that soon sprouts endless rows of corn and beans.  So much hope of better things to come.  Then the heat and humidity of Illinois summers make that corn grow tall and produce big ears of golden kernels that will feed nations - what a responsibility!  Finally, my favorite - harvest.  To see those combines roll out and glean fields, depositing corn and beans into huge semi trucks and pass many on their way to storage makes my heart happy.  Yes, I simplify the process for certain as I am not a farmer.  Yet I can relate to some of what they experience.

This year has been particularly difficult for our nation of farmers.  In fact, I am certain that difficult doesn't begin to describe what they know as reality.  I don't think I have prayed more for our farmers than I have have this year.  Two of my favorites are just finishing up harvest today.  It's been hard from start to finish.

That's how I have felt about this season of my life related to sharing the Gospel.  Trying to plant seeds in hearts that are not interested in the truth of the Scripture is labor intensive.  Part of this falls on me to just do it.  Still, part of it is the culture of relative truth...truth being whatever I choose it to be.  However, I can't allow culture to dictate my obedience to what Jesus tells me to do - share Him with others.  I have the cure to spending eternity in hell and I MUST share that with those who don't have that cure.  I have to work as hard as our farmers have in 2019 to feed the world.  My prayer for 2020 is to see a bountiful harvest from seeds I plant now for Jesus.

If you are reading this, do you know Him?  I would love the opportunity to sit with you and share what the Bible says about salvation.  PLEASE reach out to me ... your eternal destination is worth it!

Psalm 126:6 - He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

A Thankful Heart

I would say the last 18 months have been the most difficult time I've yet to experience in my life.  I lost my Mom so quickly to cancer and embarked on a journey that truly only Jesus could have orchestrated.  It's not over by any means, but tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my weight loss surgery and I sit here abundantly thankful and need to share that with anyone who cares to read it.  My top ten things I am thankful for this year...

• I am thankful for a reclaim of my health. Oh.My.Word!  I am pretty certain that I was thisclose to major cardiac problems.  Now?  My blood pressure is superb, my labs have been great, my A1c has been great...and I NEVER thought it would happen.
• I am thankful for how my body moves more efficiently!  I can move better, expending less energy and accomplishing more.  I am not tired all of the time, I can actually get projects done and ENJOY doing them! Kayaking, hiking, cleaning, gardening...loving it! :)
• I am thankful for insurance that would cover this drastic of a move for health. When I sat defeated in my Doctor's office and was arrogantly not going to choose "the easy way out", boy howdy, did the Lord humble my sorry hind end! This wasn't easy by any stretch.  I was an idiot and am glad to have seen the light!
• I am thankful for the providers at Genesis Weight Loss Clinic.  They put me through the paces to make sure I was certain and that I was going to be as successful as they could help me be.  I know long term results depend upon my choices, but they are wonderful cheerleaders to help me get there!
• I am thankful for others who have been down this road before me and walked alongside of me to cheer me on.  Their war stories and 'atta girls' have been a tremendous encouragement.
• I am thankful for my Jesus girls.  I have a most incredible group of women who encircle me and have been unbelievable prayer warriors, encouragers, shoulders to cry on, comedians, etc!  
• I am thankful for my roommate.  She has had to endure so much with me and around me all the while enduring some difficult circumstances of her own.  She's never wavered from her support.  My Mom was a mom to her so that loss was felt, my surgery and recovery were huge adjustments for both of us, we experienced a kitchen remodel in the middle of recovery so she dealt with that when I couldn't, and then she lost her aunt in the spring.  Tough, tough year...yet she has been a rock through it all!
• I am thankful for my Dad, Sisters, Brother, Nephews and Nieces.  I have the best family.  They've helped in so many ways this year and amidst the grief and pain, I feel closer to them than I ever have.
• I am thankful for my Mom.  She knew I was going on this journey and was 100% supportive.  That woman is so missed by those who love her, yet we rejoice in two truths - she is 100% healed and she has started the eternal journey of life present with Jesus.  I can't wish her back here on earth because of those truths... so I look with excitement to my start of the eternal journey with Him!
• Jesus.  This process has had His fingerprints all over it. I believe with everything in me that He allowed all of this for His glory because He knows I can take credit for zero of it!  That being said, I am committed to use ALL of it for His glory... by ministering more intentionally, by giving Him the glory when I am complimented on the weight loss, by saying yes to risky adventures for Him (Zambia 2019!), by working hard to use this gift He's given me of a healthier life to its fullest until He calls me home.  Jesus, you are my all in all!

These photos were taken almost a year apart.  Yeah, I've lost weight.  Yet, the joy I feel in feeling better and being closer with Jesus shows on my face and THAT makes my heart sing!

2019

2018

What does it really matter?

If you are reading this, chances are you know that life has dealt my family a difficult circumstance.  Actually, life hasn't dealt it, God has allowed it.  My mom was recently diagnosed with Stage IV cancer and it is terminal.  This has been hard, but in typical Harriet fashion, she has met the challenge with grace, dignity, humor, incredible strength and a good dose of humor.  I love my Mom for so many reasons, but her pragmatic approach to life is is right up there as one of my favorites.  As I was sitting on her bed chatting the other day - which can I shout out to the Lord that I GET to have these moments with her!! - and asked the question, "You say that you've learned more heart knowledge in the last 20 years about your walk with Jesus, so what exactly is the best lesson you've learned?"

Without missing a beat, she said, "Extending forgiveness".  She went on to share that when she heard the diagnosis it really put what was important into immediate perspective.  The things that she was holding on to out of worry, control, pride, etc. as she is facing her transition from this life into one present with Jesus just doesn't matter.  She's let it go.  I can attest to the fact that she has because her peace is radiant.  We talked much about how we attempt  to live a life like that all of the time and found that we didn't come up with answers that concretely answer those questions, but we concurred that much of it hinges on forgiveness and grace.  My inner circle has this mantra we say when frustrated with seasons of life where we can't get our collective selves together... we need grace, grace, grace!  So, I started to applying it to various circumstances around me..

.... when I see the marked differences in the way my siblings and I face this trial, I am reminded that we all grieve differently and need grace, grace, grace.

.... when someone with whom I've had a complicated relationship with reaches out to offer support and kindness, the forgiveness is immediate because why I was angry just isn't important in the light of eternity.

.... when I disagree with someones personal choice, grace, grace grace.  How do I know this isn't God's best for them?

.... when I find myself hurt because I think someone should be reaching out... grace, grace, grace - I may have no idea what their current situation is or maybe they simply don't know what to say.

I pray that I will always remember this sweet conversation with my Mama, but more importantly, I hope I will consistently live out the lesson that the Lord allowed her to teach me!

Hebrews 4:16 - Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Planting Flags

My friend, H, and I have a standing joke between us that we both fly freak flags...and we embrace that truth. I've never been cool on any level (I will say she is, however!) and I became even more 'uncool' by world standards when I decided to be all in for Jesus.  To wear the team colors of being a Jesus freak, if you will, and to sell out to Him.  It's not always been easy by any means, but it's always worth it in the long run.  Today presented me with such a moment.

I've been doing pretty well in most areas of my life...except one.  My food idolatry.  Ugh.  This last bout of disobedience to the Lord lasted several l-o-n-g months.  I'd given up.  The Lord kept pushing, nudging, calling...but I kept hurting my body, my testimony and ultimately, Him.  Finally, a week ago Sunday, I repented (again!) and turned.  What precipitated that moment is a blog for another day.  I returned back to eating healthy food that fuels my body instead of stuffing down emotions.  Going back to moving my body to keep it able to do what He designed it to do.  And back to dealing with what's eating me that prompts me to eat.  Once again acknowledging my thorn in the flesh.  I've had a successful week...eating well, moving much more, enjoying the sweet fellowship that obedience brings.  In fact, I could tell He was my strength during the week.  I was pumped to hop on the scale this morning...only to find I'd gained a small amount. As I stepped off the scale, I heard the sweet voice of my Savior whisper, "Where are you going to  plant your flag?  In the truth of my word, or on the number of that scale?"

You see, I'd spent a lovely Friday afternoon having great conversation with a friend about planting our flags in the truth of Scripture versus doing so in the feelings we have in the circumstance.  Hmmm...it's so like my Father to bring me to a point that I have to live out my own counsel!  I could give up.  But today (and that's all I am responsible for!), I chose to believe what 1 Corinthians 1:9 says, "God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord."  God never promised me weight loss in my obedience in this area.  I chose to believe that when I am in my flesh, as Romans 8:8 says, I cannot please God.  My soul's desire is to please Him.  So, today I am planting my flag in the truth of the Word that my sowing of obedience will reap glory to Him.  That my obedience will please Him as 1 Samuel 15:22 says.  Now, please do not think that I believe I am something good or holy, but quite the opposite.  I am a woman simply saved by the grace of Jesus and what He did for me on that cross... and for today, my desire is to please Him with my obedience.  So when the disappointments of life hit you, where will you plant your flag?

I don't think a salad has ever tasted so delicious! :)

Running on empty

To say I've been distracted lately would be an understatement.  I feel like it's been months of working hard at being able to string thoughts together.  Overwhelmed doesn't define this battle. This morning was some more of the same.  I was puttering around gather items, having another hard discussion with the Lord.  Not quite whining, but seriously questioning whether I am on the path He wants me on.  Is what I am doing truly making a force for eternity or am I just some zealous bible believer with no impact?  My quiet time has been so.very.dry.  No "aha" moments.  No words of encouragement. Nada.  It's that dreaded feeling that Jesus and me are just going through the motions of this relationship.  I am trying to do what He asks... pray, read, love Him, study His word, and seriously, I am trying to just be still and be with HIM...yet, I wrestle. All the while I was doing this inner commentary, my roomie was sharing something from her quiet time about faith.  I was listening with my brain, but not my heart.

As I schlepped my overburdened bags to the car, I was dredging up one more thing I could do to turn this stale season into an oasis of encouragement.  So, I decided to listen to a message entitled "Doubt".  I was fumbling with my phone to get the message started, not at all paying attention to what was directly in front of me.  As I am driving down the road half listening to the sermon, not quite half way into my drive, I notice the gas light is on.  I glance at my range which tells me I have about 17 miles left in the tank.  Now, this isn't a precise method of appraising the gas levels, but it's better than the gas gauge.  At that point, I have a decision to make... do I turn around and go back for gas or do I continue on towards work?  Do I go backwards or keep moving forward?  Neither way promises that I will make it to the gas station.  I then do the only thing I know to do... I ask God to get me to the gas station in Aledo.  Now, I believe that God can do anything. Period.  Not a doubt... but my issues come with this question, "Will He do that for me?"  I don't know exactly why I fight that question with every.stinking.prayer. but I do.  I can pray with great fervor and belief that He is going to work in the lives of those around me, but I without fail, doubt He will do it for me.  No, I don't doubt He will save me. It's the dailies that beat me up.

Well, the range reads 17 and I keep moving forward... two miles later range reads 10 as I turn onto the highway.   I am almost resigned that I will be calling someone from work to bring me gas along the route.  Get about 4 miles from my destination and I am reading 0 miles on the range.  At this point, I start praying truths... that He is a God who performed miracles, so gas in my tank to get me to Casey's is no big issue for Him.  Then this truth rolls out... He loves me and provides so much for me. I know, regardless of the outcome, He will provide. The results of this, albeit minor issue, will be ultimately used for His glory.  As I glide into the gas station, I have zero doubt about one thing... I am loved by my Holy Father.  He used this situation again to teach His girl that in my distracted, human failing, He's got my back.  He taught me that as I combat doubt, He is lovingly and patiently working on my behalf to build my faith and trust in Him.  He taught me even in parched times when our relationship seems distant, He is constant.  He reminded me that it's o.k. to wrestle and it's when I quit trying to understand is when there will be deep problems.  Yep, all of this learning because of an empty tank of gas.  He's pretty cool that way. 

As I got into my car from filling up, Sherri's words came to mind about faith.  She had shared about "faith exhorting faith to wait patiently on the sure yet unseen".  That's exactly what this morning was... Jesus was exhorting my faith to wait patiently on the certainty of  His word and eternity.  That these present doubts, failings, sacrifices (which pale in comparison to His sacrifice!), and hard choices will produce fruit that may only be seen in the forever.  

Abba, Father... this glory is all yours! I love you!!

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Politics, Media and Perspective...oh my!

Today is August 7, 2015 and this morning ushered in the beginning of what I love to call the political mean season.  It is the reason that I quit watching morning television "news" shows some 8 years ago.  Frankly, I have zero interest to know every time a politician twitches and the opinion of what that means by 14 analysts.  I used to be interested in the political process but no more.  I wonder if the process has just become so much of a joke because our culture as a whole lacks a desire for integrity and we are all about 'what's in it for me' instead of  'what's in it for us'?  Or I wonder if because of the instant access via social media to every idea and opinion that I now realize just how depraved we humans really are?  I suspicion it's a bit of both.  I mean, I am not going to believe that our government has ever cared one iota about my personal station in life.  I do believe we have had a short list of servant leaders who got it... that the calling they took on when elected to office was something greater than themselves.  Still, it's human government...which means it's full of broken, sinful people who will at some point be asked to compromise.  Sadly, all levels of government are filled with people who have zero moral compasses and are happy to go which ever direction the wind blows.  But then there are those few...that will stand up to the unrelenting pressure of a biased media (and I believe it's biased on both sides!) and plant their flag for "We the People". They are a rare and dying breed.  They will be maligned for holding an opinion that may not be mainstream by the very people who pay lip service to the mantra of tolerance, but are very far from actually living what they say they believe.

I almost got sucked back in.  Endless tweets, Facebook posts, and sound bites about the first round of 'debates'. Although I did try at one point,  I didn't watch last night but got lulled into what others thought by listening and reading on social media today.  Then perspective hit:  folks, we have 16 months of this stuff ahead of us. SIXTEEN MONTHS.  And you know what?  We aren't guaranteed our next breath much less 16 months.

So, what's my plan?  To take today and do my best with it.  To encourage and pray for the friend who got some difficult news about her health.  To pray and encourage the adults who are toiling at our annual youth camp for the eternal souls of young people.  To tell others about Jesus because in reality, this world isn't any human's final place of residence.  To pray for those leaders because they need it and more importantly, the Lord commands me to do so.  To work as if I am doing it for the Lord. To stand up when needed to speak the truth. To give my all for the cause of Christ.

Should I be around in November of 2016 to vote, I will certainly do so.  I will make an informed, prayerful decision and exercise the right that America affords her citizens.

Until that time...I've got more important things to do.

Taking a deep breath

Sometimes, we all need to pause and take a deep breath.  We need to shut down the crazy that can quickly consume us and find True North.  I made the mistake of checking Facebook before checking in with God.  Oy.  I know better.  There in the news feed were articles of impending doom, ridiculous 'news' articles about the opinions of people who make me want to shout "Seriously, get over yourself!", and the smattering of passive aggressive posts by people that make a regular habit of doing so.  Quickly, I knew that I needed to have face time with my Creator or I was in serious peril of spiraling down into the abyss of worldly nonsense.

I found myself in 1 Samuel 1-2. I love the story of Hannah.  I so get her.  She is a woman wanting, longing for something from the center of her soul only to be misunderstood by those around her.  Yet, she knew the Lord was listening.  She had no place to go but to Him.  This was only something that He could deliver on. Oh, yes, I get it.  I appreciate how when she is finished praying and speaking to Eli that her countenance is no longer sad (1 Sam 1:18). I've experienced the same softening of my features when I've boldly petitioned for those desires that stir deep.  When audible words do not come, but that provoking of the spirit assures me that I was heard by the One who cares and Who knows.

Yet, today, it wasn't Hannah's prayer in chapter 1 that caused my heart to skip a beat.  It was her worship in 2:2 that captured my attention.  It says, " There is none holy as the Lord: for there is none beside thee: neither is there any rock like our God."  Simple, grounding truth.  As I come through a struggle, this certainty cuts through the feelings, vain imaginations and lies that anyone but the Jesus is Lord and He alone is capable to do that which I cannot.  Oh, how in the thick of the unknown do I want to be found in this kind of worship. The world and my life may be chaotic...but He is the rock.

Jehovah Shalom

That moment of undiluted conviction.  That burn in the depths of my heart because I know I've sinned against the Lord.

Heartbreaking.
Brokenness.
Comprehending the depths of my depravity.

Ugh.

That's when He nudged me and stirred up these words in my heart..

Hey sweet girl.  Do you see my grace?

Yes, you've failed, but you are not a failure. The all loving gift of My blood on the cross makes that so.

Yes, you are hurting from the pain your choice has caused, but I see the beauty that will rise from this mess.

Yes, you are feeling the conviction of sin, yet My Word reminds you of promises of peace that come with repentance.

My girl, it's hard and I know it.  I wanted to protect you from these consequences, yet, I will use them to mold you.

Do you see my grace?  It's right there in the prayers, hugs, and healing words of the inner circle that walks this path with you.  It's in the counsel of the godly leader I've placed in your life to shepherd you.  It's in My Word which gives example upon example of those who have gone down similar paths that I have worked life changing miracles through for my glory.

Hey daughter...look again...yeah, that's my grace telling you that I am not finished with you yet...in fact, this is a new start.

I am your Jehovah Shalom - your God of Peace.

Psalm 51:8 - Make me to hear joy and gladness...

8452

8452... the approximate number of days that I have left on this earth if I live to be the average age of 75.  Yep, I've counted them out.  A little over a month ago I heard a message by James MacDonald on the following verse:

Psalm 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.

It resonated with me in a deep place in my soul. When I turned 50,  I'd made a pledge to myself to do something greater with the second part of my life than I had the first part.  I don't want to waste time with the futile activities of previous years...worry, stagnation, resignation, hanging on to empty relationships, just to name a few.  I am truly stubborn enough to believe that my best days are yet to be lived.

So, I've numbered them.  I know that if I don't, I will be caught up in the distraction of the urgent instead of the intention of the important.  Last night I was reminded of the necessity of being brutal with distractions.  I've been hosting a women's night on Thursdays to discuss the book The Best Yes  by Lysa TerKeurst. The past three Thursday evenings have been the biggest blessing I've had in a while.   I knew He was calling me to open my home and heart to women who needed to be a part of this gathering.  I knew I had to be obedient because that obedience was connected to that pledge of purpose.  I knew I needed it far more than anyone who would walk through my door.  Oh.so.glad.I.obeyed.  To have women who want to connect with each other in a purpose filled way...well, it makes my heart smile. To have the women I've encountered the past few weeks want to do some serious damage for the Kingdom by seeking Him, His word, and His fellowship with other like minded ladies...excites me beyond measure.  

Last night's discussion perhaps gave me the best clue about how to apply my heart unto wisdom:

Be present.

I can number my days, but the reality is the only thing I have is this moment.  I may get more or less of the 8450 I've counted up.  All He is asking of me is to be acutely aware of the gift of time yet to be present in the here and now.  Not to worry about the future or bemoan the past.  Today.  Spend time with Him to get my direction and daily dose of love.  Be present with Him.  Spend time in intentional relationship with those He's placed in my sphere of influence.  Be present with them.  Listen with intention.  Encourage with grace, truth and love.

My prayer is that you are encouraged today to be present where He has you.

Lessons from Jehovah-jireh

This past weekend found me trying to get several small things done so that I could take most of the weekend.  One of those things was picking what cherries might be salvaged after rain and bug damage...

I was fighting bugs, poison ivy, humidity and honestly an attitude that was as sour as the ruby orbs I was picking.  I'd had a good time with the Lord earlier and didn't want this task to ruin what was the good start to the day.  So I asked Him to commune with me and let me know He was there...which He answered in the form of lessons.  As I continued to search for edible fruits, it dawned on me (thank you Holy Spirit!) that cherry picking is a lot like studying God's word.  Often, there will be low hanging fruits that are consumable, but it's usually the fruits hiding under the leaves and branches that offer blemish free fruit.  So it is with my studying.  I can simply read a small portion of scripture or a nice little devotional and will get something that makes me feel good or may be a little bit convicting and call it a day.  However, when I begin to study the words, compare Scripture with Scripture and really unpack a passage, I get the really good stuff.  The life changing lessons.

As I was picking cherries, again the Holy Spirit reminded me that He really is Jehovah-jireh - "the Lord will provide".  These cherry trees weren't planted by me.  One or two were planted by the former owners and then propagated by the many birds that make my land their home.  I did nothing to bring these cherries to my home. Yet, I and some family/friends reap the benefit.  Another find...

Gooseberries!  Never have seen them before on my land.  Jehovah-jireh.  I have never eaten them before but you can bet I will try them this year!

And the best lesson about Jehovah-jireh?  His provision of my family, and in particular my parents.  As I was harvesting the fruit and giggling about my gooseberry find, I couldn't help but think of how very fortunate I am to have learned what I have from my folks.  There were years of gardening when we were growing up: planting, harvesting, canning/processing.  We were all a part of the process (can I say that I HATED picking strawberries (I swear that bed was 1/2 an acre!!) and corn...oh, and those nasty ginormous spiders in the tomatoes?!!) and it wasn't fun a majority of the time.  The only exception was blackberry picking with my Dad...it was usually filled with stories from his past and I love those times!  Mom would work tirelessly to can or freeze everything...and we'd have an abundance of fruits and vegetables to last throughout all of fall, winter and into spring!  As they say, more was caught then actually taught.  We learned by watching and helping them.  I now know how to process that produce because I watched Mom and was a part of it all.  Those lessons are invaluable as I am now loving pulling out what little I can, freeze, and dehydrate in the winter and enjoying it with others.  I am so thankful to be a Ewing and to have been given my parents to teach me over the years!

What started out as a bad attitude became a time of gratitude...as only Jehovah-jireh can do!

Moments

The longer I walk this earth, the more attune I am to the fact that the best of life happens in moments. Today, I was reminded of that certainty.  As a woman who is not a parent, those occasions that most of you with kids experience are a bit fewer and farther between for me. The latest involved the Nephew.  He is at that age where I find myself irritated more than enamored.  He knows what buttons to push (it must be genetic from his father!) to get a reaction out of me and it works every time.  This morning I was charged with getting him to lifting for football.  As we were leaving the house, I was stunned by the rays of sun breaking through the clouds and decided to snap a photo.  Of course, that lead to comments from the peanut gallery...until he turned around and looked at what I was photographing.  He stopped and said, "That looks like Jesus looking down".  I simply smiled and said, "Yes, it does".  We drove to the school with the usual "teen annoying aunt" banter resuming.  As he got out and I told him have a great workout, time seemed to stop.  I watch this young man, who will be a freshman, walk into the school and my heart melted.  Pretty soon he will be a senior graduating and going to college.  He will probably marry and have children.  It all happens so fast.  He isn't that little boy who giggled at blowing bubbles, or who dressed up as EVERY superhero known to man, or who performed in the school musicals.  He's becoming a man.  As I drove away from the school, I thanked God for him and asked Him to mold this young man into one who follows after Him with all he has.  I prayed that he would see Jesus in the everyday of life.  I thanked Him for this moment.

Change is inevitable but growth is intentional

Welcome to the "new" endeavor.  

I've taken a bit of a step back from my normal routine, a sabbatical of sorts, to pause to listen to the Lord.  The noise of life was crowding out that still small voice that I wanted to hear.  Oh how He loves to meet us in those times!  I don't know about you, but I delight in the results of what author Lysa TerKeurst calls "growth opportunities".  For certain, I don't always enjoy the process of coming to said results but the lovely that is on the other side makes it so worth the pain.

This is the result of that quiet.  A soul searching, sin exposing, pick me up and brush me off time with Jesus.  Some of lessons will be shared in coming weeks and some will remain between He and I until He finishes the refining.

Why the change in the blog?  Pure and simple: Intention.  Most of my life has been a linking of random growth moments and my blog has reflected that lack of intentional living.  I didn't want to be tied down to purposeful, directional writing.  I wanted the freedom to write whatever popped into my head.  Not all bad for that period.  That era is over.  I want my remaining days to count for something eternal.

Why Undertaking Grace?

To undertake something is a "formal pledge or promise to do something".  An oath. A covenant. A vow. A commitment.  Lofty words and, of myself, completely unattainable.  Not so with Jesus.  I'm setting the bar high so I have no option but to look to Him - the author and finisher of my faith.  The One with whom all things are possible, including this woman's desire to know His grace in ways I cannot fathom today.  Because I need grace so desperately in my life.  It's what my eternity is banking on... the unmatched grace of Jesus Christ.  I need it where I walk every day.  I need it so saturating my life that is spills out onto those that cross my path every day.  I need it so others will see IT instead of the mess that is me.  I need it so they will see Jesus.  I need it because I don't consistently have it.

It won't always be a warm fuzzy.  It won't always be profound.  My prayer is that it will consistently be real.

I will leave you today with this tweet from Carlos Rodriguez:

If your theology makes you feel superior to others, rethink your theology.